Compiling this list of saddest movie moments led me to realize two things – 1) Disney is full of sadistic story writers who enjoy causing little kids to end up needing severe and aggressive therapy for the rest of their lives, and 2) movies with animals in them are sad. Always. Yes, there are tons of movies that are part of pop culture that are ardently depressing (Saving Private Ryan, Braveheart, etc), but there’s something about the following movies, which just so happen to be either kid’s movies, or animated, or both, that resonate with you throughout time and space. They haunt you for the rest of your life and you never quite recover from the deep and utter sadness that they dispatched upon your youth. And so I present you with the saddest movie moments of all time:

HONORABLE MENTION:

Travis shoots his dog, Yeller, out of mercy in Old Yeller.

Probably the old faithful “go to” for sad movie moments, this couldn’t be left off the list. I don’t know how many of you have seen Old Yeller because it IS pretty old, but it’s a really good movie, and horribly sad. The timing for this… err… untimely scene is so insanely perfect and dragged out that you can’t help but bawl.

5) Shadow tells Chance to go on without him in Homeward Bound

This was a monumental film moment in my childhood and I think most other people’s, as well.

Also, when Sassy almost dies.]

Being the cat lady I am, if she actually died after falling into the river, this would have probably been in the top spot on this list, but fortunately, since she survived long enough for them to make a sequel to this movie (yea, yea they did) this can just live as a really sad moment and one that still lingers in my subconscious when I’m near vast and expansive bodies of turbulent water.

4) Babe, in general

This whole movie is sad as fuck whether it be the death of Babe’s momma at the beginning of the movie to Ma’s death somewhere in the middle of the film to how cruelly Babe is treated by the other animal’s throughout the film. It’s so horribly depressing (almost as depressing as the fact that this movie has a sequel) and I still can’t eat pork because of this movie (also because of this video).

3) Disney, in general

Yes, Disney is a clusterfuck of sadness. They like to kill parents, pit best friends against eachother, and they’re just generally a pretty sadistic bunch of folks over there in California. Here are a bunch of different depressing clips from their repertoire of blinding sadness:

Bambi’s mom gets shot.

Little Foot’s mom dies. (I apologize for not being able to find a proper clip of the whole showdown with Sharptooth, but there are a bunch of mash-ups on YouTube with dumb songs playing in the background).

The Fox & the Hound

Mustafa dies in The Lion King

2) Montage at the beginning of Up

I think this clip is sadder for the grown ups who watched Up far more than it is for the kid’s who don’t know what it’s like to not achieve their dreams, yet. I don’t know if their are words than can properly convey how sad this is, and it’s even worse because it’s people, not anthropomorphic animals, in this clip, so we can all relate to what happens to them. Poor Carl.

1) Artax dies in The Neverending Story

And here it is. The saddest movie moment of all time. I don’t care what anyone says, this single movie moment destroyed me, emotionally, for life, and because EVERYONE has seen The Neverending Story, I can bet that I’m not the only one who feels that the government should provide me with free therapy for life thanks to this scene. I can’t even watch the YouTube clip without tearing up. Aw geeze.

Paul is a movie about two friends from England who journey to the United States to attend Comic Con, and to take a road trip throughout the country hitting up all of the UFO hot spots from the last 80 years. They inevitably run into Paul (voiced by Seth Rogen), an alien, who has escaped from a government holding facility. If they didn’t, then obviously the movie wouldn’t be called Paul, and it would have probably been way cooler.

The Good:

The movie wasn’t absolutely shit, and there were a few laughs, but mostly, I just didn’t feel it. I’m a huge fan of English comedy, Simon Pegg/Nick Frost AND Shaun of the Dead/Hot Fuzz, but there was a definite lack of Edgar Wright up in this bitch, and we here at Pink Mafia feel that he was the glue that held Pegg and Frost’s other work together.

The Bad:

Throughout the movie, but especially at the beginning in the Comic Con scenes and when Graeme and Clive are giddily discussing their road trip across America, I found them completely unbelievable in their roles. I’m not trying to take away from either of them as actors, because both are fantastic, but their style and comedic sense just didn’t fit these characters well at all. Perhaps if Edgar had been directing the film, things would have been different (sorry, Greg Mottola), but his absence made for a pretty shabby piece of film. It should also be said that, because Mottola directed such films Superbad and Adventureland (as well as a few episodes of Arrested Development, which we LOVE), he has a COMPLETELY different sense of “funny,” and by different, I mean American. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost need to stick to what they do best – awesome English satire. Oh, and they also need to get Kristen Wiig the HELL out of anything they do in the future because, frankly, that woman is annoying as hell.

