It felt a little Cannonball Run to tell you the truth. Betti Forde and I got on a plane in Toronto, bound for Vancouver, Jubilee, Kenzie Clarke and Mama Miche (Bitchin’) caught a flight from Calgary, and B.Traits was already in Van City having flown home a day early after the Banff show. We all met up at 9:30AM, a little groggy, a little banged up, but happy to see each other and get the last leg underway.

VANCOUVER

So we got into Van mad early and checked into our hotel, then went straight for Pho, which is the new A&W on this tour, then break for nap times (well, I went for an epic 10K run along the sea wall, which was so absolutely beautiful, I’d rank it up there with a single surprise orgasm in terms of awesome-ness). By 6:30PM, we were at Fortune setting up and loving their Halloween decor, zombie Biggie and Tupac anyone?

Then it was off to dinner with Red Bull’s Kenny Mac, who took the motely crew of loud ass women to some Cambodian spot that sounded like Poon Pen. Best chicken wings and soft shell crab ever. At dinner, Kate from Stinkmitt joined us. She regaled us all with witty one liners like “My womb is a tomb” and “if they peaches are ripe, I say pick” in reference to wearing the same undies two days a in a row. Also, Kate and Maren sang a lovely cover of “Last night a DJ saved my life” that went like this: “Last night a BJ saved my life…” And Kenny Mac snagged it as his ring tone. Since those girls can really sing, the whole restaurant heard. It was just another classy moment on Get Er Done.

At the show, Stinkmitt performed, which was nice. Also, I got a boner for a Karaoke room ON SITE at the club!

It wasn’t mad full but damn that sound system is lovely. Oh and Kate got caught on video stealing our rider. The girls were mad at first, but it’s kinda funny now isn’t it? Check the vid for yourself below.

Kate an hour before the crime was committed

WHISTLER

On Friday we enjoyed a rare moment called “late checkout” and were on the road by 1PM towards Whistler. Six of us piled into one room since we had no intention of actually staying the night, having to drive to Nelson 10 hours the next day anyway. Being that it was Halloween, we got in the spirit and got our costuming on. Jubilee and B.Traits were Wayne + Garth, and Bitchin’ recycled some dope Gnome costumes from Shambhala. Betti Forde was Ke$ha in another bad ass onsie (her closet is like one endless onsie train; the ride gets better the longer you stay on it), and I was a Tweety Bird (again cause my fucking Shocker costume got stuck in the States since the people at BuyCostumes.com have never rerouted a package and have shit for brains and sent it to my HOME ADDRESS in Toronto. Assholes). But I don’t have pictures of us, cause that’s just how the cookie crumbled.

NELSON

By 4am we were strapped into a car with a sober Mama Miche at the helm and flying towards Nelson. Not gonna lie, that drive was a bit rough considering I got deep into the Burt Reynolds hole with Dom the manager at Garfinkels the night before. Sobering up in a car is lovely. Just lovely.

We made it to the Hume Hotel, which is where Spirit Bar is located and after getting a good dose of Oso Negro, we passed out for a solid 4 hour nap.

The party in Nelson went off like a crack whore with a fresh welfare cheque. I gotta say, the whore quotient was pretty low in Nelson, which was really refreshing. It was almost like a Jim Henson movie, with people break dancing and flipping around on the dance floor and furniture. Costume wise, we had a Hamburgler (Jubilee), Unicorn Trainer (Mama Miche), Bunny (Kenzie Clarke), a Kingu Flying Bat (B.traits) and I was Prince. Yes, the purple one. Highlight: B.Trait’s dad came dressed as a younger version of himself and her mom stayed right to the end (she’s from Nelson originally).

Awesome Nelson Ladies!

