According to a Queer Grrrl: Drunk Degenerite or Designated Walker?

You already know how to be a degenerite when you get drunk. The silly laughter, the ability to dance better, and have more swagger to impress the grrrls. Until of course you see the unflattering Face Book pics the next day. According to urban word dictionary, a Designated Walker or DW is a person who makes sure you dont get hit by a bad camera angle,  ”runs the risk of projectile vommitting” and gets everyone home safe and sound. For the most part, you are sober, or drink very little. Its the 2011 version of an old adage, the designated driver, reworked.

Why would anyone chose such an endeavor? How many times have you seen a group of pretty drunk people, who really don’t know what they are doing. Throw a “non drunk” into the mix, and stuff makes better sense. If anyone questions why you arent drinking when everyone else is, just say you are the DW. Tell them that next week, its your bff/buddy/best drinking pal who is the DW and you plan to get plastered. Until then you are still going to have a good time despite not being wasted.

Its More fun when you are a Virgin

Just about every cocktail, from an Alabama Slammer to the Oreo Cookie can be made without booze. Just put the word “Virgin” before the name of the drink. Martini and wine glasses evote emotion, just looking at them. Try a Virgin Bellini instead of wine in that seductive wine glass. Cranberry juice splashed with sparkling water shaken, not stirred  into that sexy martini glass. Try saying “I will have Safe Sex on the Beach” with out laughing. The phrase,  ”its a  Bloody Shame that I am not drinking” works great for dudes.

Blow Jobs and Orgasms

When ordering shots, you dont have to be excluded.  This works for any “creamy” shot. Practise makes perfect on a drink like this even if its not virgin. Imagine  being able to say these words “I would like a  ”Virgin Blow Job.” or “Totally Naked Orgasm.”  Translation? Creme/milk to the top of the shot glass, whipped creme  swirling  above.  You can still do it handless, only using your mouth. When everyone else is tipping the shot back,  off the table,  so are you.   You can also be the willing victim of a Body Shot

Rail Shots and Beer.

This is an easy one. Whatever glass is used to serve a mixed drink, tell the barkeep to just put in pop with lots of rocks. Kind of sort of looking like a rum and coke if a person in a dim light is trying to figure out what is whetting your whistle. Saying you are the DW to the sever sometimes gets your drinks for cheap or free. Holding a bottle of  low alcohol beer makes you stick out like a sore thumb. Instead of drinking it out of the bottle just use a tall ale glass and you are good to go. Your bonding with your buddies doesn’t get interrupted. Bonus points as people walking by wont even know you are the DW.

Not drinking is always an option when going out, and not too many people have fun with it.So i say if you are going to do it, do it right and do it in style.

words by shona