Definitely worth seeing, but don’t expect another Shaun of the Dead or Hot Fuzz.

PAUL is out in theatres everywhere today, March 18th.

It’s that time of year again, when the world’s shining stars come out for their biggest chance to twinkle. Chyea right! This year commemorates the 83rd Academy Awards. Over the years some amazingly talented people, beautiful films and stupendously skilled filmmakers have won. Yes, the ceremony mainly concentrates on American filmmaking and pretty much strictly mainstream films, something I’m very against, but one cannot deny that a few good films are made in the United States every year and that some foreign films can slip by and take the top awards.

This year is no different with a few good movies, actors and directors having been nominated, and some not so good ones, too. The following are the nominees for the top categories (because I think that we’ll probably bore if we cover ALL of them) and who we think should win, who should have been nominated, and who shouldn’t have.

Best Director

Darren Aronofsky for Black Swan

David O. Russell for The Fighter

Tom Hooper for The King’s Speech

David Fincher for The Social Network

Joel and Ethan Coen for True Grit

I’m sorry, but did I miss something? Where the hell is Christopher Nolan on this list. The man directed one of the most mind blowing movies of the year (Inception) and he just got rejected for what? To make room for David Fincher? Urgh! The Social Network was THE most over-rated movie of the year and I’m just really tired of seeing him on every single list, and knowing he’s going to win just makes it that much worse. Out of the nominees (since my Noley-poo got discarded like a used tampon) we here believe that Tom Hooper should win for The King’s Speech, mostly because it was the best movie on the list.

Best Supporting Actor

Christian Bale for The Fighter

John Hawkes for Winter’s Bone

Jeremy Renner for The Town

Mark Ruffalo for The Kids Are All Right

Geoffrey Rush for The King’s Speech

Two words: Geoffrey Rush. John Hawkes was absolutely amazing as Teardrop in Winter’s Bone, but Geoffrey, who is always nothing less than perfection, is definitely deserving of this award. It therefore amazes me that he’s barely won anything for his portrayal of Lionel Logue, the speech therapist who treated King George VI’s stutter. Christian Bale will totally end up winning as he’s won everything up to this point, but there are definitely better actors deserving of the award.

Best Supporting Actress:

Amy Adams in The Fighter

Helena Bonham Carter in The King’s Speech

Melissa Leo in The Fighter

Hailee Steinfeld in True Grit

Jacki Weaver in Animal Kingdom

Helena. Helena. Helena. Helena should win. For some strange and bizarre reason that I can’t understand, Melissa Leo has been taking home a good chunk of the awards in this category, including her win at the Golden Globes a month back. The Fighter was a pretty big dick butt of a movie and it’s one of several movies getting nominated for everything for reasons I can’t comprehend. Helena’s role in The King’s Speech was filmed on weekends away from the Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows set and she was amazing. The roles of Bellatrix and Elizabeth couldn’t be more different. Re-cap. Melissa Leo will win, but Helena Bonham Carter should.

Best Actor:

Javier Bardem in Biutiful

Jeff Bridges in True Grit

Jesse Eisenberg in The Social Network

Colin Firth in The King’s Speech

James Franco in 127 Hours

Colin Firth is going to win and Colin Firth should win. I’ve been reading some reviews online saying how he didn’t have the “soul” needed to play the role of King George VI, but I beg to differ. Colin is an amazing actor and the way he captured a man who was to become King was wonderful. He did a spectacular job, as did the rest of the cast and he’s totally deserving of every award he has, and will, receive.

Best Actress:

Annette Bening in The Kids Are All Right

Nicole Kidman in Rabbit Hole

Jennifer Lawrence in Winter’s Bone

Natalie Portman in Black Swan

Michelle Williams in Blue Valentine

Again, Annette Bening will most likely win and she totally deserves it. I have to say, of all of the films nominated for Best Picture this year, The Kids Are All Right is definitely in the running for my favourite. Everyone in the film was spectacular and I’ve never been a Bening fan, so this is a huge deal. I actually couldn’t stand her for years, but seeing how she grasped being a middle-aged, lesbian who is basically watching the family she’s spent most of her life creating, begin to fall apart (but the movie is NOT a downer guys, don’t worry) totally made me fall in love a bit. My one MAJOR disappointment in this category, though, is a complete lack of Julianne Moore. Hello! She was AMAZING. And for a 51 year old woman, she is smoking hot. This movie wouldn’t have been made without her and she’s the only reason Annette agreed to take the role. Where, oh, where is Julianne!!!