After switching up the lineup and bringing Bitchin’ into the game, the ladies touched down in Winterpeg on Thursday afternoon in rapid succession. Mama Miche and Jubilee from Calgary, Kenzie Clarke from Victoria, and Roxy Cottontail fresh off of a rest in Toronto. We must not have read the fine print on the itinerary, because apparently battling the lady at the Hertz counter with the T-Rex arms was first on the list of to-do’s. Once we had sorted out a snazzy red Mazda 6 (with enough trunk room for the luggage of 4 women…you do the math) we were able to navigate ourselves into downtown Winnipeg and the suite hotel rooms waiting for us. Miche checked in the group and we were happy to discover that we each had our own bed…..well, that we each had our own THREE beds, kitchenette, dining room, and living room area. BAM! Depending on how you looked at it, it could have been a good thing or a bad thing….Good for having room to let your suitcase explode in girlish fashion, and have your choice of sleeping arrangements, bad in that it made for a harder job covering the surface area looking under each of the beds and in the closets before you went to sleep.

The Soundcheck at the venue for the evening, The Pyramid Cabaret, was about as nice a surprise as our life saving Pho at a Vietnamese Restaurant in Saskatoon. The sound was money. When we headed out for dinner and found that we were going to be sharing the Thursday night crowd with another night hosted by new friends and Winnipeg/Guelph DJ heroes, Brock Goldngrams and Tim Co-op, we were a little worried. Turns out that Thursday was not our lucky strike, but we got to have some serious bonding with opening DJ, and all around rad chick, DJ Sw@t, got to meet Andy Samberg (or a reasonable facsimile), got to play “Name what that dude smells like”, and got to DJ some bumping tunes for those lucky kids who came to check us out. Roxy definitely got us through the night, playing some crazy ripping bass lines that kept them on the floor till 2:30. We kept our party super tight due to the impending 800km drive between Saskatoon and Winnipeg that we were to tackle in the am, but did manage to have one of the shots that was dubbed by Mama Miche especially for the tour: The Hand Job, or, Jamieson’s shaken on ice.

We were up early enough to take Roxy to Tim Hortons for her virgin run…..A coffee, some Canadian lingo, and a breakfast sanny saw her totally sorted and understanding why some Canadians need their Timmy’s like some people need crack. We piled in the car and headed out onto the plains, our new mascot, Sparkle-Eh the unicorn, seated comfortably on the dashboard. After falling in love with a wicked Baltimore DJ mix, Portage of the Prairies and their weird bikes, and the fact that we had discovered The Nothing from The Neverending Story, we were off and driving that Mazda 6 like a G6.

Putting autopilot on and resigning ourselves to the fact that we were in for an approx 10 hr drive we hit that highway like a bunch of pros. 7.5 hours motherfuckers. Saskatoon was waiting for us, and we were excited to all be there to play at Scratch (a personal favourite venue in Canada and home to the best host ever, Neil Malik.) Neil fed us amazing Indian tapas and the Gaff warmed up the room with his serious skills. When we hit the decks, a Red Bull fridge filled with Heineken, Red Bull, and a bottle of the Silent Bird (grey goose), had magically made its way onto the stage behind us…so we invented another tour drink :The Finger Bang….Vodka, Red Bull, and soda. Very interesting to request one of those from whoever is on making drinks duty…especially in a crowded and loud club…oh, and btw, we totally rocked Saskatoon…

Bitchin’ on opening with some Nu Disco jams, Roxy on second playing her “best set!”,(INSERT PICTURE 5 HERE) and Jubilee getting into it with her signature bass. The end of the night had Jubilee and Mama being a bunch of pot-heads as an homage to our friend DJ Ayres, many grammatically erroneous Twitter posts, and some attempts to cover INXS’s “I need you tonight” with a beer bottle ‘jug band’ accompaniment.

