Do you want to know your 4chan? Probably not if it’s coming from the internet “bullying” cult of hilarious virtual destruction. Their lastest victim? 11-year-old Jessi Slaughter (yes, 11 and Slaughter), a prominent member of internet community Stickam, who apparently has loads of h8rz and was forced to make a video blog telling them off. Well, 4chan caught sight of this shameful video and decided to make her their next game of cyber taunting, simultaneously destroying her xcore repertoire and launching her to internet infamy. Because of 4chan’s orders, there was an influx of hate messages sent to her, as well as personal info published for the interwebs to absorb and abuse as they will. Also caught in the mix, a rumourific scandal that a lame singer who calls himself Davhie Vanity (above) from a lame MySpace Hot Topic band Blood on the Dance Floor raped Jessi. With his music, no doubt. At first glance, I thought the accused Sir Vanity was an eclectically-expressive suburban teenage girl, which would have made this that much more entertaining. Some random guy took it upon himself to record a prank call to Jessi’s house and tell her mother that he’s from the police department and investigating these allegations. All of this sounds harsh, perhaps, but the memes that came from this are beyond epic. Video evidence below. MEMES.

The originator:
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“Consequences will never be the same” consequences. If you care for more, there is a relatively catchy dubset remix of this floating around.

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Angry dad says “you dun goofed”:

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Oh, but don’t you worry! Little Jessi Slaughter got right back on her Stickam, proclaiming she’ll “take any fame [she] can get!” Call me 100, but I can’t believe she’s only 11. I wish I, too, had been born on the internet. My pseudonym could be “Mel Amphetamine”. FYI, 4chan were behind the whole “send Justin Bieber to North Korea” campaign. Insert internet culture “epic win” here.

I wonder if 4chan take personal requests.

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I refuse to discuss the “Mad Mel” Gibson issue deeper than the heavily-scraped surface, so I will let you comment on this situation if you so choose. It’s basically his publicist-said/her-publicist said vs. tape recordings. Hollywood can has another Russian mail-order bride-spy, Angelina Jolie-lips-wannabe, Nadya Suleman-consequences fame whore? I’m obviously not condoning abuse, but I just don’t care to dissect these peoples’ lives any further than what the alleged recordings have already brought to light.

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Teen parents Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are engaged. Over the past whatever length of time has passed since he impregnated the former governors teenage daughter, it’s been Levi versus baby mama’s mama drama featuring certified shotgun owner something-political Sarah Palin. The two have apparently been butting heads like…like moose in Alaska. But it’s all good, since the 19 and 20-year-old Bristol and Levi went and sold their shit to US Weekly before telling mom. S-Pal is probably still reeling from Levi’s hunk-a-delic Playgirl spread.

NSFW-or-Republicans!

Naturally, this recent engagement news has left many avid Playgirl readers devastated, as well as Kathy Griffin, who is more distraught than Bridget Jones on a lonely Saturday evening. Kathy and Levi have been somewhat of an item in the publicity circuit; Levi had been Griffin’s 2009 Teen Choice Awards date, so that really should’ve solidified the legitimacy of their rendezvousing days. She also took the time to visit him in his native town of Wasilla, Alaska. There was a film crew with her shooting for My Life on the D-List, but I mean, what relationship hasn’t survived the test of having a few grainy, camera-caught intimate moments? Am I right?

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P.S. — Follow me on Twitter, read my blog, read my mom’s blog which she doesn’t realize she’s contributing to, ask me anything, join my “fan” page, and then add my any and every social networking account you can find off Google search results, etc, etc. And if you decide to hate all up on me, I WILL “backtrace” you and the consequences will never be the same.

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Today is the day of incarceration for Lindsay Lohan. The saga continues. Good luck, girl. See you in 90 days — definitely a lengthy period of time.

LL on the cover of the August/September issue of Complex Magazine.

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Until next time…keep fit, and have fun!

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I am horrified at the number of Lady Gaga replicas I encountered on the streets this weekend, inevitably headed to one of her two shows in Toronto at the ACC. There were little Gag-lettes of every possible version of the “pop princess” roaming about, distracting the normal touristy-types from the commuters also caught in the hustle and bustle. Follow the trail of glitter and diamond shards of left-over thinking-for-ones-self and you may find an impressionable girl with anime eyes. Yes, the very same (but not really) as those seen in Gaga’s video for Bad Romance. Apparently there is some sort of Gag-spawned trend to stick cheap giant eyeball-effect contacts onto your eyes in order to achieve that creepy, computer-generated look of the Lady’s. Girls are getting eye infections because of this quest for originality by imitating someone who imitates others. According to CBS News, the “trend” originated in South Korea, and is actually illegal in Americanland. Figures.

I’m sure the Hello Kitty brand “circle lens” contact lenses bought online in wholesale used in this tutorial are completely medically tested and approved. Now, if only I could implant a computer generator to transform my face in day-to-day life. I would be a kindergarten craft project circa 2010.

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Side note: I just Googled “Lady Gaga imitators” and photo results of Peaches appeared. No. Just…no.

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Lindsay Lohan has an awesome manicure (“F*CK U” uncensored, naturally). Is sentenced to 90 days in prison. Cries. But here’s the REAL story (via Fox News): “Lesbian Prison Gangs Waiting to Get Hands on Lindsay Lohan, Inmate Says”.  Oh, my God. “Tamara Haley, 38, is doing time for heroin possession and prostitution. She said Monday: “Everyone will want a piece of her. It will make them famous if they hurt Lindsay Lohan.” Obviously, Lindsay will be “segregated from the general population, but where she’s going it is even worse. It’s the wing where the murderers are.” Oh, perfect. “I don’t think they will actually be able to get to her, but you never know. At the very least some of those hard cases will try to scare her. They’ll scream stuff to her from their cells.” Are you also shuffling all sorts of mental images within your mind? Little Parent Trap-Lohan, huddling in a cold corner in an orange jumpsuit that does nothing for her ginger complexion, while angry ball-cutter-off-ers make obscene gestures. She’s going to come out of there all hardened and tough, with a tear-drop tattoo and soap-carving skills. Who’s the bi/utch now, Sam Ronson?

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You may have heard of this kid via his Facebook fan page – Colton Harris Moore. A 19-year-old American fugitive, infamous for assorted burglary, as well as stealing cars and even planes. The FBI has been chasing him for 2 years, after escpaing from juvy and slyly evading authorities . They finally caught up with him in Bahamas, after a high-speed boat chase. Nick-named “The Barefoot Bandit”, he was shackled and escorted (sans shoes) to be held in a Bahamian prison where he pled guilty to charges of illegally landing/crashing a plane on the island. He’s been sentenced to three months in jail or a $300 dollar fine – which doesn’t account for the multiple burglaries he’s wanted for in the United States. (The Vancouver Sun). This kid is a modern-day outlaw. He outsmarted the FBI at age 17, and managed to steal more than one plane? It’s an art which he claims to have learned from video games – flying, that is. I’m sure virtual theft-simulation has nothing to do with his mad skills. In other news, I just got ahold of an Xbox console. Beware.

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Roman Polanski is free! The film director had been recently charged for having sex with a thirteen-year-old girl in 1977, when he was 44. For the past 9 months, the now 77-year-old Polanski has been on house arrest in a Swiss chalet. May I suggest he be transferred to THIS Swiss Chalet? At least they have cranberry sauce. All sorts of Stockholm Syndrome going on here. Or as the mainstream like to call it: Creepy girl and…dad?

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P.S. — Happy Birthday to my Twittering buddy, Courtney Love. She turned 46 on Friday. Rock on!

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Toronto’s own Metric blew it out of the park Friday night, playing to an apparent sold-out Molson Amphitheatre. Take the Betsey Johnson crowd, throw in some flip-flops, moccasins, Bieber-cuts and boyfriends, multiply by 100, and stick them in a stadium. That is the Metric fan population of 2010.

Let’s get some tees. Let’s party.

Holy Fuck and Passion Pit were the openers, gaining a warm reception from the enthused crowd.

Holy F*ck

Passion Pit

Damn right, it’s sexy time!

Metric hit the stage after 9 and owned the night for almost 2 hours. Emily Haines likes sequins, and evidently, sequined panties (see unintentional crotch shot).

