Tour Diary: Thailand-Koh Samui Week 2

Week two on Koh Samui and I don’t even know where to begin.
We discovered this delicious veggie/raw restaurant at a detox resort and after a week of menus riddled with burgers and fries, Thai food packed with MSG, and more summer fair/ball game/King St. tourist fare than you can shake a stick at, we practically made out with the waiters when we sat down and opened the menu. And, get this, at home it would have easily been $100 meal we got for less than $15 Canadian. So we ate three meals a day at the Spa Resort before deciding to just book in for a 5 day juice cleanse.
For the low low price of about $500 Canadian, we got 5 nights accommodation, daily massage, steam room, yoga and meditation, plus all the organic juice, broth and fruit you can cosume.
Our friend Fun Bobby came to visit after months of consuming nothing but buckets at parties all through South East Asia. I forgot to mention to him, of course, that the week was going to include two self-administered colema’s (Bobby’s demonstration below) as part of the detox.

It was a pretty uneventful week, filled with healing and reading and boredom and laughs, and maybe one Ladyboy cabaret (read: drag show), but mostly it was like getting a big lovely hug.

This is where we took Yoga every day. In the trees.

Here’s some just to make you feel bad that it’s winter there, and like this here, and all I seem to do is bitch about the food (le sigh).

After three days of juicing and learning about Colema’s and all the nasty toxins we were getting out of our bodies, we came home to find these two buckets on our porch. With. Our. Names. On. Them.

I’ll let Bobby demonstrate how to put it together (we did this ourselves in the bathroom at the cabin)

First you hang the bucket over the sink and fill it with luke warm water. 16 fucking litres of that mixed with 3 cups of coffee.

slide this thingamajigger over the toilet to lie on

looks comfy right?

then you take all that lube, shove the tube in your ass and the affix a hose at the other end and lie there while 16 litres of water and coffee gets pumped through your colon. Bobby made it almost the whole way on the first try, Sam made it through no problems, but not me. Somehow I managed to unload 8 litres of that liquid in my ass and it wouldn’t come out. I looked like a pregnant, bloated lady, not to mention there was a serious 10 minute panic when i realized my body wasn’t “letting go”, followed by blinding cramps. Turns out I’m both the best at Colema’s (as you are supposed to hold that shit in, no pun intended) and the worst (because I thought I was dying the whole time).

Bobby was very happy we invited him on this lovely journey (he went out to the ladyboys that night and chugged beer till he forgot about the self-administered ass-rape his friends talked him into).

As I’m sure Bobby is as dark as an old leather boot now, I just wanted to post a pic of him the first day he moved from block to oil on the beach.

here we are on the final day. me= about to go for a run (the last one i had in thailand) and Bobby, about to get the fuck out of that place for good.

Also, my friend and spiritual coach, Nicola, showed up after a few months teaching in India to unwind and detox on Samui for a month before going back. this was taken the day before we left and incidentally, also the day before her appendix almost burst and she ended up in the Samui hospital (a 5 star hotel by comparison to ours) to have it removed. We saw her again the day she got out after Koh Tao, drugged up, but happy that it happened in Thailand and not India. Bullet, dodged.