Best Animated Feature Film: (Included because I’m an illustrator and I care about this category, biatch.)

How to Train Your Dragon

The Illusionist

Toy Story 3

Toy Story 3 was over-rated. Yea, I said it. It’s only getting the hype it is because we all know it’s the last one and we all grew up with the toys from Andy’s room. How to Train Your Dragon was adorable and the black dragon looks like my cat Zwa Zea, but still, I’m a stickler for old fashioned animation, so I’m favoring The Illusionist, plus I loved the Triplets of Belleville (Sylvain Chomet‘s first full length feature film). I think Toy Story will win, and you might all think I’m crazy, but that’s ok, as I very well may be.

And last but not least…

Best Picture:

Black Swan

The Fighter

Inception

The Kids Are All Right

The King’s Speech

127 Hours

The Social Network

Toy Story 3

True Grit

Winter’s Bone

The best movies out of all those nominated are by FAR Winter’s Bone, The King’s Speech and The Kids Are All Right. Inception blew my mind, yes, but it’s definitely not best picture quality. Black Swan was good, but not great, and the remaining nominees are all just over-rated and favoured by the hipster crowd who would like to think that they knew all about the subject matter before everyone else (except Toy Story, which was discussed in the Best Animated Feature category. Bad, bad, bad).

Winter’s Bone is about a girl who has to find her meth-cooking dad who put their farm up as collateral on his bond. If he doesn’t show up for his court date, they could lose everything. The movie takes place in the Ozarck Mountains and has some beautiful scenes in the area. I think the movie also gave a job to every actor who can only get cast in Beverly Hillbillies re-makes or spoofs (kidding, some of these guys and gals are amazing actors).

Everyone knows that The King’s Speech is about King George VI‘s stammering problem and the man who helped him through it, and that pretty much sums it up.

The Kids Are All Right is about a middle-aged lesbian couple who’s kids, curious to know who their sperm donor father was, go on a journey to find him. After they do, the whole of the families lives get turned upside down. It’s an amazing movie and it makes me happy to see a movie like this get so much acclaim WITHOUT the back lash that Brokeback Mountain got, but unfortunately, I think that’s still because people would rather watch two women together than two men, which is really, really sad. But, kids, that’s another conversation for another day. This movie is fantastic.

I don’t really care which of these three wins, as long as it’s not The Social Network, which it will be. Of the three, The King’s Speech has the best shot, and it’s definitely these two who will be going head to head, unfortunately, due to the unjust hype that the Mark Zuckerberg movie has been getting, I see it winning the top spot.

Before I end this Oscar post, I would also like to express my disdain for who has been chosen to host the show this year. James Franco and Anne Hathaway? Really? Whatever happened to the great hosts like Billy Crystal? Did they think getting two “young” actors to host would make our generation more likely to tune in? I’m tired of the show tunes that they show has been bringing over the last few years. I want more laughs! I cannot STAND Anne Hathway. /endrant

Also,

* I apologize to anyone who will end up getting offended by my lack of inclusion of the Best Foreign Film and Best Documentary Film categories, and the reason for this was simply that I hadn’t seen all of the films nominated in both. I could have lied, but then I’d be a sneaky blogger, and I don’t roll that way. I have seen Exit Through the Gift Shop and Inside Job, which are both great films (Inside Job is extremely relevant so I encourage EVERYONE to watch it). Biutiful and Dogtooth are also wonderful in the Foreign Film category.

5) The Sound of Music

This obviously had to be on the list and I don’t care if it was made in 1965, it is TOTALLY still relevant. Who doesn’t love this movie, if only for the cheesiness, of which it runs rampant. The story is all about a nun turned governess turned wife of an Austrian Naval officer, who is then forced to run from the Nazi’s with her new family at the onset of World War 2. Totally bad ass. Obviously the movie is way over-exaggerated from the real story this is based on, and yes, this did happen, just without all the songs and not as much cheesy romance. None of this movie (or real life story) would have happened had it not been for babysitting, so to that, I think musical theater buffs for all eternity can be thankful.