Their set was anything but boring. Emily was constantly moving about the stage, playing guitar, tambourine, keys, topped with wicked vocals. Girl crush.

A humbling emotional end to show with little words needed to express Metric’s appreciation for the love exuded via mad cheers throughout the entire performance.

Not to draw attentions to this topic in a disrespectful manner, but can someone please explain to me these seemingly baseless rumours regarding Emily Haines being a supposed “bitch”? As I was leaving, I overheard Girl #4624940: “She wasn’t a bitch!” Guy # 367294: “I think she just has a bitchy-looking face.” I don’t understand how people can formulate these assumptions, based on…what? I think judging anyone that way without knowing them is completely lame, as cliche as that sounds. I give good “bitch face”, side-eyeing your speculations.

They create great music for the masses. Metric are big-time.

Half a million strong to send Justin Bieber to North Korea! This is why I love the internetz. An official contest was launched where fans get the opportunity to vote to have Justin Bieber tour their country; location with most votes wins. The Spice Girls did this during their reunion tour. (Toronto won, obviously.) Well, epic website 4Chan, notorious for being hilariously hilarious and spawning an internet sub-culture of LOLs, took over every girl’s dream and suggested people vote for Biebs to play in the secretive communist nation of North Korea. It is currently the number one voted destination, quickly jumping from 24th to 1st place. “Given the fact that almost all citizens of North Korea are denied internet access and there are restrictive controls over all media, it is unlikely that any of the votes have actually come from within the country. Justin Bieber has been target of a number of internet pranks in recent weeks. Last month, a post on 4Chan urged users to all search for the term “Justin Bieber Syphilis” pushing it to the top of Google Trend’s Hot Searches list.” (BBC News). LEAVE BIEBER ALONE! Just kidding. I have some Googleing to do.

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Who is SALT? Probably not the Russian (supposed) spy who has been under recent investigation for plotting to infiltrate the inner circle of young royals William and Harry. Sounds like MY social life. 28-year-old Anna Chapman’s attempts at meeting them was apparently cause for concern. “In late June of this year, Chapman and nine other alleged spy suspects were arrested in the United States. According to the indictment, she was caught communicating with the Russian intelligence service, the SVR, using a computer attached to a wireless network at a Starbucks coffee shop in January, and two months later from a bookshop. She faces a charge of conspiring to act as an unregistered agent of a foreign government, which carries a potential penalty of five years in prison.” (CTV News). This is a REAL story, and in perfect timing with Angelina Jolie’s sessy spy thriller. Impeccable coincidental timing, universe.

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More Peas, please. Apparently, big-time director and Avatar-inventor James Cameron is collaborating with The Black Eyed Peas to create a 3-D concert tour movie-experience-thing. I refuse to watch Avatar, and am skeptical when it comes to anything suddenly coming toward my face (that’s what she said), especially all of their on-stage costume armor. It’s being pounded into us that BEP are all about futurism and reinvention, but the schtick feels somewhat expired. Will.I.Am has been quoted as saying “We have the biggest director because we are the biggest group on the planet.” It’s hard for me to take this statement seriously, and it doesn’t help to settle those rumours of Fergie-Ferg leaving the group due to ego clashes. That happens to be false, but statements such as these make BEP an easy target for mostly unwarranted negativity.

P.S. — There were also rumblings of James Cameron weighing in with ideas to help solve the BP oil crisis. BEP crisis? Busy guy.

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Madonna’s daughter Lourdes Leon aka Lola has a started a clothing line called Material Girl, designed exclusively for U.S. retailer Macy’s. Because she can. When I was 13, I was obsessed with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and still addicted to playing Neopets. This kid is, if not already, on a non-stop trip to Coolville, judging from her style. She’s barely 14 and proof that if Madonna is your mother, you can get away wearing platforms and smoky eyes to elementary school. The inexpensive line seems to be very 80’s/Desperately Seeking Susan-inspired. But girl better watch her back, because J-Woww is also new on the scene with her Filthy Couture, which is sure to rival that of a tween’s dream. I realize this is a baseless comparison, but look at J-Woww and then look at this girl, and just compare the general aesthetic.

This is an enthusiastically descriptive excerpt from Lola’s first blog entry (which seems to be missing now — via JustJared) on MaterialGirlCollection.com: “I am totally obsessivo about 80’s shorts… You know the kind that makes your butt look kinda big, with a grunge-looking shirt tucked in. It’s kinda nerdy but I love it. And the 80’s are another huge obsession of mine, which is totally amazingly awesome because Material Girl…HELLO! It’s like 80’s themed, which pretty much rocks, so yeah.” “Music wise My Chemical Romance is THE BEST BAND EVER for realzzzz. They are so awesome it hurts. If you don’t know who they are just… go away OR download their songs.” Run, Lola, Run.

Madonna with some pieces from the Material Girl collection (above), and J-Woww with her spandex-y debut on sexy-mamacita models (below)

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Grab your waterproof mascara and graphic tees from Zellers, because Twilight fandemonium has officially been reignited, via the release of yet another installment to the series which causes so much heartache and concerned parental units. Unless, of course, you’re the proud daughter (or sometimes son?) of a patented Twi-Mom. Fankids. Shanty towns. Twilight premier. All of these things are exactly like the other. Welcome to the wonderful world of the Twilight saga. A land where no one grows old, a fantasy dreamville of raging hormones and mass accumulation of lost, confused souls.

The Twilight: Eclipse premiere was held Thursday in Los Angeles, and fangirls were out in full force, coming prepared, armed with tents, coolers, and shamelessness. An extensive makeshift campground was set up on the pavement outside the Nokia Theater, 4 days prior to the event. I would really, really, really like to get inside the heads of these tweens. Not just Twi-hards, but the Bieb-a-holics, as well. Is this entire generation completely certifiably insane? Or is it like a Josie and the Pussycats brainwashing sort of thing? Oh my God, the government  is controlling the minds of today’s youth with metaphorical characters injected with seductive charm and pale skin due to lack of personality and functionality sans attention.

Meanwhile, in real life (that’s the parallel universe in which your precious Robert Pattinson resides); Rob and Kristen Stewart continue to remain calm and composed during these baby-riots, somewhat unaffected (or deaf) from the daily shrieks they must endure. I still think they’re each other’s beard. Also, they seem like those somewhat nerdy, unpopular kids in high school who get thrust into the spotlight and forced popularity due to sudden recognition outside the realms of suburban culture. They’re super cool, but they can’t really comprehend as to why. And, in that, their cool points rise (as former Queen Bees stand huddled in a circle, silently scheming their demise). Taylor Lautner can play the role of the younger brother who becomes effortlessly attractive overnight – for an underager. And just for the record, I’m Team Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

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Breaking news! The Black Eyed Peas are splitting up for the hundredth time since before they were born. Just kidding. The ever-so reliable RadarOnline just reported that BEP have fallen victim to ego-maniacal rumblings and personality clashes, specifically Fergie vs. Will.I.Am. I don’t know who verifies these mysterious “sources” tabloids seems to fall indebted to, but I can tell you this little tidbit of nonsense is completely false. How dare someone mess with the hearts of rabid BEP fan-children? This type of fan may seem less-enthused than the Twilight breed, but trust, they are fully emotionally invested. Case in a point, a BlackEyedPeas.com user with erratic input. (Don’t ask me why I have access to this.) Earthquakes, tornados, flooding, and riots. Then The Peas will split and the world will come to an abrupt end.

Anyway, my sources, as well as Will’s Twitter (who needs a publicist), have confirmed that everything is fine in camp BEP. Still, The Black Eyed Peas remain a staple of the rumour sewing circle, having to deny multiple break-ups throughout the tears (that was supposed to be “years”, but gossip blogs are fueled by crying fans, you know). Also, LEAVE FERGIE ALONE! She’s not pregnant, she’s not fat, don’t perpetuate infidelity rumours, don’t be an mindless moron. Don’t provoke me to make a video blog.

Here are my darlings, very much together at Sunday’s BET Awards. (Even though, I’ve been informed, Will had previously been banned from attending the award show a few years back, for undisclosed reasons. Scandalous!)

The Black Eyed Peas are currently in the middle of the second leg of their The E.N.D. tour, which includes two back-to-back shows in Toronto July 27th & 28th. They promise to turn stadium venues into one huge club party. Check that out.

