DÉCLASSÉ-FIED: Tuesday, July 6th, 2010

Justin Bieber falls victim to internet bullying, sexy Soviet spies, The Black Eyed Peas are revolutionary, and mini-Madonna is making her mark on materialism.

Half a million strong to send Justin Bieber to North Korea! This is why I love the internetz. An official contest was launched where fans get the opportunity to vote to have Justin Bieber tour their country; location with most votes wins. The Spice Girls did this during their reunion tour. (Toronto won, obviously.) Well, epic website 4Chan, notorious for being hilariously hilarious and spawning an internet sub-culture of LOLs, took over every girl’s dream and suggested people vote for Biebs to play in the secretive communist nation of North Korea. It is currently the number one voted destination, quickly jumping from 24th to 1st place. “Given the fact that almost all citizens of North Korea are denied internet access and there are restrictive controls over all media, it is unlikely that any of the votes have actually come from within the country. Justin Bieber has been target of a number of internet pranks in recent weeks. Last month, a post on 4Chan urged users to all search for the term “Justin Bieber Syphilis” pushing it to the top of Google Trend’s Hot Searches list.” (BBC News). LEAVE BIEBER ALONE! Just kidding. I have some Googleing to do.

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Who is SALT? Probably not the Russian (supposed) spy who has been under recent investigation for plotting to infiltrate the inner circle of young royals William and Harry. Sounds like MY social life. 28-year-old Anna Chapman‘s attempts at meeting them was apparently cause for concern. “In late June of this year, Chapman and nine other alleged spy suspects were arrested in the United States. According to the indictment, she was caught communicating with the Russian intelligence service, the SVR, using a computer attached to a wireless network at a Starbucks coffee shop in January, and two months later from a bookshop. She faces a charge of conspiring to act as an unregistered agent of a foreign government, which carries a potential penalty of five years in prison.” (CTV News). This is a REAL story, and in perfect timing with Angelina Jolie‘s sessy spy thriller. Impeccable coincidental timing, universe.

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More Peas, please. Apparently, big-time director and Avatar-inventor James Cameron is collaborating with The Black Eyed Peas to create a 3-D concert tour movie-experience-thing. I refuse to watch Avatar, and am skeptical when it comes to anything suddenly coming toward my face (that’s what she said), especially all of their on-stage costume armor. It’s being pounded into us that BEP are all about futurism and reinvention, but the schtick feels somewhat expired. Will.I.Am has been quoted as saying “We have the biggest director because we are the biggest group on the planet.” It’s hard for me to take this statement seriously, and it doesn’t help to settle those rumours of Fergie-Ferg leaving the group due to ego clashes. That happens to be false, but statements such as these make BEP an easy target for mostly unwarranted negativity.

P.S. — There were also rumblings of James Cameron weighing in with ideas to help solve the BP oil crisis. BEP crisis? Busy guy.

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Madonna‘s daughter Lourdes Leon aka Lola has a started a clothing line called Material Girl, designed exclusively for U.S. retailer Macy’s. Because she can. When I was 13, I was obsessed with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and still addicted to playing Neopets. This kid is, if not already, on a non-stop trip to Coolville, judging from her style. She’s barely 14 and proof that if Madonna is your mother, you can get away wearing platforms and smoky eyes to elementary school. The inexpensive line seems to be very 80′s/Desperately Seeking Susan-inspired. But girl better watch her back, because J-Woww is also new on the scene with her Filthy Couture, which is sure to rival that of a tween’s dream. I realize this is a baseless comparison, but look at J-Woww and then look at this girl, and just compare the general aesthetic.

This is an enthusiastically descriptive excerpt from Lola’s first blog entry (which seems to be missing now — via JustJared) on MaterialGirlCollection.com: “I am totally obsessivo about 80’s shorts… You know the kind that makes your butt look kinda big, with a grunge-looking shirt tucked in. It’s kinda nerdy but I love it. And the 80’s are another huge obsession of mine, which is totally amazingly awesome because Material Girl…HELLO! It’s like 80’s themed, which pretty much rocks, so yeah.” “Music wise My Chemical Romance is THE BEST BAND EVER for realzzzz. They are so awesome it hurts. If you don’t know who they are just… go away OR download their songs.” Run, Lola, Run.

Madonna with some pieces from the Material Girl collection (above), and J-Woww with her spandex-y debut on sexy-mamacita models (below)

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