4) The Babysitter

This movie is pretty awesome, and not a lot of people know it exists. Yes, it’s full of lame mid-90s, er, lameness, but it’s still great. Alicia Silverstone stars as a babysitter who, apparently, everyone wants to bang. She can’t seem to keep the guys away, whether it be the father of the kids she’s taking care of, or her kooky boyfriend. The trailer pretty well sums up exactly what the movie is like.

3) Mrs. Doubtfire

I think this was a staple in every kid from the late 80s/early 90s childhoods, at least it was part of mine and everyone I know, personally. Robin Williams, in an attempt to win back his wife and kids, poses as a British babysitter and gets a job taking care of the family. I think anything Robin Williams is in is awesome (except maybe Old Dogs, RV, License to Wed or Man of the Year) and this is one of his definite bests. Pierce Brosnan is also in this movie, so what else can I say?

2) Uncle Buck

Along with Plains, Trains and Automobiles, I think Uncle Buck is John Candy‘s very best work. It’s totally family appropriate, and yet totally hilarious to kids and grown-ups, alike. The movie is about a single slob who is forced to babysit his nieces and nephew and, of course, ends up learning, at least basic, moral values by the end of the film. He has to be an adult and a parent and ends up becoming a man.

1) Adventures In Babysitting

Ahh, the eighties. In so many ways, I feel that this movie personifies the decade, or is at least one of the films that does. It’s totally cheesy, but totally awesome – exactly what the 1980s were all about. After her date gets cancelled, Chris gets finagled into babysitting Sara and Brad (and Brad’s friend Daryl) and they end up having the best night ever in the history of anything ever. From a crazy tow truck driver, to Thor, to a blues bar, to nearly getting killed by some mob-like characters, they embark on the coolest night anyone could ever experience and are home in time for Mr. and Mrs. Anderson to arrive home from their night out. Truly, the stuff dreams are made of.

Frankie and Alice is based on the true story of a woman who deals with multiple personality disorder (split personalities). It takes place in the 1970s and is about a black stripper (Halle Berry) who has a racist alter persona, Alice, and a third, 7 year old personality, named Genius. She seeks therapy to find out exactly what is causing this to happen to her and so unfolds the plot.

Review:

Well, Halle’s been nominated for all sorts of awards for this role, and I have to admit, she did a pretty good job. The movie wasn’t that bad, but it wasn’t that great either; it was just… alright.

Stellan Skarsgård was fantastic, of course, and Halle was totally hot with her stripper ‘fro, but, in my opinion, the movie missed the mark, absent of the soul and emotion that it was clearly trying to convey to the audience.

Another complaint is how hard it is to find information on the “real” person this is based on. I’m starting to think that this is one of those Coen Brothers’ type ploys where it’s all fictional but they try to pass it off as a real story to get a wider audience.

Anyway, the movie wasn’t something that you’ll really be missing out on if you don’t see it, but it wasn’t terrible so if you’re bored on a Sunday afternoon, you should check it out.

Overall, 3/5 stars.

Frankie & Alice is out today, February 4th.

Casino Jack is about former Washington lobbyist, Jack Abramoff, who was imprisoned back in 2006 for fraud and was at the heart of a series of huge corruption scandals that rocked American politics – a real life fall from grace kind of story.

The Good:

If you’re into politics then you will like this movie. If you’re not, then you probably won’t. This has nothing to do with the calibre of film-making, but, rather, the subject matter. Kevin Spacey, Barry Pepper, Graham Greene, Rachelle Lefevre and John Lovitz are fantastic. It also features the late, great Maury Chaykin in one of his last roles, even though it was a small one.

The Bad:

As previously stated, yes, this is a film about politics, and no, most people aren’t into that. My other complaint is that, as a biographical film, the events it features are over-exaggerated for entertainment purposes. This is why I like documentaries so much more than conventional, Hollywood film making, but that’s another story for another review, another day.

Overall, I’d give the movie 3.5/5 stars. Enjoy!

CASINO JACK opens today, January 28th, 2011.

Switching it up a bit this week. This list has nothing to do with whether these films are the best movies you’ve ever seen, but rather, about the fact that they have the best opening sequences ever. Enjoy!

