Ask Mica: Best Friends for Never

Dear Mica,

My good friend and I have recently started to become more distanced. I’m super busy and have a lot on the go (and she’s the same way). I want to stay friends with her but I’m not sure how to go about doing it when I can barely make time for family! My schedule isn’t very flexible and she doesn’t seem to want to make an effort to see me either. We haven’t always seen eye to eye (especially as of late) so I’m not even sure if this friendship can work going forward. Help!

BF4L?

Hey BF4L,

I’m sorry to hear you and your amigo are not the closest right now – this is something that can happen to even the best of buds.

First off, I’d recommend taking a step back and truly thinking about what the most major part of any animosity is. It always takes two to tango, but sometimes particular causes can be more dominant than others.

On one hand, if you’re actively engaged and really want to keep this person as a friend, then put in the work. Sit them down and make it clear that while you have tons of stuff you do, you want to stay friends – you just need them to be patient, and also make sure they know that when you try to work around times that work for them, you’re not doing it half-heartedly, you really do want to see them (it’s just a little harder, and may have to be delayed sometimes).

On the other hand, you said you are a busy person with 1 million and 1 things to do. If you’re not able to make time for someone and you aren’t willing to, then it’s time to let it go. This doesn’t mean you should go straight to the person and tell them you don’t want to be their friend anymore (which clearly isn’t the case if you’re asking me what to do), it just means that your priorities have changed. That’s ok, things happen. As we get older we re-evaluate how we want to delegate our time and, more often than not, we truly can’t do anything about it.

Who knows how things will progress over the years. In many cases, you’ll end up having friends you don’t get to see for ages but catch up with every once in a while in a frenzy of excitement to be together. You leave knowing that while you can’t always make it work, you can at least try.

Good luck!!