The first word out of everyone’s mouths the next morning was “PHO”, so we made our way to the gates of heaven, aka Vietnamese Restaurant. That place will bring you back from the clutches of bad feelings from the night before like nobodies business. We had fixed ourselves, and the days drive from Saskatoon to Edmonton was calling (and B.Traits was tweeting for us to get our asses in gear and get there so she could meet up with us) so on the road again we went. The drives through the prairies are sponsored by the numbers 1, 5, and 5, and the letters k, m, and /hr. Needless to say, we got to the hotel in a shorter amount of time than was originally calculated….suck it Google maps. Jubilee woke up just before we rolled into Edmonton as our friends gave us a full shout on their radio show,….going from full sleep to “WTF?!” was pretty amazing to witness.
The Edmonton show was awesome for having at least the rider set out in full force. The pros in all of us shone through, and we went to town on the sound systems in Temple/Brixx. Jubilee and B.Traits gave the basement a thorough bassy rinse out, and Bitchin’ and Roxy went 4/4 techy upstairs. We got to see a variety of past Get ‘er Done fans, Betti Forde’s friend Gerald, (such a doll), all the foosh/danksoul/treehouse peeps, and Colleen, our resident hottie and music nerd.

Things we’ve learned so far? Driving on straight highways without any music or cd’s because there is no ipod plug in sucks, Mazda’s are just Ferrari’s in disguise, PHO is the elixir of life and we will probably eat it ten times or more before the tour is finished, stuffed unicorns on the dash is better than a GPS, having a cigarette lighter adaptor to plug your chargers into in the car is essential when you are tweeting/texting obsessively trying to keep the drive boredom at bay, and Roxy Cottontail is an amazing addition to the Tour this time around, and we will all miss her as she’s finished her dates and has headed back to NYC.
Saskatoon is definitely in the lead for best show, but now we’re onto the west coast….where we almost lost our minds and livers last times. Let’s see what you got.

“Call me when you return from Neptune” were the words one of my promoters last said to me before I headed off to the Black Rock Desert in Nevada AKA Burning Man. Neptune? This year, I was invited to come and be a part of the Root Society and DJ at one of their stages with my Bitchin’ DJ Kenzie Clarke.
Wednesday September 1st , I arrived in Reno at 10:30 am still sleepless (up for over 27 hrs now) and I was greeted by my shuttle mates and fellow Canucks Hatiras, his wife Melanie, MC Flipside and Kill The Noise (not a Canuck but a great dude ). Our leader Maximus appeared and together we gathered 3 more van loads of DJs.

Instantly we were on Playa time, and since I had had the most sleep (total none) I took to the wheel and drove our posse out of town down route 80 towards Gerlach and the Great Pyramid Lake Reservation. A two hour drive and a short wait at the gate by the days standards left us with a light search for feathers and live plants. We then de-virginize ourselves by rolling in the dust, making dust angels and ringing a giant bell declaring “Virgin No More!” Instantly we were bonded as “Burners”, welcomed home and off we go to our camp at 10:00 and Baghdad.

Photo by Melanie & George Hatiras

So here’s where I realize that this place is fucking HUGE! Oh yeah my little map with all the coordinates of people’s camps I want to visit and explore “just two or three or six blocks away from me”. Fucking hell this place is 8 miles round! How on Earth or Neptune will I find Kenzie?

Arrival at Root and Flash Gadget – Tipi Concierge and NewFoundlander shows us all to our respective Tipi’s. A quick costume change into my “Apres Ski” uniform, I grab Star Eyes and two bikes and off we go directly across the Playa to find the Time of Your Life Camp where I am to DJ my first set with Kenzie. Keep in mind I still haven’t slept and am now completely overtaken by the blinking lights and awesome before me.

Photo – Root Society Camp

We arrive huffing and puffing after our 2 mile cycle and find more Canucks than you can shake a stick at in proper Ski suits, racing suits and all sorts of variations on the fav winter sport (in the desert) than you can imagine, moments later Kenzie finds me and its game on!

There is a photo booth consisting of two sets of ski boots locked into skis, fastened into a stationary position with a giant ski hill map backdrop behind it and a snow machine. Shit I am so going to get in these! Kenzie and I jump in and 3 seconds later I re injure my MCL. Right – day 1, no sleep, injuries – 1, how the hell am I going to ride home?