5. Every single 007 intro

4. Catch Me If You Can

3. Watchmen

2. Zombieland

1. Lord of War

Sofia Coppola‘s latest film is about a fast living actor who, after his daughter comes to visit him for an extended period of time, sees a different side of his life.

The Good:

Although I felt that this film was like a slow, boring, Bill Murray-lacking, Los Angeles version of Lost in Translation, Steven Dorff did an amazing job. I feel bad that this movie, which could have been a come-back for him in so many ways, didn’t live up to expectations. He’s a really great actor, and so is Elle Fanning (even though I can’t stand her sister), and they made the movie way better than it would have been had they NOT been in it.

The Bad:

BORINGGG. I don’t know WHY Sofia decided to use SO many pointless long takes in this movie, but I swear I heard crickets during a few of them. They were completely unnecessary and left me feeling bored and wanting to walk out of the film. The storyline was just a boring coming of middle age-type story in the same realm as Lost in Translation, but with a father/daughter duo instead of a middle-aged man/young woman combination. I was completely let down because I usually love Sofia and her films. She has fantastic soundtracks and cinematography and her story lines, although they aren’t relative to us common, middle-class folk, are still awesome. Disappointment at it’s finest.

SOMEWHERE comes out today, January 7th, 2011, in select theatres.

2010 has come to a close, and with it, a year of pretty decent movies. One very OVER-RATED films has been very intentionally excluded from this list, and I’m sure SOMEONE will mention it, as it’s been on every other list of best movies of the year, so far, and is receiving many undeserved award nominations AND stars a very boring pop “sensation” …If you don’t know what I’m talking about yet, please, just leave.

We also have the dilemma of “awards season” posing a problem for us. Many of the awesome movies that are being considered for the “2010 season” haven’t come out yet. Movies like Blue Valentine (which I’ve been DYING to see), don’t come out until January, something which the studios do intentionally so that the films are fresh in the minds of all of the voters. So here is OUR list, compiled to the best of our abilities. Enjoy!

RUNNERS UP:

Toy Story 3

Yea, I figured if I didn’t include this somewhere, I would have heard about it. The end of an era, this movie was, and I’m sure it brought a heartfelt tear to all of us who grew up with the Toy Story movies. Andy’s toys felt like our toys, and him giving them away felt like us losing them, but that’s life, I suppose. Mostly, I just loved how way much more awesome the animation was in the third installment than the first one, because honestly, when you go back and watch it now, it’s absolutely god awful, but remember how innovative and amazing it was when it came out?

10. Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows

Yes, a Harry Potter movie is one of the best films of 2010. Although most people balked at the idea of dividing the final film in the series into two parts, I think it was a fantastic idea. It’s allowing the creators to include WAY more of the book then they could have otherwise, which in all honesty, was the main criticism I had for each of the other films. They had potential to be good. They had amazing special effects and AMAZING cast members (the best of the best of English thespians, young and old), but they were all just FAR too rushed – the worst probably being The Order of the Phoenix, which was my favourite book (and the longest) but the shortest and most rushed film. Anyway, Deathly Hallow Pt. 1 was awesome and I found that the writers actually attempted to make Harry, Ron and Hermione seem more like real people with real emotions as opposed to the static, boring characters they’ve been made to appear as in the other films. Amazing!

9. I’m Still Here

I don’t know how many people have seen this yet, and I’m sure a lot of people would venture to say it’s boring, but I thought it was awesome, so I don’t much cater for your opinions. This movie was a great documentation on how people treat celebrities and the end of the film actually almost made me cry, especially when you’re thinking about the title. I’ve always loved Joaquin Phoenix, so it makes it even sadder.

8. Buried

The piss-off movie of the year. This movie will make you hate your government, big business and everyone. So depressing. So claustrophobic. Just… ugh. So good.

7. Exit Through the Gift Shop

This documentary actually started out as a film about street art by the amateur filmmaker, Theirry Guetta, but after interviewing Banksy, was intercepted by the artist and was turned around, into a film about Thierry and the downfall and commercialism of a once sacred artform.

6. Shutter Island

Although this movie came out at the beginning of 2010, it still counts in regard to this list. It’s an amazing psychological thriller, and even though I still have a soft spot for Leo based on my 90′s love affair with him, he’s not the only reason I adored this movie. It was not what you expected from start to finish and was full of surprises. There was JUST the right amount of suspense and I didn’t feel like I was going to shit my pants every other second, which is something I hate about most scary movies.