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I’m sure you’ve all seen or heard about Chris Brown’s little episode at the BET Awards, but to sum up: After a lovely tribute to Michael Jackson, Chris broke down and simply could not get through the final moments of his performance. Don’t they rehearse these shows for days beforehand? I’m leaning toward the side of skepticism and calling out unnecessary dramatics. “Look, I can cry too! I’m emotional and sensitive. I am hurting, love me! P.S. I have a new record out.”* What…a tool. In the eyes of the majority of the public, Chris Brown will forever be pegged a woman-beater . That’s the consequential reality. Even if one chooses to overlook the “incident” with Rihanna, you can’t deny that that f*ckery will be the first thing coming to mind. Chris Brown’s past will haunt him forever. In the media, at least.

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* (Not actual quote, obviously)

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Amanda Bynes has announced her retirement over Twitter, after 24 years of apparent slave-itude. She doesn’t “love” acting anymore. That’s it. Again, no publicist required. Are you going to miss Amanda’s overly-expressive faces and obnoxious characters? She started young. Check out this uber-annoying-yet-totally-adorable-because-she’s-ten video of Bynes doing stand-up at the Laugh Factory.

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And here’s a stalky photo of Amanda from a 2006 Black Eyed Peas afterparty, grinding with some  dude while in Toronto filming Hairspray. The guestlist was obviously super exclusive. Just a fun fact to add to this somewhat irrelevant retirement news. She’s the man!

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This leaning tower of skeezy is brought to you by Black Bloc latex. It’s probably wrong to laugh-out-loud at someone’s bruised-knee, but Gags was finally brought down by her plastic ego, aka Lady Gaga falls. In the words of my quotable mother, “She’s so gross!”.

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It’s Alt-Miley, Taylor Momsen! She’s definitely going for a Cherie Currie (The Runaways) kind of thing, and I approve. Corset and amazing stockings aside, I think Taylor is a lot less provocative than Miley Cyrus, who writhes around the stage like a woman selling herself in a brothel. This 16-year-old encapsulates the shock-value without coming off overly skanky — which is what The Runaways were about in the 1970’s. Throw in a guitar and it works.

Check out this video by Taylor’s band The Pretty Reckless. Thoughts? She’s totally living out my own personal rockstar-image fantasy.

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Joey Tribbiani is all grown up! Matt LeBlanc’s big night out.

(Image via TabloidProdigy)

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Maury. I watch this sh*t when I’m feeling down about myself and contemplating the current status of my life. Then I realize I can’t relate to Maury’s topics and everything seems clear. Nothing brings me up like knowing I veered down the correct path by not getting pregnant in elementary school. [Tip: Try watching this with the limited-edition vuvuzla-your-video soccer ball button option. It's just fun for everyone in your immediate vicinity and will drown out the shame you feel while listening to Misguided Youth #1 brag about rolling in pacifier options.] NECKTITUDE!

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I truly thought the last girl featured was a parody. On the contrary, a parody of herself. Check out this Stevie Ryan’s high-larious reenactment of said potential tween mom.

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Speaking of questionable life choices, my advice to children directly parallels that of Eminem’s, specifically numbers 4 through 1. Keep it real.

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The MuchMusic Video Awards. An annual summer spectacle featuring the hottest in music, movies, and television, defining all that is relevant in pop culture these days.

The weekend of madness began Saturday evening when I hit The Block party – a four-venue event spread across Queen St West where celebrities can mingle and pick up some swag, marking the official commencement of the MMVA weekend. Umbra was stop number one, followed by a private performance from The Raveonettes, who rocked the small cottage warehouse-like space across from MuchMusic headquarters. Local artists and MMVA nominees in attendance included Lights, Down With Webster, Raveonettes fan Fefe Dobson (totally jamming perched on a windowsill), Carly Rae Jepson, party scene staples Degrassi kids, and assorted industry insiders. The two other locations were New Era and Upper Lavish, all of which were packed with party people.

Day 2 and it’s showtime! Post-apocalyptic concert experience hearing aid-necessity aside, excitement was both seen and heard, with masses of (mostly) teen girls packing the blocked-off streets, awaiting red carpet arrivals and the 9PM show, lining up way too early to be labeled sane.

The MMVAs are known for outrageous antics on the red carpet, usually featuring alternative modes of transportation such as a time machine car (Karl Wolf), or ice cream truck, which was Katy Perry’s choice of eccentricity. Oh, and her red carpet dress resembled that of something off a Siren’s sale rack. I kind of hope it was an ode-to-Jersey Shore. Love for Katy Perry.

Miley Cyrus was this year’s MMVAs co-host, taking the reigns from the Jonas Brothers, hosts from the year prior. Does anyone remember the Jo Bros? A year ago, three moppy-haired kids ruled the world of tweens and pages of Tiger Beat, while Justin Bieber was still busking on street corners in Stratford, Ontario. Fast forward to 2010 and J-Biebs is the new princess on the block, sexually confusing prepubescents around the globe. Why is Bieber-mania larger than the Jonai ever were? Maybe it’s because Nick, Joe, and Kevin all took a vow of chastity, while Bieber is a lil’ player who hits on all of his female interviewers and frolics the beaches of Bahamas with Kim Kardashian. Someday, that could be you! Or until next year when a new overnight teen superstar dominates the hearts and charts.

Spotted: Miley Cyrus in the MuchMusic building bathroom, blabbing on and on (from the stall) to her on-guard mom about Liam, her boyfriend, not wanting to go to some premier without her when he totally should because he’d obviously be the hottest one there, while mom nodded in agreement at every statement. Miley even suggested he take her little sister, Noah, who would supposedly enjoy it. She is 10 years old. It may sound like me ‘n Miles were hanging out in there for 15 minutes, but on the contrary, girlfriend talks really fast, and after an assessment in the mirror, she walked her tall, thin, gangly self out to awaiting wranglers. Yay for awkward eye contact.

Miley performed twice, singing Party in the USA and closing the show with Can’t Be Tamed. She wore scrap material bound together by less scrap material, leaving nothing to the imagination of what an underage girl might look like, garnering gasps from press people watching the feed from the media room. Not that Perez Hilton hadn’t already fully exposed Miley when he blasted a crotch-shot on his Twitter last week. But alright, we get it. Your animal instincts cannot be toned down. You are no longer under the contractual control of Disney. The self-proclaimed celibate star gyrated and grinded on stage, over-sexualizing her 17-year-old self. She doesn’t need sex, she has fame. It exploits her enough. I was behind the stage, guilty-pleasure karaoke-ing to her tunes, when a sudden pyro explosions of fireworks blasted into the evening sky, scaring the sh*t out of every smoke-break casual bystander. Someone yelled “It’s not G-20 YET!”. People actually screamed in fright. That’s the reaction you receive, Miley.

This year’s guest list held an assortment of celebutantes, including Kristin Cavallari, Whitney Port, Miley’s on-screen Hannah Montana BFF Emily Osment, Gossip Girl’s adorable Jessica Szohr, performances by Katy, Biebs, Miley, Ke$ha, Drake, Stereos, DWW, Marianas Trench, Hedley, and my new obsession, Adam Lambert aka Glambert.

But let’s talk about the biggest stars in all of the land, ever, Jersey Shore’s Snooki and Pauly D. It’s as if they’ve floated in off another planet and have hypnotized the entire population with intoxicating hairspray and blinding skin tones. Snooki is 4 ft. tall (give or take,) and Pauly D’s hair is symmetrically sculpted with jizzy residue. When asked what he thinks of The Situation’s hot new rap single, he refused to comment on whether or not he likes it, instead reiterating that he’d spin it during a DJ set, that’s it. Personally, I want to petition for a Snooki/Situation collaboration. Snooki herself is far from looking real, by the way. She posed at the media wall and made her signature obnoxious “Heh?” snarly honking noise when asked for one more photo. Bitch vibes, is all I’m saying.

