Ask Mica: Bromance 101

the Best Friend Forever asked:

I have a friend who is 26 and still lives at home with his mom wearing dirty socks and watching TV. He seems to think finding a girlfriend will help him get a job. But obviously you need a job before you can get a girl. I’m worried he’s going to get too desperate/lazy soon (as in, craigslist connection desperate) and catch something nasty from one of those girls. We’ve been best buds since middle school and I feel it’s my responsibility to help him out. Any suggestions?

Mica says:

Hey BFF,

Kudos for having the bromance thing down pat.

Sharing is caring!

Here are the 3 steps you should probably have your buddy follow to get him off of the couch and out into the world:

Step 1. Get a Job 

Establish whether this dude is good looking or not. Is he tall? Handsome? Free of leftover teen acne? If the answer is yes, your friend may be able to finagle a girl to (somehow) fall for him, and foolishly help him get a job.

If he only has one of the 3 main attractions – other than “personality” – then he’s probably out of luck for the easy way out of this option (girl help). You need to help this man get a job. Stat. Craigslist has tons of entry level jobs, construction jobs, moving jobs (if he has a driver’s licence, this might be the way for him to buff up and make dough). If anything, send the poor kid over to the City of Toronto’s Employment Services department. Seeing all the skilled workers with no jobs might scare him straight.

Step 2. Get out of Dodge

Does his mother coddle him? Chances are if he’s sitting at home in dirty tighty greyies (when the tighty whiteys age), his momma loves to have him there eating all her food, contributing nothing and grunting in response to her questions.

Once he can get through Step 1 and save enough money to move, why not suggest you get a place together? Unless you’re worried he’ll turn you into his new mommy…

Step 3. Get Laid

This friend of yours is clearly been lacking real contact with any woman other than his mother. Maybe craigslist IS what he needs…a disease, maybe not. If anything, why not have your padre come out with you and your friends one night (after bathing, shaving, manscaping of course) and at least pretend he has a chance at snagging a girl. That way he can go home smelling faintly of beer and cigarettes, proud that he gave it a try.

And if he gets even the slightest bit of action – and I’m talking about conversing with a girl – you will go down in his books as the best friend you are. Plus, he can use this opportunity to go for a job interview the next day looking, smelling, feeling like a million bucks.

email your questions to askmica@pinkmafia.ca and stay tuned for your answers!