Fashion Tips with John & Jenny: Spring Break

Spring break is approaching quickly, and we just thought we would give you a few tips for fashion flawlessness on any vaycay or staycay you may have in the works.

If you’re ditching the cold and heading south this season, now’s your chance to try all of those questionable fashion trends you’ve wanted to try, or just to release your “inner douche-bag”.  All of that stuff that you were afraid to break out in front of your peers at home is fair game in a foreign land where no one knows your name.  We’re talking about all of that shit that you shoved into the back of your closet, maybe an impulse buy that would never normally see the light of day–well bust out those high cut 90’s bikinis, slap on your acid wash high-waisted “mom jean” cutoffs, we’re going to Cancun!

Do you feel like you missed out on those super cool tattoo trends?  Too scared to take the plunge and make the commitment of an eternity with a barbed wire arm band or Japanese “love” symbol?  Well Spring break is the best time to get inked without the fear of a tainted needle.  Test that tramp stamp out for the week with a Henna tattoo!

We also need to address the issue of men’s sandals (a.k.a. “mandals”).  While traditionally we vote nay mandal, yay canvas sneaker, a tropical getaway is the perfect time to let those man toes get some air.  There are guidelines that one should address when making a choice of mandal style nonetheless, and the Teva and Birkenstock are two styles that get two major thumbs down.  Still want to score chicks while letting your feet loose? Try a style more acceptable to the opposite sex, like the Adidas slip on or a leather Rainbow flip flop.

So, maybe your summer body is still hiding behind those lingering holiday pounds, but there is no reason to go crazy with the cover ups.  What’s the deal with those flashy, trashy, tie dyed sarongs?!  they may look appealing when that toothless lady comes by hawking them on the beach, but those sea turtle and gecko tie dyed rags are not drawing any attention away from that pale muffin top.  Instead, try wearing a sheer dress, or something flowy.  This will make you look effortlessly flawless and feminine, while disguising what lies beneath.

Lets talk about the whole “speedo trend”.  Unless you are an old European millionaire or vacationing on Fire Island, keep that banana hammock at the back of your manty drawer.  Nobody wants to see your pale, hairy ass this early in the season.  We’re not saying to go all mid-calf board short on us, we still want you to get your money’s worth of a tan, but trade your Euro-holster in for a nice pair of trunks that hit somewhere north of the knee.

You may feel the urge to jazz up your feet after suffocating them in snow boots all winter, but no one wants to wake up next to a girl wearing six toe rings and an anklet (guys, this rule also applies to you).  Lets keep that shit subtle and draw the line with a glitter polish and a fresh pedicure.  Guys, you should probably get one too, but ditch the polish (unless you can pull off a whole Silk Helder/Chris Angel realness thing).

Let’s talk about protection.   UV protection that is.  We all know that we should be wearing at least an SPF 30, but what about our precious peepers?  While a wraparound may seem like optimal eye coverage, resist the urge, you look like a low budge Dog the Bounty Hunter.  Stick to a classic shape shade, we know that Wayfarers have been done to death, but it’s because they actually look good on anyone.  Not a fan of the Wayfarer?  Another great classic look is the Aviator  or oversized 80’s throwback (but please no shutter shades).  People have been trying to make round sunglasses work for seasons now, but only a few lucky members of the general population are able to pull them off.  Round faces + round glasses = not cute.

We hope that this guide will be somewhat helpful when you run into that last minute packing panic, and stay tuned for more Fashion Tips With Jon and Jenny for all of your holiday fashion woes.