DÉCLASSÉ-FIED: MuchMusic Video Awards 2010

Special MMVAs weekend roundup! Backstage antics, eavesdropping on Miley Cyrus, party-hopping observations, and general judgments.

The MuchMusic Video Awards. An annual summer spectacle featuring the hottest in music, movies, and television, defining all that is relevant in pop culture these days.

The weekend of madness began Saturday evening when I hit The Block party – a four-venue event spread across Queen St West where celebrities can mingle and pick up some swag, marking the official commencement of the MMVA weekend. Umbra was stop number one, followed by a private performance from The Raveonettes, who rocked the small cottage warehouse-like space across from MuchMusic headquarters. Local artists and MMVA nominees in attendance included Lights, Down With Webster, Raveonettes fan Fefe Dobson (totally jamming perched on a windowsill), Carly Rae Jepson, party scene staples Degrassi kids, and assorted industry insiders. The two other locations were New Era and Upper Lavish, all of which were packed with party people.

Day 2 and it’s showtime! Post-apocalyptic concert experience hearing aid-necessity aside, excitement was both seen and heard, with masses of (mostly) teen girls packing the blocked-off streets, awaiting red carpet arrivals and the 9PM show, lining up way too early to be labeled sane.

The MMVAs are known for outrageous antics on the red carpet, usually featuring alternative modes of transportation such as a time machine car (Karl Wolf), or ice cream truck, which was Katy Perry‘s choice of eccentricity. Oh, and her red carpet dress resembled that of something off a Siren’s sale rack. I kind of hope it was an ode-to-Jersey Shore. Love for Katy Perry.

Miley Cyrus was this year’s MMVAs co-host, taking the reigns from the Jonas Brothers, hosts from the year prior. Does anyone remember the Jo Bros? A year ago, three moppy-haired kids ruled the world of tweens and pages of Tiger Beat, while Justin Bieber was still busking on street corners in Stratford, Ontario. Fast forward to 2010 and J-Biebs is the new princess on the block, sexually confusing prepubescents around the globe. Why is Bieber-mania larger than the Jonai ever were? Maybe it’s because Nick, Joe, and Kevin all took a vow of chastity, while Bieber is a lil’ player who hits on all of his female interviewers and frolics the beaches of Bahamas with Kim Kardashian. Someday, that could be you! Or until next year when a new overnight teen superstar dominates the hearts and charts.

Spotted: Miley Cyrus in the MuchMusic building bathroom, blabbing on and on (from the stall) to her on-guard mom about Liam, her boyfriend, not wanting to go to some premier without her when he totally should because he’d obviously be the hottest one there, while mom nodded in agreement at every statement. Miley even suggested he take her little sister, Noah, who would supposedly enjoy it. She is 10 years old. It may sound like me ‘n Miles were hanging out in there for 15 minutes, but on the contrary, girlfriend talks really fast, and after an assessment in the mirror, she walked her tall, thin, gangly self out to awaiting wranglers. Yay for awkward eye contact.

Miley performed twice, singing Party in the USA and closing the show with Can’t Be Tamed. She wore scrap material bound together by less scrap material, leaving nothing to the imagination of what an underage girl might look like, garnering gasps from press people watching the feed from the media room. Not that Perez Hilton hadn’t already fully exposed Miley when he blasted a crotch-shot on his Twitter last week. But alright, we get it. Your animal instincts cannot be toned down. You are no longer under the contractual control of Disney. The self-proclaimed celibate star gyrated and grinded on stage, over-sexualizing her 17-year-old self. She doesn’t need sex, she has fame. It exploits her enough. I was behind the stage, guilty-pleasure karaoke-ing to her tunes, when a sudden pyro explosions of fireworks blasted into the evening sky, scaring the sh*t out of every smoke-break casual bystander. Someone yelled “It’s not G-20 YET!”. People actually screamed in fright. That’s the reaction you receive, Miley.

This year’s guest list held an assortment of celebutantes, including Kristin Cavallari, Whitney Port, Miley’s on-screen Hannah Montana BFF Emily Osment, Gossip Girl‘s adorable Jessica Szohr, performances by Katy, Biebs, Miley, Ke$ha, Drake, Stereos, DWW, Marianas Trench, Hedley, and my new obsession, Adam Lambert aka Glambert.

But let’s talk about the biggest stars in all of the land, ever, Jersey Shore’s Snooki and Pauly D. It’s as if they’ve floated in off another planet and have hypnotized the entire population with intoxicating hairspray and blinding skin tones. Snooki is 4 ft. tall (give or take,) and Pauly D’s hair is symmetrically sculpted with jizzy residue. When asked what he thinks of The Situation‘s hot new rap single, he refused to comment on whether or not he likes it, instead reiterating that he’d spin it during a DJ set, that’s it. Personally, I want to petition for a Snooki/Situation collaboration. Snooki herself is far from looking real, by the way. She posed at the media wall and made her signature obnoxious “Heh?” snarly honking noise when asked for one more photo. Bitch vibes, is all I’m saying.

Fun fact: CTV news reported police finding a seemingly suspicious army vehicle parked in an alley downtown, and being overly-alert due to the upcoming G-20 Summit, they decided to investigate it. Turns out, it was only Perez Hilton’s bulletproof transportation. Security precautions he needs. Making the city rounds, Perez Hilton’s One Night in Toronto “private” MMVA afterparty looked more like a reincarnation of the Betsey Johnson 2010 fashion show. Ashley Tisdale was hustling out as we walked in, so that should have  been an indication to not venture in any further. Apparently, Hilton was handing out passes to the public crowd, and that entire gaggle decided to show up. Snooki and Pauly D were introduced on stage, and musical acts including Darelle London, Danny Masterson aka DJMOMJEANS, and Katy Perry’s DJ BFFs Mia Moretti and Caitlin Moe. According to Perez’s Twitter, Kid Sister and Katy Perry showed for a surprise musical appearance around 1AM. Long gone by then, the next scheduled stop was Ultra.

Ultra’s rooftop patio was packed, with rumours of MMVA performers Adam Lambert and Ke$ha showing up wafting away into the starry night sky. Actually spotted: MuchMusic VJs Jesse, Liz, Devon, and Sarah, MTV’s Dan and Jessi, the cast of The Secret Life of the American Teenager, Bedouin Soundclash, and, of course, Degrassi’s Adamo Ruggiero and Lauren Collins. Drinks were flowing on the steamy summer’s eve, and this bold dude’s classy after hours suggestion seemed like an appealing way to end a long 2-days-in-heels weekend. Pool party idea shut down, we headed to the Horseshoe for 4AM last call and final farewells.

90210‘s Shenae Grimes and I backstage.

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Thanks for another funtabulous time, MuchMusic! See you in 2011.

Red Carpet Photos+ Live shots via MuchMusic.com
Words and Photos by Melania Fedyna