You gotta fight for your right to get arty

Okay, okay.

Throw out all 23 shades of black in your closet – the art world is not as boring as you think. Or that’s the point of  ArtStars* as we’ve come to know it, and my name is Nadja Sayej, and I’m the crazy host. Crazy as in clown get-up, screaming at passers-by on the sidewalk, crazy as in TMZ for the art scene. But what happens behind the scenes?

I’ll show you what’s under my skirt — and talk-the-talk off the microphone (seriously, whenever I go to an opening without the camera crew, at least one person will say: “You’re not recording this, are you?” As if I have a secret spy cam wedged between my cleave – maybe I’ll put THAT on my Christmas wish list). Instead of just barging through You Tube, you can find ArtStars* chatting away on Pink Mafia ’bout the dirt on us, the next hotspot we wanna hit, the stuff you don’t wanna miss and taking a step back before moving forward on the boundaries we’ve broken.

1. Against Life 1

Every summer for the past five years, Extermination Music Night has been the party to get your urban exploration on — and maybe to step on a broken glass window before stumbling home at dawn. Army boots. Check? The co-founders Daniel Vila and Matthew McDonough split ways (don’t know why, none of my business) and now Vila, a tour de force behind Double Double Land, has started up a reincarnation called Against Life (which is not necessarily pro-death, either).

When I say these parties are alternative, I mean fucking alternative: What didn’t make the edit in ArtStars* 12 – Extermination Music Night was the no-washroom “let me dig for a napkin inside the camera bag to wipe myself – wait, there’s only plastic wrappers from the DV tape” policy, the “oh *snap*, why did I wear heels when I’m climbing Mount Avalon?” case and “Omigod, there’s art world Dynasty dramz because someone stole Yuula Benivolski‘s head sculptures.”

These parties are choose your own adventures – you RSVP through email, get an e-map the day-of and wander like a tourist around what you thought was yours. Usually, the locations are in abandoned, off the trodden path places (abandoned buildings, warehouses and bridges). The cops sometimes show up. I wish there were more parties like this in the city; (my favourite wax poetic EMN moment: Watching the Huckleberry Friends at the end trail of a million tea lights).

The buildup is crazy and this party won’t disappoint. PLASTIC FACTORY is headlining (Slim Twig, Carl Didur, Anthony Nemet and Mark Roberts) with art projects by Natalie Logan, Julia Kennedy and Jeremy Bailey.

THE *SNAP*: Don’t bring your I.D. if you don’t want the cops to ticket you for trespassing. And don’t worry if you’re lost – just follow the cluster of bicycles.

Saturday, June 5, Midnight, location held secret until the day-of the event. RSVP to againstlifetoronto [at] gmail.com.

2. Power Ball 12: The Ball That Started It All

Omigod, don’t even get me started. When we covered the Power Ball last year, there was a hot tub out back, blow jobs in sculptures and curators fumbling over our cleave. This was the first episode that I had to call a friend from the edit suite to ask: “What kind of trouble will we get in if we release this episode?” We sometimes still get the cold shoulder from some of the characters here – and were told by the media peeps at the Power Plant this year that they ran out of media comps. In other words (unless we’re just paranoid), we’re not invited back. So if you haven’t watched this classic: ArtStars* 5 – The Power Ball, now is your chance to see why we’re kept at bay (and why Andrew Harwood, pictured above as Madame Zsa Zsa, was a bigger hit than ourselves).

This year, Fritz Helder is playing, mayoral candidate Keith Cole, Xpace director Derek Liddington and old favourite Kelly Mark are all doing art projects – but if you watched our AGO Massive Party coverage, you’ll see these snooty fundraisers have nothing to do with art. That said, we suggests you sneak in through the back fence or lift the lip of the white tent – that’s the way most artists get in (unless a lawyer friend splurged on a bunch of tickets and generously donates them to their favourite ArtStars*). Whatever you do, don’t arrive fashionably late, the rammed open bar shutters early at 1 a.m., and I hope you’ve got a flavor for tropical martinis). This was the first time we were snapped by the paparazzi in Chanel.

3. Matmos, So Percussion and Gastric Female Reflex

Primary Colors promoter Alex Coleurs (I wish he’d change his last name to Colors), is moving away to Baltimore for sound engineering school in September – so it’s one of his last shows. Don’t miss it! They’re always super fucked up and fun.

He also put on a refreshing show at DeLeon White Gallery, also known as ArtStars* 23 – Wham City, but if you watch very closely, you’ll notice we forgot to bring a microphone.

While Matomos will surely draw the crowd (he remixed Bjork, remember), don’t miss local openers Gastric Female Reflex who also run this handmade record label called Bennifer Editions. It is seriously the only place you can get records wrapped in what feels like mail art.

Venue alert: Meta Gallery is inside Rolly’s Garage, a former mechanic’s garage, seriously one of the best venues in the city – rich with history, neighborhood drama and sass.

Friday, June 11, 8:30 p.m., Meta Gallery, 124 Ossington Ave., $8, holyholyholyrecords [at] gmail.com. Advance tickets (recommended) available at Soundscapes (572 College Street) and Rotate This (801 Queen Street W). This is an all ages event.

Oh, and what’s that about Richard Kern?

The boob inspector who turned down a shoot with Diana McNally, photographed us for our latest episode, ArtStars* 40 – RICHARD KERN. He pays his models typically $150 per session, but since we forced him into a shoot on the ArtStars* cam,  the 56-year-old artist who shoots dazed-out, Lolita-esque teens offered this pic as a “trade for portfolio.” That means no pay, but here’s the picture. He held the camera up high and said “look absent.” I think it might have worked.

ArtStars* is also syndicated by Torontoist.