Photo by/of: Jon & Pamela Horvath

Whiskey cures everything. I make it back to camp and situate myself right at Oscar’s bar – the coolest bar on the Playa and hang till about 4 am. I’m still not done! The Martin Brothers from San Francisco are playing a hop skip and limp from me at 4 am at the Nexus stage. Roll my bag of bones on over and voila, Soundwave besties and Shambhala warriors united we bounce to the Function One sound system till 6 am– total up time 47 hours.

Nexus had a fire globe and jungle gym all around the stage – ridiculous!

Thursday September 2^nd – 11 am – Roll out of Tipi, its hot, wow they weren’t kidding. Certainly hotter than Calgary’s summer, find one ladies black slip and bustle, goggles and bandana and BAM we are fitting in with the locals. Kenzie comes and finds me and we are off to Bacon without Borders for another little DJ set.

We got no Bacon but we did have a nice time peddling through the sand and making plans to fight in the Thunderdome later.

Photo – Beautiful sculpture that took 60,000 individual welds and a few trucks to haul her out to the desert.

Fast Forward to Thursday evening – Nick Thayer arrives direct from Australia – no sleep either and we have coordinated for him to eat, get on our private art car we have commandeered (a mini van with a bunch of benches on the roof and a shade structure driven from the roof with a lever and a string – so tight), hit our next set on the Janky Barge, get Nick to his set at Opulent Temple then back to Root Society for Nick to play the big dome. Man we are busy!

Photo of The Janky Barge

Opulent Temple was a great stage with the ability for the DJs to control the fireballs that blasted above their heads for all the builds in the music – max 6 fireballs per set to save fuel for the next guy!

Here’s a video Elite Force put together from  his set at Opulent Temple:

Nick finishes and above our mini chariot we climb again and go back across the Playa to Root Society. Its here when I notice that from across the Playa at 2:00 and Baghdad we can see the giant video wall called The Tower of Babel which is Root Society’s main stage this year. As we get closer the visuals are so insane! Not sure how big this thing is but its so cool, DJs situated right in the middle while Boston based VJ’s sit across from the stage in their light booth and control all the visuals.

Here’s Youtube video of Stripe at Tower of Babel

And check out Crystal Method

Nick gets to his set in the 90’ dome, Kill The Noise wakes up from a nap and we kidnap him in search of grilled cheese sandwiches at 3 am. Dust City Diner is our destination and Todd knows where to find it. Deep Playa is the coordinates and off we go into the darkness north of the city towards a few meanderings of blinking lights.

This adventure was by far my favorite of the entire week at Burning Man. When you get away from the city you hear quiet and see all the lights and just relish in the fact that all these people 51,000 to be more precise came together to create something out of nothing and when we are all gone on Monday this place will be back to the way it was. Sorry deep thoughts, but it does start to hit you.

Todd is a genius and knows the Dust City lights better than others and within 10 mins has found our late night snack shack. We park, hop up on bar stools and sit in this 50’s diner where we are served by Dinah in a bouffant blonde wig. “The meatloaf is amazing” she says as she hands me a grilled cheese and a coffee served on a little porcelain cup; motown on the stereo and ashtrays under the lamps on the counter. Heaven I am in heaven.

Photo – Dust City Diner

Friday September 3^rd – 9:30 am – This 5 hours of sleep or less a night is starting to get to me a bit. I head over to Kenzie’s house to volunteer. Kenzie’s camp boss Todd is a cool creep, he runs the Soulmate Trading Outlet where Kenzie and tour Dr. Dug were employed to help the applicants find their soulmates in an amazing process powered by dolphin cries and unicorn tears, not to be confused with a dating service. I spent the morning here helping out and was lucky enough to get T Bagged on the head by some naked dude who decided the shortest point from A to B was over my head – thanks dude.

