23 Oct 2012
Ask Mica: I Want You to Want Me
I’ve been friends with this (slightly) older guy for years. We have been dating on and off for half of the time and I still can’t tell what he wants. While he was in school he and I didn’t really hang out but since he’s been home we’ve been hanging out every once in a while. We always have a great time. He chases me for part of the time but then sometimes it’s the other way around. I tried to talk to him but he got freaked out and claimed being busy is what is keeping us in the casual zone. I feel like I’m not in control of the situation and I don’t like that. What do I do here?
Chasing to be Chased
This seems like your typical “boy and girl in friendzone, boy decides to go for girl, girl likes him, boy runs away” situation. There are two things to consider here.
1. Is he dating lots of other people?
This is a possible indication sign of whether he is as busy as he claims to be – if he is dating other people, he is clearly not looking for something serious right now, so you need to close that door (but don’t totallt lock it) until a later date.
Even if he’s not dating other girls that’s still not a reason for you to hop on the crazy train and propose marriage – he’s obviously dealing with life and/or having trouble with that and/or a million other things. Be his friend and offer help, but don’t smother him with attention because that is not what he’s looking for.
If you haven’t watched it by now (and I’m sure I’ve recommended it before), you need to read/watch He’s Just Not That Into you** – always be prepared for any weird boy conundrum.
2. Can you hang out with him casually/on a date without strings?
If you can’t hang out in a group of friends together or in a twosome without expectations, then you need to figure out a way to keep yourself away from him stat. Being around him will only torture you and continue to drive you with all the “what ifs”. At least this way you can control your exposure and not allow him to keep his grip on you all the time (even if he doesn’t mean to).
BUT if hanging around him is possible then I say go for it. THIS action will truly put you in control. F*ck him! (But don’t actually f*ck him). Live like a boss and live your life the way you want to. Go out with new people, do a shot with the cutie staring across the bar, dance with your eyes closed on counter of your local watering hole, and all that other “single and ready to mingle” advice. You’re probably young enough to get away with it so forget this fool and enjoy life! (And accept that you’ll make a few mistakes on the way).
**this is mandatory reading
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