Get Er Done Part Deux: Golden

I’m not even sure where to start with Golden. Should I begin with our arrival at the Lyric Bar which is attached to the hotel we were staying at? The claw marks on the back of the hotel bathroom doors? The restaurant where we met Grace?

Or did the night only truly begin once we started the Big Buck Hunter challenge? I’m gonna try my best to make some sense of what happened in Golden, bear with me.

First, I should introduce you to the full cast. Salvatore Violca MANSION,Rosa Creep 24, Andy I love the Gateway, Kenzie Butter Chops, Anna Von Big Mouth, and Miche 80s-Horror-Movie-Hair Stirling.

After settling in to our rooms, which were used on a horror set at some point for sure, we tooled downstairs to grab some food at the adjoining restaurant, the Whitetooth. That’s when we met Grace and she taught us a little drink called the Trouble Maker.

Someone said something about “let’s get evil drunk and break stuff” and it was game on. Sometime between dinner and watching a girl fight out back of the bar, some creepy shit happened.

First, Violca taught me how to use a gun and play Big Buck Hunter. Between me and Rosa, we kicked every ass in the club.

There were so many dickweeds asking V for requests that the sound guy gave her a tennis racket to fend them off. Not a joke.

The crowd was something special that’s for sure. Between the breakdancing ESL kids, the Swiss school for the retarded, the locals and all those snowboacing fuck ups who live the moocher lifestyle, it was a proper shit show.

This is where it gets fuzzy. There was some flashing.

Rosa suddenly became the dog whisperer.

Violca resorting to George Michael, Milli Vanilli, and the Crookers remix of Kid Cudi trying to figure out how to handle that crowd there.

Rosa Creep 24 got real creepy and found herself a 23 (and then we stole his manhood in a tag team Buck Hunter throw down).

By the end of the night, I was trying to get Carol, the birthday girl laid via microphone whist singing Hall and Oates with Salvatore.

Skip to the next day. Turns out the hotel had bed bugs that almost ate Kenzie’s face off. We stopped for a requisite jump shot in the mountains, and we’re more than thankful that we’re gonna be in a city for the next few days.

And then it’s Whitehorse baby.

p.s. if you don’t know what pickle-face is, zoom in on Violca in this jump shot to find out.