Later Friday Star Eyes kills it in her Burqa. I am jealous as we hit the dust storm that I didn’t think to bring one! We grab cocktails and water and head out and run full tilt into Boobies on Bicycles; a few hundred women tits out on two wheels cruising. We venture over to Time Of Your Life camp again for some Margherita’s and a DJ set by Foxy Moron.

Friday at 8pm – Underground Dome, Root Society – Time for Bitchin to play! We meet our sound guy Scurry who from the minute we start playing is running over to dance and thank us for great beats. Everyone is so thankful! Loving it! Canadians I never knew existed popped in to show their support as we battled it out on the dustiest set of CDJs you ever saw in your life.

As we finish our set Scurry comes over with a gift – two keys to the city, only 100 made and lucky us – a souvenir to last a lifetime. We also got a “Really Good” sign from some sweet Canucks and we thought of our good buddy Mat The Alien and wished he was there performing his video set on the giant video wall!

Later in the evening Nick Thayer got the opportunity to play in the video wall right before Crystal Method. Check out Nick’s sweet little Burn video here for an idea of what its like to be up in the wall and have 15,000 or so people around you dancing.

Check out Nick’s Burning Man video here:

Saturday September 4^th – After Kenzie and I played our second set at Roots on one CDJ, someone’s serato and my hard drive (things are getting really dusted by now), I made a trip to the Temple. The Temple was one of my favorite art installations in the city. Someone and whether or not this is true told me that it was an estimated $300,000 USD art installation and was designed to burn in huge fire tornadoes.

I went out with Nick Thayer and Ali-B, I had a few tokens from my Step Father, Step Mother and Nona all of whom died this past year from cancer. Nick wanted to say a prayer for little Quinn Mills, son of Adam AKA A-Skillz and Susie Mills who had died at the age of 1 just the week before from an aggressive cancer. Needless to say the emotions were uncontrollable as we wept, hugged and supported each other. The great thing is there were thousands who had been there before us to leave their messages, wishes and prayers to the Temple, which was to burn on Sunday night.

On the trek home I decided I was ready to make Saturday night really count. Since it was my last night on the Playa I thought: “I will stay up all night and catch my 11 am shuttle and sleep in the car”. As a camp we prepare for Saturday nights Burn. The man is ready to go down and we cannot believe that the last 3 days has brought us all so close together. Our tireless leader Jefr Tale leads the evenings meeting and with many tears he announces that Root Society will not be having a dance stage next year. He and his wife are expecting and its time for a break. It’s here when I realize how lucky I was to be invited to be a part of this group and that I truly feel they are just as much a part of my family as I am of theirs.

Ok I know the sappy Burning Man stuff, it happens!

We walk out as a group all 162 of us and situate ourselves to watch the man come down. The arms are up, fireworks for 25 ish minutes with a dust storm and then BOOM! A huge fireball explosion and the entire structure is engulfed in flames. People around me comment on how fast it will burn, what an amazing week they had and then of course more hugs, tears and hollers as people get wiley over the man going down. Party Time!

Here’s a short video of the fireworks and the explosion:

Post burn I am feeling so full of inspiration and sad that in 12 ish hours it will all be over for me. I cruise back to camp check out some of the DJs and a little walk around our neighborhood has me pooped. I plunk down at Oscars bar and help Simon and Oscar serve drinks till about 6 am.

OSCAR’s BAR

OSCAR THE GREAT!

I haven’t really seen the sunrise yet so I decide to head over to the Disco Knights camp (across the street from my Tipi) and watch the sunrise listening to the choicest choons by San Francisco DJ M3. Joined by my Tenessee born lovely Darla Jean we giggle our way into daylight.

DARLA JEAN ALWAYS LOOKS HOT!

Sunday September 5^th – 11am – Nick and I are ready to hit our hotel in Reno, sleep in a bed, shower twice and eat the buffet. Its then we are asked to haul scaffolding and tear down the stages in the 90 foot dome. Without hesitation we get to work. I want to die since I haven’t slept and am still pretty drunk. But I did it. Thank god for Sky Walkers hugs and peanut butter sandwiches. I have still never been happier; best day ever.