Fun fact: CTV news reported police finding a seemingly suspicious army vehicle parked in an alley downtown, and being overly-alert due to the upcoming G-20 Summit, they decided to investigate it. Turns out, it was only Perez Hilton’s bulletproof transportation. Security precautions he needs. Making the city rounds, Perez Hilton’s One Night in Toronto “private” MMVA afterparty looked more like a reincarnation of the Betsey Johnson 2010 fashion show. Ashley Tisdale was hustling out as we walked in, so that should have  been an indication to not venture in any further. Apparently, Hilton was handing out passes to the public crowd, and that entire gaggle decided to show up. Snooki and Pauly D were introduced on stage, and musical acts including Darelle London, Danny Masterson aka DJMOMJEANS, and Katy Perry’s DJ BFFs Mia Moretti and Caitlin Moe. According to Perez’s Twitter, Kid Sister and Katy Perry showed for a surprise musical appearance around 1AM. Long gone by then, the next scheduled stop was Ultra.

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Ultra’s rooftop patio was packed, with rumours of MMVA performers Adam Lambert and Ke$ha showing up wafting away into the starry night sky. Actually spotted: MuchMusic VJs Jesse, Liz, Devon, and Sarah, MTV’s Dan and Jessi, the cast of The Secret Life of the American Teenager, Bedouin Soundclash, and, of course, Degrassi’s Adamo Ruggiero and Lauren Collins. Drinks were flowing on the steamy summer’s eve, and this bold dude’s classy after hours suggestion seemed like an appealing way to end a long 2-days-in-heels weekend. Pool party idea shut down, we headed to the Horseshoe for 4AM last call and final farewells.

90210’s Shenae Grimes and I backstage.

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Thanks for another funtabulous time, MuchMusic! See you in 2011.

(Stage shots via MuchMusic.com)

Best. Story. Ever. Jodie Foster has been accused of assaulting a 17 year old boy at The Grove. Apparently, some kid accosted her as she was leaving the theatre with her kids, trying to get a photo and autograph, and dun dun dun…..that’s when Foster struck. According to the teenager’s father, “She came after him, poked him in the chest and said, ‘Do you even have a mother you slime ball?’” Totally visualizing this alleged scenario. Jodie Foster’s victim’s parental unit claims his kid was a huge fan. I’m calling bullshit. A teenage boy is a Jodie Foster fan? I was a Jodie Foster fan as a 7 year old girl idolizing her bell-bottom wearing 70’s on-screen rebellion.

A police report was filed with Jodie’s first name spelled incorrectly, information that would have been supplied by said “victim”. Way to be a fan. She fired back saying the punk was a paparazzi, with the kid’s father calling it a ridiculous statement, that he just has a “nice camera”. Seeing as this traumatic Academy Award-winning assault occurred in the parking lot of a public place, one would think a simple conclusion to this misdemeanor would be watching the security video, right? Well, the particular incident’s monitoring tape has mysteriously disappeared. And so the plot thickens! I will be following this story as the poking accusation develops.

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The Lindsay Lohan saga continues. I could care less, but my easily unimpressed monotone inner voice is being trampled by the amazingly frivolous antics of LL, so much so that the need for over-sharing becomes quite necessary, causing an equally ironic tiresome essay about the daily struggles of Lindsay Lohan. So, in the past week, Lindsay has set off her alcohol-monitoring SCRAM bracelet (which she contemplated decorating with Chanel something or other, and yes, that is forbidden), denied violating the SCRAM rules, partied at celebrity crack den Chateau Marmont as per usual, got another bench warrant for said violation, dropped 10K for the slip-up even though it was someone else’s drink that trickled down her spray-tanned leg, and finally, was dropped by her assistant. What a dizzying monsoon of erratic unimportance. It’s a hard-knock life, Gingy.

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In other superfluous Lohan news…

I hope you’ve booked your seat on the Hampton Jitney because a new club is about to open up. Brought to you by father-of-the-year Michael Lohan, the new ho-down hotspot is to be called Controversy. Moment of eye-rolling for that gem, please. The Lohans are quite the entrepreneurial fame-whoring Brady Bunch, with ML wanting his son to help manage the joint. I do not wish to acknowledge the existence of this hole any further.

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Sarah Palin has been hit with the boob job accusation. Her denial: “’No, I have not had implants. A report like that is about as real and truthful as reports that [my husband] Todd and I are divorcing or that I bought a place in the Hamptons or that [my son] Trigg is not my own child,” the former governor of Alaska, 46, told the host after being questioned point-blank.” To me, that all seems plausible. Especially the Hamptons hang out. In close proximity to Controversy, no doubt. But fake tits might distract during hunting season, so I’m going to go with obvious lame rumour on this one. Albeit a hilariously amazing one.

Above, the white crew neck that began the distorted right-wing hullabaloo.

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Lady Gaga’s newest musical short film for single Alejandro just premiered. It is basically Lady Gaga as some robotic world leader-ice queen goddess with unlimited access to peroxide, being stifled in a Siberian nunnery and corrupting its overly sexually expressive in-patients. Anyway, it’s loaded with bowl cuts. Martina Dragonette totally did that ‘do first. This pertains to you too, Rihanna.

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Justin Bieber. Frolicking in the Bahamas during a photoshoot with Kim Kardashian. One must be careful if planning to spend time with Justin. A while back, Biebs jokingly Twittered that Kim was his girlfriend and she was immediately inundated with @’d death threats from insane Bieb-a-holics. This 16 year old is such a little player. He hits on any and all female interviewers. Keep holding on, tween dreamers. Everyone loves a restraining order.

Portia and Ellen 2.0

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A rough situation with a rap demo. That is all.

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Check out Miley Sluts-R-US making me proud, performing at London’s club GAY.

Kidding. I’m sure she’s still wholesome. But Perez Hilton is in trouble for posting a full-on crotch shot of Miley Cyrus, blasting the link on his Twitter. It has since been removed, but the photo showed Miley in a car with her vagina hanging out. This is being considered child porn distribution, as Miley is only 17. Fake or not, I’m hoping for serious legal backlash concerning Perez aka Mario Lavandeira. As much as respect as can be given for creating an empire out of nothing, PH uses his mediocre influence to exploit and bully. Bottom line, he is a douche bag. That’s it.

Regardless, both Perez and our princess of conservativeness will be attenting this Sunday’s MuchMusic Video Awards, and yours truly will be backstage observing the hectic shuffles and frantic flusters of stressed publicists, getting stuck in a high-traffic hallway between a wall and Kim Kardashian’s ass (true story). She won’t be present, but I can’t f*cking wait to get style tips from Snooki. Debauchery tends to develop up in Toronto, so stay tuned. Remember 2009?

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I will be out and about all weekend, prowling for scandal and pussy punches outside of after-parties. Of which, there are many, when every mediocre celebretard and their illegitimate career takes on vodka-induced hosting duties. Follow @pinkmafia4life for real-time updates from the streets of shame. Unless I involuntarily die of Bieber Fever. It’s possible.

Sunday night were the something-annual MTV Movie Awards; infamous for the scandalous antics which occur during the live broadcast. Host Aziz Ansari did a decent job wrangling the shrieking fankids’ attention spans into focus while the golden popcorn statuettes were handed out. Although this year proved rather tame, the censorship department were most likely suffering a stroke every time someone deposited change into the swear jar, failing to bleep more than a few f*cking f*cks — this witnessed by nearly one million Canadian viewers, the show’s largest audience ever.

The evening began with an hour Jersey Shore pre-show, with LMFAO “Djing” the red carpet party, amidst arrival interviews and outfit inspections. We learned that JS’s J-WOWW is launching a glamourous clothing line called Filthy Couture, and that Snooki skanked up her Dolce & Gabbana dress by cutting off the entire bottom half. This seems sacrilegious on very many levels.

I want to know if this whole Jersey Shore culture has been embraced or if the entire world still laughing at these jokes behind their tanned backs? Are they completely oblivious to this mockery? Because I don’t imagine anyone worshiping the ground Snooki passes out on. Unless, of course, said worshiper has extremely low self esteem and hair spray-clouded judgment. It’s kind of like a Paris Hilton thing, but I’ve come to embrace Paris as a functioning member of life via her non-fluorescent skin tone and decent fashion sense.

I’m so over laughing at theses tools’ ridiculousness because the attention they garner goes straight to their heads (not minds). Especially over this shirtless situation. Not that I was ever under it.