5. 127 Hours

This movie was AWESOME. It’s all about Aaron Ralston, the guy who cut off his own arm with a pick after he fell, and was pinned down by a giant boulder, in the Grand Canyon. So hot. And so scary, and amazing, and admirable. I don’t know if anyone could say if they would do the same if it came to life or death. I know I can’t. I would definitely have to be in that situation. So amazing and Franco. Sweet, sweet, Franco…

4. Black Swan

Yes, everyone is obsessing about this movie because it’s about ballet and it’s all dark n’ stuff, but when you get passed that, it’s actually a brilliant piece of film. I love Darren Aronofsky’s films and Natalie Portman, Vincent Cassell and Mila Kunis can just NOT be a bad combo. The mixture of Vincent’s beautiful face & accent combined with a lesbian sex scene to put Chloe to shame, make this movie too hot to miss. Now, being the film snob that I am, these aren’t the only reasons I adore this movie. Portman’s character is relative to any of us who strive for perfection, and you can see how she falls into her madness. Her mom’s insane and the most annoying part of the film, but it you can get past that, it’s amazing.

3. Four Lions

I cannot rave about this movie enough. If I didn’t feel that #1 and 2 would appeal to more people, this movie could very well have been the top film on the list, but since I have to listen to other people’s opinions, it’s only third. The movie is about a group of bumbling terrorists who just can’t catch a break, and they’re super hot, too. Well, two of them are… the other three, not so much. Anyway, the movie is full of awesomeness and it’s English, so watch it, basically.

2. Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

Yea, yea I did. In terms of sheer entertainment value, this movie was bad fucking ass. Yes, we all love to hate Michael Cera. No, this movie wasn’t Oscar worthy. But at the end of the day, it blew all of our minds with how awesome it was. I also don’t care if you think that the “graphic novel” it was based on is the downfall of the medium, the movie was still amazing. So please, spare me.

1. Inception

Everyone’s favourite movie this year to totally not comprehend. I don’t get what was so hard to understand about it, and I really don’t think you can have fully appreciated this film in all of it’s glory UNLESS you “got” it (so most of you suck) but this movie was ball’s to the floor stupendous. The special effects were phenomenal, the soundtrack was awesome and the cast was SUPER-cool (except for Ellen Page. Sorry, folks, but I have never been able to stand her. Tom Hardy, due to the fact that he makes me slighly moist, makes up for her shitty presence, though).

It’s that time of year again… Yes, the cliche statement that had to be made at the start of this Top 5 list. Christmas is a time of love, giving and remembering those who have less… NOT. It’s about getting and buying shit. Plain and simple. But I like to take the quiet moments during this high-stress and broke-ass holiday season to watch some of my favourite films that only come out of the Christmas decoration box but once a year, and here they are:

5. Rankin/Bass Specials

This includes Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Frosty, Santa Claus is Coming to Town and The Little Drummer Boy, amongst others. These movies personified many a child’s Christmas from our parents generation, to that of our own kids (yes, people our age are popping them out. not me, though. kids smell.). These movies are adorable and have provided us with many of our favourite holiday ditties (we’ll ignore the Glee re-makes, too, folks).

4. Christmas Vacation

Although I hate Chevy Chase (the only other movie I’ve ever liked him in was Caddyshack, which was saved by Bill Murray and Rodney Dangerfield), this movie is a classic. It features Randy Quaid before he went cuckoo cuckoo for cocoa cocoa puffs, a young Juliette Lewis and a freeze-dried, dusty turkey dinner. What more could you ask for? Maybe not the fried cat, but other than that, I lurve this movie.

3. A Christmas Story

I’m sure everyone’s going to be like, “OMGWTFWHYISNTTHISNUMBERONE.” Well, in all honesty, I love Bill Murray and It’s a Wonderful Life is one of the best movies ever, so sorry, kids, but no. This movie IS a classic in every sense of the word, but sometimes, what you like and what’s good are two very different things. This movie pretty much makes Christmas for everyone, but a couple other movies are just way more entertaining. Anyway, there IS a reason why TBS used to play this non-stop for 24 hours straight on Christmas Day, so obviously watch it.

2. It’s a Wonderful Life

One of my favourite movies ever, this is an absolute classic. I know a lot of people are all like, “It’s old. GTFO.” but I’m sorry. You can’t like film and then not watch something like this. Not only is it absolutely beautiful film-making, with an amazing story and an outstanding cast, but the pop culture references relevant to this film are in the hundreds. Pure magic.

