Entertaining Under The Influence…The Dirty White

This is a plan for a party. A theme party. Because everyday should be a theme  party and it just makes life easier when you have a good excuse for things. This party is based on two different sources. Originally it was inspired by my brothers, who introduced me to the horrors and wonders of the white trash bacon cheeseburger, and then by my friend’s sister who took this shit to the next level. So yeah: White Trash party/ Dirty white. It sounds easy enough, but it can be taken to unknown levels of shame and tackiness.

Food

Obviously this is the most important part and depending on your personal level of comfort with cooking and whether or not you really care, I’ve provided two ideas for menus. They’re interchangeable, and you can buy most of the menu items at the grocery store.  If not vegetarian. most of the offending ingredients can be easily switched out (vegannaise for mayonnaise and the like). Even fried chicken can be made vegan

WASP Trash
Fried Chicken
Dr. Pepper BBQ Ribs
Southern Macaroni and Cheese
Braised Greens with Bacon and Beer
Coleslaw
Buttermilk Biscuits
Corn on the Cob
Watermelon (vodka optional)

Dirty Wifebeat Don’t Curr Gonna Puke in a KFC Bucket
White Trash Bacon Cheeseburger**
Ambrosia Salad
KFC or something
Macaroni salad or something else gross from the deli section
Cheap Beer
All the alcohol in a bucket

Decoration
Put grocery store brand cheetos in empty KFC buckets (ask nicely). Flirt your ass off with the 17 year old 7/11 employee and get a bunch of big gulp cups for people to keep drinks in that will last all night. A Pabst box tower is always appreciated. Maybe hang some lights on it to make it more festive. Basically, watch Trailer Park Boys and do as they do. A little patriotism never hurt either.

Costumes
Obviously this is the best part. There is always the pregnant, ass-hanging out of cut off jeans, chain smoking mom, and the grease-stained baby daddy, but let’s try and expand beyond the obvious. Baby pink second hand faux-velour pants maybe? Or go a little cholla with some nasty pointy nails and chains.

Music
I’m not gonna go here. Play whatever plus Kid Rock every 5 songs

**White Trash Bacon Cheeseburger
Order 2 pepperoni pizzas. Find out how big they are. Get a ton of ground beef, make it into a patty that size. Grill (or bake use egg as a binder). Put the patty between the pizzas. Eat. Drink. Puke. Drink more.