This just in! I take back what I said up there about being over Whoresey Shore, as I just caught a shot of Mike “The Situation’s” blue velour Ed Hardy logo track pants hanging out the side of an Escalade. This courtesy of a sneak-peek we got of season 2 of our beloved reality program. The first 10 minutes of season deux premiered Sunday night during the live MTV red carpet broadcast with the cast in tow. This time around, the heard is road tripping down to Miami and causing destruction along the way. I’ve always thought that Vinny seems like the only potentially respectable suitor in the bunch. Also, Angelina is back, so really excited for some ball-busting. Other tidbits to look forward to: Pauly D thinks all Miami beaches are topless, Snooki has a life-changing experience discovering fried pickles in Hickville, and The Situation still looks 40.

The awards “ceremony” started off with your average annual film nominee scene parodies, featuring Aziz Ansari. He opened the show with a short and sweet stand up speech, questioning the legitimacy of 3D films, and, of course, Twilight.

The first award went to Kristen Stewart — whom I actually do not mind. Those who ponder how she survives the actressing industry being so “awkward”, wondering if she has some sort of chemical imbalance causing frequent trip ups, always fumbling and mumbling, need to know that not everyone injects themselves with bubblegum and fake cheer. However, I do despise the entire Twilight phenomenon (but so does K-Stew). Allegedly. I say allegedly because it’s probably wishful thinking. Kristen and “hunkorwhatever” Robert Pattinson also won for Best Kiss. Here they are, attempting to reenact said “best kiss”.

Check out Russell Brand and Jonah Hill on the audience Kiss Cam. There was a similar occurrence at a Lakers-Celtics game recently, when two of my favorite men (Jason Bateman and Dustin Hoffman) decided to mack up on one another.

Here’s the dude from The Hangover performing an interpretive dance with Ed Helms on piano, straight from the movie. Ken Jeong picked up an awards for Best WTF Moment. Deserved.

Tom Cruise caused quite a stir with his ingenious Tropic Thunder character reenactment of ferocious producer Less Grossman. Tom invaded the stage as fictional Less, breaking it down with Jennifer Lopez to Ludacris‘ Get Back. There were suspenders and gyrations. Ying Yang Twins Larry King vs. Lady Gaga would be proud.

Best Scared-As Sh*t Performance award went to Amanda Seyfried for Jennifer’s Body – another under appreciated something I like, contrary to the judgements of society. I actually enjoyed this curious gem of a film. It’s not that it’s misunderstood, but probably just generally bad. It was full of metaphors for the plagues of girlhood and lame computer-generated gore, and I enjoyed it to its fullest potential. So, congrats, Amanda. (Who noted the film’s low viewership during the acceptance speech.)

Katy Perry performed her new single California Gurls with Snoop Doggy-Dogg. She was channeling 50s California beach chic with a hint of jewel-studded superhero robot, descending from the rafters atop a vintage surf board. We got a preview of Katy’s new video which is full of visual deliciousness, slightly resembling 2006’s sweets-themed Fergalicious. Just saying.

To a storm of applause, Sandra Bullock was honoured with the MTV Generation Award. Betty White, Bradley Cooper, and Scarlett Johansson proudly presented her with the award. And it wouldn’t be MTV without some girl-on-girl; Sandra kissed Scarlett in honour of her Best Kiss nomination with Scarlett’s absent husband Ryan Reynolds. Via her speech, Sandra has officially given us permission to resume making fun of her – not that there is much to roast her with. Sandra is a true example of elegance and class in Hollywood, and deserves all the praise and appreciation she already receives.

Christina Aguilera was the second musical performance. Stop comparing new Xtina to Lady f*cking Gaga. Why don’t you just skip a generation and call her Madonna, while analyzing Gag-factor along the way? It would make just as much sense.

This is Aziz accepting Zach Galifianakis’s Best Comedic Performance award as fictional Taavan – stylist to the stars.

World-wide sensation Twilight picked up for best movie, of course. Fangirls and vampires and werewolves, oh my!

Full list of 2010 MTV Movie Awards winners:

Best Fight: Beyonce Knowles vs. Ali Larter (Obsessed)
Best Female Performance: Kristen Stewart (The Twilight Saga: New Moon)
Best Breakout Star: Anna Kendrick (Up in the Air)
Best Scared-AS-Sh*t Performance: Amanda Seyfried (Jennifer’s Body)
Best Kiss: Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson (The Twilight Saga: New Moon)
MTV Generation Aaward: Sandra Bullock
Best WTF Moment: Ken Jeong (The Hangover)
Best Villain: Tom Felton (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince)
Best Badass Star: Rain
Best Male Performance: Robert Pattinson (The Twilight Saga: New Moon)
Global Superstar: Robert Pattinson
Best Comedic Performance: Zach Galifianakis (The Hangover)
Best Movie: The Twilight Saga: New Moon

(Images via MTV.com)

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And now, in Canadaland news, A MuchMusic Video Awards update: Drake and Hedley have been added to the list of performers, which already includes Katy Perry, Bieber, Ke$ha, Glambert, Down With Webster, Marianas Trench, and 2010 co-host Miley Cyrus. Something for fangirls of every demographic.

Pop culture column, DECLASSE, appears every Tuesday on Knee Socks Beat Cleavage

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As if destroying the seemingly ideal world of Sandra Bullock and Jesse James was not enough activity, Michelle “C*untbag” McGee has been parading her stripper-body around the media, whoring herself out in a new Ashley Madison TV spot — a website that caters exclusively to those seeking extra-marital affairs. Stopping by Toronto’s eTalk, McGee attempted to defend her ways by throwing her two kids into the mix, saying “I will do what it takes to support my children.” So basically, she means that as long as there is filthy money to sustain a life of screwing with others’, raising your children into corruption is totally acceptable. Her justification of the recent cheating scandal is as such:  ”In a twisted type of way, I guess Sandra should be thankful that I did come forward and let her know that her husband did cheat on her.” And just because she’s not “twisted” enough, dissection of her Nazi costume party reveals true ignorance and stupidity. “No not racism. Anti-Semitism? Yes. If that was the intention of putting the costume on.”

It must be difficult to be a normally functioning member of society after your head has been repeatedly prodded with tattoo needles and skewed ideology. I feel bad for her, in a twisted type of way. You can witness Part 2 of this interview tonight @ 7PM on CTV or stream it in full online at CTV.ca.

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In other WTF news, let’s discuss the idea of all sassy Hollywood mistresses hanging around one another. What would saunter through your mind if you saw Michelle “Bombshell” McGee rolling with the double-trouble Rachel Uchitel? They’re not actually part of this particular twat-pack, but really, other other women? Alleged sluts Joslyn James (Tiger Woods), Melissa Smith (Jesse James), January Gessert (Reggie Bush), and Gina Rodriguez (David Boreanez) were caught on a shamelessness-affirming girls night out, sharing with TMZ their catch phrase of “Pull out or I’m keeping it!”. That just about says it all, except: Did these women form some sort of distorted alliance to prowl on the espoused? Sorority house sleepover bonding over scandalous sexts and lessons on how to cry “used” while promoting a Playboy spread between tears of vanity and boom-I-got-your-boyfriend cackles? Also, these winners seem to have some sort of affiliation with Michael Lohan, so that really solidifies their overall significance. Don’t forget that Michael Lohan is dating a twink who happens to associate with Jon Gosselin’s special someone. Allegedly (via my own investigations). Keep it in the family, people. The reality show business (sans reality) is always preying on “fresh” meat. Yawn.

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Lindsay Lohan’s most recent cinematic endeavour has been self-sabotaged due to her erratic carelessness. Lindsay was all set to play dress up and emulate 70’s porn star Linda Lovelace, but due to complications concerning skipped alcohol education classes and late court appearances, production of this potential Oscar contender has to be postponed. Lindsay can’t leave the Los Angeles area due to an alcohol monitoring bracelet and weekly drug testing. The Texas-shot biopic titled Inferno depicts the life of porn star Linda Lovelace, famous for her skilled participation in 1972’s Deep Throat. How about the film studio just assemble a montage of paparazzi-shot clips of LL out and about on any given Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday? Should be enough for a feature and spattering of scandalousness.