1. Scrooged

So when would I ever pass up the chance the put a Bill Murray movie anywhere? Not only is this the best Christmas movie ever, but it’s one of his bests, as well. What else is there to say about him that I haven’t already? Not much, I suppose, but this is probably his best “comedic” film (other than Ghostbusters, perhaps?). I have to take this moment to establish my love for “dramatic” Bill, as I know there are countless haters, but frankly, uhm, go fuck yourself on that one. This movie is hilarious, has good moral values and Bill is lookin’ mighty fine here. Check it if you haven’t, but who hasn’t, really?

Little Fockers, the third installment in the Meet the Parents trilogy (and you don’t know how much it pains me to write that), is about Greg (Ben Stiller) and Pam (Teri Polo) who, having started their family (two twins who are about to turn five), once again embark on a misadventure with the in-laws, the Byrnes’ (DeNiro and Danner) and the Fockers (Streisand and Hoffman). Blah, blah, blah. The same old story…

The Good:

There were a few laughs, but same old, same old. The stories from each film are almost identical, save the few characters added or removed from each film. I will say that I found the latest installment funnier than the second film, but it wasn’t as good as the first (which I didn’t really like all that much either). The only good things about the film is that the inclusion of some of the cast is worth sitting through two hours of poop, namely the parentals, Dustin, Barbra, Blythe and Bobby De Niro.

The Bad:

As I’ve already said, there were a few good laughs, but nothing that isn’t worth waiting till an illegal screener copy comes up online for. The movie consisted of the exact same storyline as the other three and it has Jessica Alba in it… need I say more?

Little Fockers is out today, December 17th, in theatres ERRY’WHERE.

In honor of the passing of the last of the great comedians, we have decided to celebrate his life with a Top 5 list. This man, along with Bill Murray, Rodney Dangerfield, John Candy and Robin Williams, was SUCH a huge part of my childhood (on the comedy front, anyway), to the point where I felt like I knew him. I never had the honor of meeting him, but his films were so integral to my youth, and I had seen them so many times, that can you blame me for feeling that way, as I’m sure many of you did as well, judging by Facebook posts memorializing him on November 28th, 2010, shortly after his passing. Leslie’s career spanned well over 50 years, but it wasn’t until 1980, when he was already in his late 50s, with the release of Airplane, that people really started to take notice of this wonderfully charming funnyman. The greatest thing about Leslie Nielsen was that, even though he was hilarious, he always maintained a heartwarming quality about him that made you feel like he could have been your grandfather in another life. Him narrating the short-lived cartoon Katie and Orbie, in the early 1990s cemented that. I hated the show, but as soon as my mommy told me that it was Leslie narrating it, I couldn’t help but watch solely to hear his voice.

Leslie, you were the last of the great comedians and I, along with countless others, will never forget you. Your career will live on for decades. Here are our Top 5 Leslie Nielsen movies. Goodnight, sweet prince…. and don’t call me Shirley:

RUNNERS UP:

Men With Brooms

Adorably Canadian, this isn’t the best movie ever, by far, but it IS a cute, funny and charming Leslie Nielsen film, and so it is on the list.

Directed by Paul Gross (of Passchendaele fame), the movie is about a group of curlers who get together to win a big tournament in memory of their deceased coach. This is mostly a movie to watch when you feel like a “light” film, which pretty much all of these films are, but you catch my drift.

Spy Hard

This plot of this movie follows the same wavelength as the Naked Gun series, but is a parody of classic spy films (think James Bond). It follows a classically bumbling Leslie on his escapades as a less then clever spy. Sort of a Get Smart, but good, and not re-hashed, unfunny shit.

5) Dracula; Dead & Loving It

One of my earliest Leslie exposures, Dracula; Dead & Loving It is once again a Nielsen classic. Directed by Mel Brooks, the master of parody (not so much lately, though), the film is a take, obviously, on the Dracula/vampire franchise. If you’ve seen the original, Bela Lugosi version, you’ll think it’s way funnier then if not, because it’s almost shot for shot at some points. This film is a staple in my Halloween viewing list and should be on yours, too.

4) The Naked Gun 2 1/2

I actually saw the sequel to The Naked Gun before I saw the original. Although I can’t say it’s funnier than the original, it’s still hilarious. Featuring the likes of Priscilla Presley, Robert Goulet and OJ Simpson (before he started killing people) it’s a classic.

