Ask Mica: Allergic to the Mess

Dear Mica, My boyfriend and I have have been together for almost a year and recently started living together. Our relationship is great – save for the fact that he’s a total slob and doesn’t put the toilet seat down. He also has a cat – this wouldn’t be an issue except for the fact that I’m pretty damn allergic. We’ve tried everything: Reactin, herbal remedies at home etc. and nothing has worked. I love him and I don’t want him to get rid of the cat – it would break his heart. But I also can’t breathe whenever I’m at home! Ideas? An Allergic Lover

Mica says,

Dear AAL, congrats on making that big step in your relationship! Everyone eventually goes down that road – the question is how it turns out following what I’m about to recommend.

You have two issues here – his messiness and his feline friend. Here’s how to handle both:

Messy Man Syndrome

1. Address is with him directly but softly.

He obviously was like that before and thus has a certain home M.O. he abides by. Make it clear to him that while you love him, and the space, yadda yadda yadda, you feel like he’s slacking a bit in that department and you would like for both of you to make a concentrated effort to keep it clean. Either way make it clear that while you don’t want to nag him he should definitely be respecting you and your new joint home. Give the dude a couple of weeks to get his act together. A few gentle reminders won’t hurt either.

2. If #1 didn’t work:

Nag him until he cleans. KIDDING! Kind of. This is the point that you’ll probably need to re-address the issue. If you can live with him being half-assed for the forseeable future, then do as you will.

If not, lay down the law and tell that man if he doesn’t put the seat down, you’ll clean it with his toothbrush. KIDDING! Kind of.

Cat Got Your Tongue

This is the issue that should be address before the above – if it goes south, his cleaning habits won’t matter. If nothing is working for you allergies you should think about trying a naturopath – you can find listings of all registered naturopathic doctors in Ontario here. (Click here for the CCM).

If after all of the trouble there is still no resolution, he’s going to make a decision – you or the cat. Hopefully he chooses you. At that point, help him find a home for the little allergy inducing animal and allow him visits so long as he doesn’t come home and walk around the house covered in cat hair.

Good luck!