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Heidi Montag wants to reprise Megan Fox’s role in Transformers, after Foxy was dropped/signed off/assorted other rumours. I guess Heidi would fit right in with the robots and their bionic guns, or whatever. Check out her self-made audition tape. Girl’s got ambition, but this isn’t MTV. Side note: Heidi and Spencer Pratt are no more. What’s Harry Henderson going to do now that Heidi is heading toward major movie stardom without him? There’s some profiteering to be done!

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Another questionable couple update; Marilyn Manson and Evan Rachael Wood are still/again dating. Hot Topic sales continue to rise. (Image via Dlisted)

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Onto Justin Bieber aka hit-me-on-my Bieber,  The Beav, lesbian, etc. JB has reportedly caught diva fever after snapping at a crew guy, spewing “Don’t ever f*cking touch me again”. I’m sure it was a shriek like that of a dried-up suburban housewife, dismissing the once-a-week propositions from her desperate husband. Bieber has obviously denied this (via Twitter), but he has a tendency of walking into glass doors, so.

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Speaking of haggard, I leave you now with this important life lesson brought to you by The Real Housewives of New York’s Countess LuAnn. “You don’t have to be rich or famous to be unforgettable, HAW HAW!” Is there a reason as to why the male extras in this Venus commercial-esque video exude more femininity than Cougar LuAnn? Soak up the glamour. CLICK HERE TO WATCH.

Pop culture column, DECLASSE, appears every Tuesday on Knee Socks Beat Cleavage

Hailing from NYC, Gina Turner rocks parties coast to coast and across the globe. She’s gained recognition from heavy-hitting producers for her signature house sounds and continues to pump out original tunes. Check out what Gina has to say about being a girl in the industry, upcoming collaborations, and advice for aspiring DJs.

How do crowds differ between coasts? Do you prefer one over the other?

LA is open to a lot of different genres of music. I can’t choose a favourite, but New York is my hometown and LA has beautiful weather! The crowds definitely differ, but I would say in New York I tend to play a lot more old school house stuff, and in LA, harder stuff.

So you tend to gear different styles of music toward specific parties?

I like to stick to my guns, but for the most part, I don’t think a DJ is a real DJ unless they’re able to read a crowd. I show up to a party and see what kind of crowd it is; I wouldn’t be a DJ if I just played something totally unrelated. I always try, no matter what, to educate my audience and elevate my audience through that way. But at the end of the day, you want to make people dance, that’s what we do.

What tracks are big on the scene right now?

Well, I am really excited about my side project with Laidback Luke called Nouveau Yorican. I’m just so blessed and excited to see the crowd reactions to those tracks that we’re making together. Also, I’m really excited about what an artist called Julio Bashmore is doing, and another artist, Solo. I’m just really excited about their sound, very exciting and fresh. The Dutch sound is huge right now, as well; it’s going over really well on the dance floor.

Do you find that being a female DJ works in your favour? Do you feel a lot of competition from guys?

It works in my favour and it works against me. The way it works in my favour is people, guys especially, will think that I don’t know what I’m doing, and then when I kill it (I don’t want to sound totally full of myself), but when I have a good set, people will be like “Woah!” and even more surprised. And that’s what drives me nuts, because you get a lot of “Oh my gosh, you’re such a good DJ for a girl!” I don’t look at it as me being a girl.

I feel like still there’s a lot of stigma against female DJs, for real, and females in any industry, for this matter, which is really sad. That just makes me want to work even harder. In that way, it totally works in my favour because it adds more fire and more drive; it gives me even more passion than I already have.

Do you have any favourite DJs from who you draw inspiration?

Oh, absolutely! I love love love love love Derrick Carter, he’s like my favourite DJ to watch. He just plays classic jacking house sounds, but yet not fully hard. Of course, people like John Tejada, I like his subtleness. Also, the people around me inspire me so much, like my close friends. I get so inspired by even my DJ partner Louisa and my production partner Laidback Luke. Everything inspires me, and I don’t mean to sound totally cliche, but probably my top three would be Derrick Carter, John Tejada, and Trentemoller. And, of course, classic sounds like Larry Heard.

Armand Van Helden is a huge inspiration. He’s a very close friend of mine, as well and sometimes I’m like, “Yo, do you realize you’re one of the reasons I’m doing what I’m doing? Your tracks just meant so much to me growing up in New York!”.

Do you have any advice for up-and-coming DJs, or specifically girls who are trying to make it?

I would say stick to your guns, figure out what music you like to hear. My goal is always to make the crowd feel as happy as I do when I hear the track. I don’t play things that I don’t stand behind. I go for longevity of records.

And try not to sell out with all this “sexy celebrity DJ” bullshit. It’s so silly. I mean, I show up to gigs in my Doc Martens, stretch pants, and a hoodie, and I’m like “Yo, what’s up, I’m here to play music”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a girl, I’m not saying be a tomboy, but at the end of the day it’s about the music. Stick to your guns and stay true to yourself. That’s my advice to anyone that’s starting in this industry.

Do you have any new projects coming up?

We have a record coming out with Laidback Luke, and I have a record coming out on MixMash — it’s called Jackit. It’s really going to be just a fun track.

Also, I just produced a song for Maluca’s new mixtape; Luke and I are also collaborating with her, and I’m collaborating with Junior Sanchez.

Just be on the lookout! I have a lot of stuff coming up in 2010. There’s a lot of stuff going on for me, so stay tuned!

On the menu were: Drop The LIme (whom we 20 Questioned on the day of), label mate AC Slater, and Canadians Jokers of the Scene and Nacho Lovers (also 20 Questioned). 3 bloggers reviewed and Al D took some snaps. Read below for what’s what.

AMANDA SCRIVER

The SCION party at Mod Club was the party everyone was talking bout.  Everywhere from Twitter to FB to BBM was a flutter about NYC’s own Drop the Lime, AC Slater, Jokers of the Scene and Nacho Lovers taking the stage on this bass heavy lineup. The promotion said, “Arrive early, your RSVP does not guarantee entry.” and goddamn - were they right.  I never thought in a million years would lazy

hipsters get off their asses before 10PM.  But sure enough, as I pulled up to the doors, there was a lineup.  And people scheming and skeezing to get in. Solid.  Toronto does have a pulse, even on a Thursday.

Nacho Lovers are hometown heroes and have been absent from the scene for awhile as they tour the world being fucking superstar DJs.  It’s nice to see the boys getting some recognition for their production

skills but most notably, their style of house music.  Nacho Lovers set took on a disco-house / tribal-house aura and generally was refreshing than the generic electro and dubstep heavy sets of late. What really

got me though, was the abundance of glow-sticking going on.  I felt as if I had been transported in time to a warehouse rave circa 1996.

With the audience lubed up and ready, AC Slater took to the stage and was ready to do them proper, with bass-lines so heavy – it would make your mind explode.  By this point, the crowd was already good & rowdy.

AC’s regular cheering section was right in the middle of the crowd screaming out, “AC! AC! AC!” and trying to start a moshpit at one point.  It’s amazing what a few bass-lines (and alcohol) can do to some people.  But hey, it seems like this man has a definite following.  And one that is loyal.  I know I lost my mind at one point when I heard a track which I’ll call, “Time After Time” off the Ninjasonik – Strictly for my Hipstaz mixtape.  It was a remix of that track, but I went right the f off.  And from here, I went into my Brooklyn Bounce & was ready for some more.

The crowd was restless and ready for Drop the Lime.  This man is just incredible.  His rockabilly greaser look mixed with his bass heavy ability.  Man, enough to make any girl swoon, right?  But the fact that he can sing added to the mix?  Ooh laa laa.  Just when he popped his set off right with some righteous 1998 booty house (with a little Major Lazer thrown in for good measure) and got girls all on the dancefloor throwing down their best dancehall butt shake, DTL busts out his singing skills (on his original track, Devils Eyes) and erupts some of the most righteous chanting from the crowd & crowd surfing.

Toronto peeps know how to party proper for a Thursday. But just when I thought that this set couldn’t get any better — he throws on some 1950s swing and blues with images of Bettie Page all up on the screen.

Mindsplode.

If you missed this night, you missed a good night of partying.  I know when I left, I picked up some wicked swag.  A wicked hangover.  And wicked bruises from getting caught up in a moshpit.  Good night?  You

better believe. I didn’t end up at work the morning.