The Naked Gun series is a parody on the cliche police dramas of the 1960s and 70s and was actually based on a short-lived series starring Leslie, called Police Squad.

3) Wrongfully Accused

My friend Justin and I quote this movie ALL the time. “How dare you?!” “You dare to dare me!?” “How dare you how dare my how dare you, you big pee pee head!” This movie is amazing. I saw it at the drive-in in Barrie when it first came out and it’s been one of my favourite comedies ever since. THIS film is a parody of The Fugitive and, if you’ve seen it (hint*hint: watch it before you watch Wrongfully Accused) you’ll see how completely hilarious it is.

2) The Naked Gun

I already described the plot outline of this film series above, but I’ll just re-iterate how completely hilarious these movies are. The original, of course, is the best of the three, and includes the same cast in the starring roles of the film (aside from Robert Goulet. We have Ricardo Montalban starring as the bad guy in this one).

1) Airplane

Definitely the best known, most widely appreciated and definitely classic Nielsen, Airplane is number one for a reason. It was the film that put Leslie on the map and cemented his role as a parody-actor. He’s not the lead actor of the film, which features a menagerie of them, but he definitely stands out as the funniest. The movie parodies a plethora of 1970s films and is just as funny, today, as it was when it came out in 1980.

RIP Leslie
1926-2010

I love this man. Not QUITE as much as I love Bill Murray, but almost equally. He’s always had that super geeky look about him, but at the same time is so tanned, toned, beautiful… and smart, too, I guess. He’s never really made it to hunky leading man status except, maybe, in Jurassic Park 2, but he’s beloved by many. Like most of my celebrity crushes (others include Peter Stormare, Robert Carlyle, and Steve Buscemi), I suppose he’s considered a B-Actor by many, but he’s always stood out in his many roles, as one of the best characters in the film. Why is that? Obviously because of his charm and swagger. The man is a stone cold fox, and so, we celebrate him:

5) The Big Chill

This classic is about a group of baby boomer college friends who reunite after 15 years apart due the death of a friend. I included this movie in my Top 5 Movies That Premiered At TIFF, and shortly discussed my love for Jeffykins, then, as well. This movie is super cute and would be good for watching on a lonely Sunday afternoon.

4) Jurassic Park

The movie that made me fall hopelessly in love with this man at the age of 5 – I don’t know if Jeffy looked any more appealing in any of his other roles, or was more bad ass. This movie is so amazing for so many reasons, and was such a huge part of so many of our childhoods. Also, hearing him utter the words, “That’s one big pile of shit” never gets old. Oh, and props to Sam Neil for also being a sexy, sexy man.

3) The Fly

The movie where Geena Davis and Jeff Goldblum met (before they got married and divorced), this movie is on most lists as being one of the “scariest movies ever,” which I disagree with, as you can see from my list of Top 5 Scariest Movies Ever. Jeff, a scientist, makes an error during one of his experiments, and slowly begins to transform into a fly, while being chased by crazy people and trying to be helped by Geena Davis’s character. Seriously, though, by the end of the movie, Jeff looks so fucking hot. This film can also add to it’s Simpsons cred because it was spoofed on one of their Halloween Howl episodes where Bart is transformed into a fly-man. So good. So, so good.

2) Igby Goes Down

Aside from Keiran Culkin being sexy as shit, Jeff, who plays his doting godfather, is also amazing in this movie. I never thought I’d say this, but I was jealous as shit of Amanda Peet, who gets to bang him repeatedly throughout the film. He doesn’t have a huge role in the movie, and you don’t get to see him a whole lot, but he still stands out.

1) The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou

When would I EVER resist the urge to include this movie on a list. Never. As I’ve stated a garillion times, this is my favourite film ever. And although I find it impossible to list my “top 5 favourite movies,” if someone was holding a gun to my head and said “CHOOSE!” (because that happens ALL the time) then this one would definitely be numero uno. I mean, it’s got the best actors, the best subject matter, the best director, the best everything. But anyway, let’s get back to Jeff. Another supporting role, but definite best. He plays the infamous foe of Steve Zissou, Alistair Hennessey, who, along with having been married to his wife, constantly tries to shaft his career. Once again, it’s not his biggest role, but he definitely stands out as one of the leads in this film. Love, love, loveee!