Ask Mica: Creepy Cousin
My girlfriend and her (male) cousin are very close and hang out all the time. We’ve been dating for a few months now so I’ve had more than ample time to get to know him – and get creeped out by him.
I feel like he’s undressing me with his eyes every time we hang out, and he’s constantly making sexual jokes about us because we’re lesbians. The joke thing is something I’m used to from friends, but not at all funny considering they’re related!! I’ve mentioned it to her and she just says “that’s his sense of humor.” I understand that they’re close but it freaks me out. Should I say something to him or just get used to his rude ways?
- Lost in Translation
First off , GROSS!!! I don’t know if I’m more creeped out by the lechery towards you or the Royal Tennenbaum-esque behaviour. Here is how I think you should address it:
1. The whole lesbian joke thing is a time tested tradition among young men who are either not getting laid enough, have a decent imagination, and/or don’t understand it. If you get super creeped out by it but your GF doesn’t, I would address it with the dude yourself. Don’t be accusatory or mean when you speak to him. Just be honest and address the issue privately. Say something like, “I understand you and (insert GF’s name) are close and crack jokes with each other, but your comments make me uncomfortable. I love hanging with you, you’re a rad dude (blah blah blah) but it creeps me out slightly and I want to feel comfy around my fam.” He’s likely to either overreact and say that you’re the creep and are taking him too seriously, or he’ll cease and desist. Either way he will likely be very embarrassed and you can feel a sense of hurrah from calling the creeper out.
2. As for the nakey mind stripping, you can try calling him out on this with a joke (ie., “face is up here man”) so as to avoid an EXTRA awkward convo with him. If you are not the confrontational type, and the very thought of speaking with him about the first issue made you squeemish, then you know what sister? Get over it. Tons of duders are creepy. Unfortunately, sometimes we have to spend more time with the creeps than those who are normal. Maybe you can hook him up with a cousin/sister/friend so that he can stop being a lech and start being a COOL cousin, not a CREEPY one!
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