KAY VANDERTRAMP

Avec a beach bonanza on the patio and a decibel charging masquerade on the floor, the trendy people at Scion Automotives built a custom fit party Thursday night at Mod Club.  To kick off the2010 Toronto International Auto Show, the North American branch of Toyota Motors rolled into town with Drop The Lime (NYC) and popped a rush party for city car lushes and spinning electro fanatics alike.

Sets by Fool’s Gold dappers, Nacho Lovers (TO) and Jokers of Scene (CapCity) wet the whistles of chivalrous company and AC Slater wrestled two step for all the leather juice pumped grinders in attendance. As the Diabolical Pink crept up in an eight cylinder convoy, Dubstep fresh from the port of Elegance was fully loaded in the trunk.

Hand in hand, the swagger of Generation Y drivers and the jaunt of fashionable sound ignited affiliate industries. Fueling an association between Automotives and the Arts, Guests were showered with Scion gear. The event exhausted a sense of youth and fashion in an industry historically dominated by brilliant Asian men, efficient Europeans and our fable Republican neighbours.

Between the noise and props, additions to the scene should ONLY have included: A trip to Sizzler in a Drop Top Pink Scion Limited Addition Series (loaded into VIP) with Johnny Knoxville or Paul Barman, fire dancers and a little more lime.

MELANIA FEDYNA

Scion-sponsored Thursday night at Mod Club was packed with a melange of scene kids, rave kids, new ravers time machine’d in from the summer of 2006, club regulars, industry insiders, old friends, new friends, and general party-cravers. The placed was jammed just before midnight, steady streams of people filing in. Featuring Drop The Lime, AC Slater, JOTS, and Nacho Lovers, the vibe was chill in a dub step-heavy environment that seemed to appeal to all. Glow sticks included. And hair bows, sequins, and corduroy pants.

On the way out, attendees were treated to Scion-tagged gift bags holding a beanie hat and headphones. This, on top of the goodies handed out inside, garnered me quite the collection of cool garb plus a sweet sampler cd (for solo after partying, of course).

(Editor’s note: Our photographer smoked your photographer’s ass. Rest of the set is on the Pink Mafia Facebook Group)

]]> http://pinkmafia.ca/blog/2010/02/13/scion-mod-club-drop-the-lime-ac-slater-jokers-of-the-scene-nacho-lovers/feed/ 3 http://pinkmafia.ca/blog/2010/01/18/keshas-party/ http://pinkmafia.ca/blog/2010/01/18/keshas-party/#comments Mon, 18 Jan 2010 14:00:41 +0000 Kay http://pinkmafia.ca/blog/?p=6484

Ke$ha (pronounced  ke-sha) is one odd duck. She’s been a stalker. She’s broken into Prince’s house and she digs dudes with mullets. It’s balls out with this girl and her character is noted and sparkles and rules, but her audience is not hearing anything they’ve never heard before.

On Sunday night, Ke$ha made her Canadian debut at the Mod Club to gaggles of girls and industry insiders. There was drum-banging, bouncing and thrashing, all under the influence of a shiny substance called glitter. The set was about 30 minutes and ended with chart-topping single Tik Tok plus bursts of confetti. This winner/invite-only private show was made interactive with a Ke$ha-esque make-up station and a small meet-n-greet post show, with Princess Sparkle herself.

Minus the fact that Toronto girls already rock the fingerless leather glove, Ke$ha’s visuals were impressive. With a Mega Ultra Glitter Gong and a side-ponied Keytar player named Laserslut she kicked ass. The under-ragers love the shit out of her.

Face-paint/glitter station participant

From the outside though, her appeal is pretty disgusting. Mothers around the world are running for their lives. Yes, like Jewel she lived in a car and that is absolutely admirable, but unlike Jewel, Ke$ha is a potpourri of the last four years of Pop Music. Lily. Amy. Uffie. M.I.A. Britney for heaven’s sake.  And let NO ONE compare her to Gwen Stefani. She is GaGa part Two.  RIP Tupac.

Today, apparently, role models are encouraged to say “fuck” in front of five-year-olds and being drunk is acceptable all the time, even before breakfast.  But pair the bitch with Blockhead and her vinyl records would surely sit over North Shore mantles.

Ke$ha & Melania

By Kay Vandertramp and Melania Fedyna

The crowd was assorted in attendees, pretty young things and party people, all equally excited and energetic as they eagerly awaited the performance.

Singer Isis stepped out donning the marvelous Greta Constantine seat belt-esque corset top and shiny skinnies, aura ablaze with fabulousness. Her casual banter immediately connected the audience and developed a presence of knowingness and cool familiarity. Smooth vox and MC skills brought TH’s debut album to live life, causing a sweaty stir. The venue’s intense bass has a tendency of overpowering words, but that doesn’t put a halt on enthusiasm of artist or observer.

Everybody was dancing and singing along to smash-tacular tracks LBG (Little Booty Girl), Suenos Dulces, and Jerk It, even if lyric knowledge was not imminent. There was readiness to shake and scream and thrive forever.

Daring to be groped, Isis threw herself into the audience submissively, crowd surfing on more than one occasion.

Isis’ parents were in attendance, this being their very first time seeing her perform; Commence shout-outs and waves from the audience to proud family members.

Last night’s show also marked the final Thunderheist appearance for a while to come, so if you skipped out, you’re best off picking up their album and hosting a massive glamourous dance party.

Words by Melania Fedyna
Photos by Natalie Lisa Johnson

Peaches‘ reign over Toronto is imminent. Six months after fluttering in on a gust of golden amazing-ness, Peaches was back Wednesday night at The Phoenix to charm the overzealous and starry-eyed audience.

Opening this worldwide tour is Amanda Blank, a feisty firecracker from Philly with panache to spare. The show began with a rad 15 minute dj set, then Amanda bounced onto stage clad in a very Peaches-esque cape-ensemble. “It just got real hip-hop up in here!” Word.

In between speaker-gyrations and swooning over Peaches, Amanda Blank pranced around in a bathing suit, most likely seducing a good portion of the crowd via “Might Like You Better If We Slept Together”. Nicole Scherzinger would be envious.

And now we present you with Peaches; a sparkly shock of in-your-face obnoxiousness, minus the pretentiousness. Calling Peaches “bold” would be an understatement worthy of criminal charges and kinky handcuffing, seeing as she’s so far beyond any visible line that it’s come full-circle and embedded magnificence into the public’s subconscious.

The set was approximately an hour and a half from start to finish, and included most of Peaches’ new album, I Feel Cream, plus old school favourites a la Fuck The Pain Away, Boys Wanna Be Her, Shake Yer Dix, and I U She. Amanda Blank joined Peaches on stage for a sing-a-long, as well as an army of suspender-clad men.

Rowdiness is a requirement at most shows, but drunk and disorderly should be illegal. Another something you can expect if lodged somewhere middle-front is Peaches showering you with champagne, adding fake blood-spit to the mix, and potentially a chance-at-grope as Peaches crowd surfs and stands on your face. Does this make us eligible for into-S&M status?

During the encore, Peaches brought her parents out onto stage, wearing plastic tits while accepting a hug and kiss from her father.

What else is in the teaches of Peaches?

Words by Melania Fedyna
Photos by Al D

It is almost unbelievable that 2009 marks Kylie Minogue’s first time performing in Canada. Ever. The ACC was packed with gay boys, old school Kylie fans with their children, retired ravers, and an assortment of glittered-out characters, some who have been waiting 20 years for this concert opportunity. And for good reason.

Opening with a major laser light show, Kylie descended from the heavens a top a stunning, sparkling disco spectacle of a skull, draped in a confection of coral feathers and jeweled excellence.

A truly theatrical performance all around, there was a cabaret rendition of Locomotion and amazing stage set ups, including a golden, royal velvet couch fit for the Queen of Everything.

Nothing less than pure elegance, a fur coat was brought out graciously along with a refreshment on a silver platter.

Amidst a vast spectacle of lights, one of the many background video scenes featured boys in various stages of undress, obviously geared toward the demographic of attendees. Choreographed and eccentric, the dancers helped bring these fantasies to life on stage. Incorporating the band and back-up singers into the main performance, as well as communicating with the audience gave the stadium show a feeling of familiarity and personableness.