We luck out and get to stay to watch the Temple burn, I wasn’t expecting this so even though I have been up for 2 days and am completely exhausted I am so stoked. We hop on the Purple Palace art bus and roll out onto the Playa for our last time. Different from the burn the night before the Playa is nearly silent. Art cars shut off their lights, turn off the tunes and let people sit and respect what the temple meant for each of us.

Photo – Purple Palace Art Bus parked at 10:00 and Esplanade right at Root Society.

Check out this Youtube video of the temple burn in 3 parts:

Part 1:

Part 2: (FIRE TORNADOES!)

Part 3:

Of course tons of other shit happened. Our friends got married at the Temple, Distrikt had a rad dancefloor, bar and water hose, tons of art cars, random acts of awesomeness etc etc. The first thing when you get to the desert is to give up on trying to do everything. Take your time, see and do what you can.

The rest of my trip home involves an anxiety ridden drive home, a rude hotel front desk clerk spelling my name wrong and nearly kicking Nick and I in the street, a shower, a cheeseburger, 6 hours sleep, a pool party, a buffet, 12 more hours sleep, 3 flights from Reno to Salt Lake to Minneapolis to Calgary, two days sleep and the most amazing adventure of my life.

Being invited to be a part of Root Society was really incredible, an experience I will remember and be grateful for always. Huge thanks to Jefr, Skywalker, Jim, Simon, Oscar, all the Root Society, Syd Gris of Opulent Temple, Costco Soul Trading and so many more. I will be going next year, you should come home too.

-Words: Mama Miche, Bitchin’

Don’t know what to do for NYE? Live in Canada? Well we’ve got some top picks allllllmost coast to coast. Pick a city and a party and get crackin’.

Happy New Year ya’ll. Be safe if you can’t be good.

VANCOUVER

Intimate Productions combines the three clubs at the Lotus Hotel for their 10th consecutive New Years Eve event. The bash incorporates gogo dancers, FREE tapas before 11pm, party favors and a champagne toast at midnight, coinciding with a 3 room countdown.

It runs from 9pm until 4 am. Advance tickets are sold out but $50 tickets (which are also being sold quickly) can be bought on clubzone.

Check out facebook for more info.

VICTORIA

Lucky Bar is presenting NYE@NYPD this year. Being DJ’d by Bitchin’ and Bird Peterson, this year’s celebration is going to combine a mix of amazing beats and bass as well as remixes from a wide range of artists.

Get your $15 pre-tickets at Ditch Records or at Lucky Bar ASAP. (They’re also available for $20 at the door).

Get the 411 on facebook.

TORONTO

Toronto hot spot Wrongbar for a no bullshit wild & fun NYE featuring well-known DJs Barletta, Nasty Nav, Torro Torro and Rynecologist.

It starts at 10pm and has an extended last call (meaning more time for you to get your drink on).

A few tickets are still available here and also at Rotate This and Soundscapes. Email bottles@wrongbar.com for bottle info!

MONTREAL

NYE with Megasoid at Blizzarts: a way to bring in the new year with bass all night and free champagne at midnight. A one of a kind DJ set, bringing in “2010, the Year of the Real” and tickets are selling FAST (get advance tickets at Off the Hook)

Shambhala is by far this country’s biggest dance party – it’s a yearly electronic music festival held in the West Kootenay region of British Columbia. Here, Mama Miche from Bitchin’ gives us the lowdown.

I didn’t take all these pics, but that’s why I am the Mama, I got great creeps in great places to help me document the MOST FUN EVER at Shambhala 2009! Since it was my 12th consecutive year attending the dopest party on the planet, the team at the Fractal Forest surprised me with my own stage for me and all my creeps to camp in. Not only did it include this dope sign (Mother’s Cupboard), but we had a 20 X 20 raised stage with a pyramid on top.

