DÉCLASSÉ-FIED Tuesday June 1, 2010

Michelle “Bombshell” McGee admits to Anti-Semitism, Lindsay Lohan’s career roadblock, Heidi Montag has high hopes, and Justin Bieber is out of control. Presenting, an accumulation of social distortion we consider feature-worthy headlines from recent pop-culture happenings.

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As if destroying the seemingly ideal world of Sandra Bullock and Jesse James was not enough activity, Michelle “C*untbag” McGee has been parading her stripper-body around the media, whoring herself out in a new Ashley Madison TV spot — a website that caters exclusively to those seeking extra-marital affairs. Stopping by Toronto’s eTalk, McGee attempted to defend her ways by throwing her two kids into the mix, saying “I will do what it takes to support my children.” So basically, she means that as long as there is filthy money to sustain a life of screwing with others’, raising your children into corruption is totally acceptable. Her justification of the recent cheating scandal is as such:  ”In a twisted type of way, I guess Sandra should be thankful that I did come forward and let her know that her husband did cheat on her.” And just because she’s not “twisted” enough, dissection of her Nazi costume party reveals true ignorance and stupidity. “No not racism. Anti-Semitism? Yes. If that was the intention of putting the costume on.”

It must be difficult to be a normally functioning member of society after your head has been repeatedly prodded with tattoo needles and skewed ideology. I feel bad for her, in a twisted type of way. You can witness Part 2 of this interview tonight @ 7PM on CTV or stream it in full online at CTV.ca.

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In other WTF news, let’s discuss the idea of all sassy Hollywood mistresses hanging around one another. What would saunter through your mind if you saw Michelle “Bombshell” McGee rolling with the double-trouble Rachel Uchitel? They’re not actually part of this particular twat-pack, but really, other other women? Alleged sluts Joslyn James (Tiger Woods), Melissa Smith (Jesse James), January Gessert (Reggie Bush), and Gina Rodriguez (David Boreanez) were caught on a shamelessness-affirming girls night out, sharing with TMZ their catch phrase of “Pull out or I’m keeping it!”. That just about says it all, except: Did these women form some sort of distorted alliance to prowl on the espoused? Sorority house sleepover bonding over scandalous sexts and lessons on how to cry “used” while promoting a Playboy spread between tears of vanity and boom-I-got-your-boyfriend cackles? Also, these winners seem to have some sort of affiliation with Michael Lohan, so that really solidifies their overall significance. Don’t forget that Michael Lohan is dating a twink who happens to associate with Jon Gosselin‘s special someone. Allegedly (via my own investigations). Keep it in the family, people. The reality show business (sans reality) is always preying on “fresh” meat. Yawn.

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Lindsay Lohan‘s most recent cinematic endeavour has been self-sabotaged due to her erratic carelessness. Lindsay was all set to play dress up and emulate 70′s porn star Linda Lovelace, but due to complications concerning skipped alcohol education classes and late court appearances, production of this potential Oscar contender has to be postponed. Lindsay can’t leave the Los Angeles area due to an alcohol monitoring bracelet and weekly drug testing. The Texas-shot biopic titled Inferno depicts the life of porn star Linda Lovelace, famous for her skilled participation in 1972′s Deep Throat. How about the film studio just assemble a montage of paparazzi-shot clips of LL out and about on any given Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday? Should be enough for a feature and spattering of scandalousness.

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Heidi Montag wants to reprise Megan Fox‘s role in Transformers, after Foxy was dropped/signed off/assorted other rumours. I guess Heidi would fit right in with the robots and their bionic guns, or whatever. Check out her self-made audition tape. Girl’s got ambition, but this isn’t MTV. Side note: Heidi and Spencer Pratt are no more. What’s Harry Henderson going to do now that Heidi is heading toward major movie stardom without him? There’s some profiteering to be done!

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Another questionable couple update; Marilyn Manson and Evan Rachael Wood are still/again dating. Hot Topic sales continue to rise. (Image via Dlisted)

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Onto Justin Bieber aka hit-me-on-my Bieber,  The Beav, lesbian, etc. JB has reportedly caught diva fever after snapping at a crew guy, spewing “Don’t ever f*cking touch me again”. I’m sure it was a shriek like that of a dried-up suburban housewife, dismissing the once-a-week propositions from her desperate husband. Bieber has obviously denied this (via Twitter), but he has a tendency of walking into glass doors, so.

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Speaking of haggard, I leave you now with this important life lesson brought to you by The Real Housewives of New York‘s Countess LuAnn. “You don’t have to be rich or famous to be unforgettable, HAW HAW!” Is there a reason as to why the male extras in this Venus commercial-esque video exude more femininity than Cougar LuAnn? Soak up the glamour. CLICK HERE TO WATCH.

Pop culture column, DECLASSE, appears every Tuesday on Knee Socks Beat Cleavage