Exuding no aura of pretentiousness whatsoever, Kylie is an example of sheer decadence and grace without an assuming factor.

Kylie Minogue makes Lady Gaga look like a 5-year-old playing dress up in her mother’s too-big -to-fit Louboutins.

Words and Photos by Melania Fedyna

1. What is your dream of happiness?
Not sure. Most days feel like happiness, though.

2. Blonde or Brunette?
Does it have to be either/or?

3. What is the quality you like most in a man?
A sense of humour about himself. Same goes for women.

4. What do you fear most?
Outliving my loved ones.

5. 808s or 909s?
808s.

6. What’s your biggest regret?
I can’t tell you.

7. What’s your fave bar or club in the world?
Razzmatazz Barcelona for the all-nighter; The Cow in London for drinking and making new best friends.

8. What’s the one thing you can’t live without?
My wife.

9. Who are three musicians dead or alive you’d like to see perform?
Prince (again); the Police in 1983; Jacko in 1984.

10. What is your favorite decade in music?
I’ll take the early 70s into the early 80s, if possible.

11. If you had to choose, would you rather go blind of deaf and why?
Blind. I like hearing more than seeing.

12. How old is too old?
I’m not old enough to answer that question.

13. Where do you see yourself in 15 years?
Somewhere that’s warm for a great part of the year.

14. Who’s your hero?
I have a few. Most are clichés. #1 is my mum.

15. What’s your favourite colour?
Different colours for different things.

16. What song could you live without ever hearing again?
Man, there’s a long list.

17. Metallica or Madonna?
Madonna.

18. What’s your most hated vice?
It’s only a vice if you do it too often. Luckily I have none of those.

19. Who is the most tragic figure in history?
Man, there’s an even longer list. How could anyone sift through all of history’s tragedies and pick “the most tragic”?

20. What are the top three live shows you’ve seen in your life?
Paul McCartney, Camden, 2007.
Prince, Montreal, 1990?
2ManyDJs, Sydney, 2008

P.S. Dragonette are currently on tour across North America and will be messing up Toronto’s Mod Club on October 8th. Attendance is highly recommended. For full tour dates, check their MySpace. Woot, woot!

Two years after the release of their debut album Galore, Dragonette are back with a brand new collection of scrumptious sounds in Fixin To Thrill.

Amid the massive influx of artists emerging from the UK within the past few years, Dragonette graced us in early 2007. Slightly ahead of an unspecific genre, their fanbase has steadily grown on both sides of the pond. The Toronto via London-based 4-piece band led by Martina Sorbara and Dan Kurtz is a symphony of electro-pop with a sexy rock edge.

Being Dragonette’s sophomore album, they have developed a slightly more mature look and feel since the first. No longer freshmen striving for recognition and approval; it’s been granted.

Martina’s alluring cool and calm vocals are melodically melow and daydream-inducing. A blend of synths, drums and varying guitar gives the album a thoroughly seasoned sound.

Opening track and first single Fixin To Thrill is hard-hitting and rebellious, while Big Sunglasses is most reminiscent of a Galore-days tune. Harboring a secret penchant for country music? Gone Too Far will do you right. Fellow Canadian Sara Quin of Tegan & Sara drops backing vox on a tune that could very well be one of her own, blending nicely with Martina’s tone.

Known for metaphorical and furiously fun lyrics, Fixin To Thrill is full of signature quirkiness and imagery. Marrying a mixture of ‘all of the above’ instruments, the 12 song tracklisting is eclectic and broad. Each song is written by Martina and Dan, slyly encapsulating their personalities.

Grab “Fixin To Thrill” September 29th and peep the brand new video for “Pick Up The Phone” here.

“We’ve only just started having fun…”

Dragonette Contest Winner!

We ran a Dragonette contest and we’re happy to announce Miranda Idris (@bebhinnz) as our winner! Congrats!

Perez Hilton: Blogger. Media whore. Concert tour sponsor? Among various other unexplainable achievements, Perez Hilton managed to wrangled up some of the best underrated acts of today and bring them to 17 cities across North America, Toronto being the only Canadian stop.

Thursday night at The Opera House proved to be more of a mini-music festival rather than your average evening concert experience. Three acts were scheduled to appear, but in turn, we got to check out four. Songstress Ida Maria was advertised as the headliner, but turned out to be MIA. Semi Precious Weapons and Ladyhawke remained on the bill, along with two local acts.

The first to hit the stage was Anjulie, an up-and-coming Toronto artist with great stage presence and a melodic 60s vibe. She was sweet and full of bubbly banter, interacting with the audience between songs.

Secondly was Woodhands, another Toronto-based band of two guys and their instruments. Their sound is beat-heavy, with lots of drums and guitar, descriptive of indie rock plus electronic.

Up next was New York City’s glam-rock band Semi Precious Weapons; an explosion of unexpected energy and pretentious animation, featuring a gold chain-link mini dress and what can only constitute as audience sexual harassment. In between an on-stage wardrobe change into Marilyn Monroe leggings and requests for exposed tits, lead singer Justin jumped onto the floor, creating an invitational path of destruction and mass hysteria as he made his way through the willing crowd. After dry-raping a few ladies against the speakers and collapsing onto the floor, he hijacked an SLR and snapped away his shame.

The closing act, New Zealand’s 80s synth-influenced Ladyhawke, ended the night on a sweetly simple note. Stepping out in a Nirvana tee and signature androgynous look, she rocked out on guitar from start to finish, singing her heart out, heavily accompanied by everyone in attendance. Complete hit My Delirium was the perfect end to a talent-filled night.

All bow down to Little Boots. She may be small, but this delightfully colourful concoction of electro-pop and cuteness knows how to hold down a room. Or hype it.

Toronto’s Wrongbar was packed to the max for a Monday at midnight. Anticipation was heavy, adding to the already lingering humidity late into the evening.

Armed with a live band and sparkly shoes, Little Boots stepped out in a metallic mini and neon pink nail polish, grabbing the mic and stomping on stage to a welcoming myriad of eager spectators. Her set was short and sweet, with a 2-track encore ending with Stuck On Repeat – an obvious crowd pleaser and sing-a-long tune. New In Town and Remedy were also standout.

The intimate space was stacked with sweaty boys in tight tees, one ambitiously pursuing a moment in the spotlight by hobbling onto the tiny platform-like stage. Over-enthusiastic music lovers are a common factor when you’re shiny and fabulous. Oh, and also have a killer voice.

Opening the show was Yes Giantess and dj Vaneska. Miss Boots could have definitely handled a larger venue, with loyal appreciators galore. If you did not have the chance to catch her this time around, get ready to fight a mob the next time she steps into town.

Little Boots…big things to come.

Arcade: ar-cade
Pronunciation: \är-kad\
Function: noun
1: An amusement center having coin-operated games.
2: Your new favourite Friday night party!

Brought to you by Embrace, The Mod Club’s new Friday evening plays host to an assortment of colourful, interactive activities, featuring your fave Djs and and a hoppin’ dance floor.

September 4th marked the official launch of Arcade Fridays, incapsulating new levels of epic. Main floor guest djs were Barletta, Nasty Nav, Milano, and Brandon Sek, while the upstairs loft hosted an intimate lounge with tunes by Vaneska and David Hall.

If you missed out last Friday, copy and paste these images into your memory and get pose on when LastNightsParty.com and Parallels take over College St, on Friday, September 11th.

We sorta skipped Saturday, Hot & Spicy fest had us filled with the itis. But by Sunday, it was Game On Again.

Barletta is our boy, and we’ve been shooting an amazing promo for his upcoming Whisper EP release by running around town getting into all kinds of trouble with Al D (our main man on the snaps)

Some morsels for ya:

Out takes from the video:

We know it looks bad, but it’s staged. Katchup and Sweetner. Still, so delicious

Anna Von’s new ride

It was Gillian’s Bday. We danced danced danced.

Hot off the tail of The Social, we hit Labor Of Love at the Guvernment just in time to catch Tiga’s jaw dropping set including our most delicious top fav, Fever Ray Triangle Walks (Tiga 1-2-3-4 Mix) was the real deal. None of these tried and true radio hit tricks. Actual talent. So rare. So delicious.

Photos courtesy of Al D!