DÉCLASSÉ-FIED: Tuesday, July 20th, 2010
Gibson, Slaughter, Palins — in no particular order. Scandal, fame-whoring, scandalous fame-whoring. Theme of the week: “You dun goofed!”
Do you want to know your 4chan? Probably not if it’s coming from the internet “bullying” cult of hilarious virtual destruction. Their lastest victim? 11-year-old Jessi Slaughter (yes, 11 and Slaughter), a prominent member of internet community Stickam, who apparently has loads of h8rz and was forced to make a video blog telling them off. Well, 4chan caught sight of this shameful video and decided to make her their next game of cyber taunting, simultaneously destroying her xcore repertoire and launching her to internet infamy. Because of 4chan’s orders, there was an influx of hate messages sent to her, as well as personal info published for the interwebs to absorb and abuse as they will. Also caught in the mix, a rumourific scandal that a lame singer who calls himself Davhie Vanity (above) from a lame MySpace Hot Topic band Blood on the Dance Floor raped Jessi. With his music, no doubt. At first glance, I thought the accused Sir Vanity was an eclectically-expressive suburban teenage girl, which would have made this that much more entertaining. Some random guy took it upon himself to record a prank call to Jessi’s house and tell her mother that he’s from the police department and investigating these allegations. All of this sounds harsh, perhaps, but the memes that came from this are beyond epic. Video evidence below. MEMES.
“Consequences will never be the same” consequences. If you care for more, there is a relatively catchy dubset remix of this floating around.
Angry dad says “you dun goofed”:
Oh, but don’t you worry! Little Jessi Slaughter got right back on her Stickam, proclaiming she’ll “take any fame [she] can get!” Call me 100, but I can’t believe she’s only 11. I wish I, too, had been born on the internet. My pseudonym could be “Mel Amphetamine”. FYI, 4chan were behind the whole “send Justin Bieber to North Korea” campaign. Insert internet culture “epic win” here.
I wonder if 4chan take personal requests.
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I refuse to discuss the “Mad Mel” Gibson issue deeper than the heavily-scraped surface, so I will let you comment on this situation if you so choose. It’s basically his publicist-said/her-publicist said vs. tape recordings. Hollywood can has another Russian mail-order bride-spy, Angelina Jolie-lips-wannabe, Nadya Suleman-consequences fame whore? I’m obviously not condoning abuse, but I just don’t care to dissect these peoples’ lives any further than what the alleged recordings have already brought to light.
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Teen parents Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are engaged. Over the past whatever length of time has passed since he impregnated the former governors teenage daughter, it’s been Levi versus baby mama’s mama drama featuring certified shotgun owner something-political Sarah Palin. The two have apparently been butting heads like…like moose in Alaska. But it’s all good, since the 19 and 20-year-old Bristol and Levi went and sold their shit to US Weekly before telling mom. S-Pal is probably still reeling from Levi’s hunk-a-delic Playgirl spread.
Naturally, this recent engagement news has left many avid Playgirl readers devastated, as well as Kathy Griffin, who is more distraught than Bridget Jones on a lonely Saturday evening. Kathy and Levi have been somewhat of an item in the publicity circuit; Levi had been Griffin’s 2009 Teen Choice Awards date, so that really should’ve solidified the legitimacy of their rendezvousing days. She also took the time to visit him in his native town of Wasilla, Alaska. There was a film crew with her shooting for My Life on the D-List, but I mean, what relationship hasn’t survived the test of having a few grainy, camera-caught intimate moments? Am I right?
P.S. — Follow me on Twitter, read my blog, read my mom’s blog which she doesn’t realize she’s contributing to, ask me anything, join my “fan” page, and then add my any and every social networking account you can find off Google search results, etc, etc. And if you decide to hate all up on me, I WILL “backtrace” you and the consequences will never be the same.
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Today is the day of incarceration for Lindsay Lohan. The saga continues. Good luck, girl. See you in 90 days — definitely a lengthy period of time.
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Until next time…keep fit, and have fun!