I think they just wanted me to keep me in my pen. (enter Mother’s Cupboard pic here – I am with Regan and Ali-B).

Friday night progressed far to quickly into Saturday morning where the sets kept getting better and better with Ali-B, Vinyl Ritchie, Smalltown DJ’s Boy 8-bit, Smoke & Mirrors and Wax Romeo holding down the Fractal Forest. Since sleep was optional I took the high road and cruised through the night light as a feather on the dancefloor, until we hit Saturday AM back at the now infamous Mother’s Cupboard camp where the real shananigans began.

First off, everyone had to get in my tickle tent and get a costume on, then we played hacky sack with the deflated thermal unrest, then we stacked about 17 hats on Smalltown Pete’s head, then he passed out and we stacked everything else we could find on him – FTW!!

We kept rolling on through Saturday and decided it was time to hang with our Gnomies. That’s right we ventured out from camp in these wicked ‘fits and posed like garden gnomes all around the farm.

Got really weird feelings peeps were staring at us a lot, but at least we weren’t naked like the topless hoola hoop girls and the shirt cocker guys we were just dying to fire a pants cannon at!

Saturday night was time for P.L.U.R. that stands for Peace, Love, Unicorns, Respect – of course I was in charge of the Unicorns. Let it be known if you are raving in the woods with 12,000 people and you dont want to A) lose your friends or B) get yourself too dirty, white coveralls and hard hats are totally the way to go – safety third!

Also included are a few of the wicked Major Lazer shots from the Pagoda Stage – eat your heart out Diplo & Switch!

So Saturday night’s top highlight sets included Nick Thayer, Deekline, Will Bailey and Kill The Noise – I know there were way more, but that’s about as far as my P.L.U.R.’d ass got me as two days of no sleep and gnoming around town really started to take it toll.

Soo Sunday let me have a 3 hour nap so I could get ready for our ultimate challenge – onsite T shirt making for the golf tourney during the Funk Jam. The Funk Jam is the best way to spend Sunday at Shams – all the boys throw down the jams and we drink the rest of the booze. Some of the best T shirts include: Kenzie with pink hair sporting “The carpet matches the drapes”, Chantal sporting: “Cuntsmasher” I think that says it all, and me promoting my new band “Velocity Raptor” Fast Clenching….\/ |3 !!

After the funk jam the ladies through a party back at camp – of course it was L’80′s!! DJ’s K-tron and A-Mac killed it with pseu pseu pseudio and more, then Pete Emes rocked the bells followed by DJ ICON from San Fran. Mother’s Cupboard was voted Best Stage Ever and we plan to continue the tradition – note costumes for this were Business Suit Sunday and The Easy Buttons proved to be 100% wicked 100% of the time….That was easy!

Monday morning came way to quickly and so did the reminder that I fell down at my L’80′s party and pulled all the muscles on the inside of my left knee. Funny I kept raving & danced harder than ever to AC Slater‘s set – woops!

Without being able to walk, packing up camp and trying to find my dignity became uber difficult. We managed and made the 2 plus hour exodus down the dusty trail to the highway. After 12 years of making Shambhala the best year ever, in all honesty this year was THE MOST FUN EVER!! If you can handle, dust, dirt, filth, skids, hosers, hippies, camping, raving, loud music, lazers and freaks – this is definitely the party for you – see you next year!

Name: Kenzie Clarke

Occupation: DJ
Biggest turn on: Sense of Humour
Biggest turn off: Zero intelligence
City: Victoria
How long have you lived there?: 6years
Why do you call it home? After having a random sampling of
other local cities (read: Nanaimo), I decided that Victoria was
best suited to my needs (school and shopping and social life).

Best spot…if you’re ballin:

For a meal:
Billy’s Bistro
14 Centennial Square 250-384-2459
or Whitebird
768 Yates Street 250-380-7040

To shop:
Johnson St. boutiques

For a date:
Il Terazzo
555 Johnson Street 250-361-0028

Best spot…if you’re broke:

For a meal:
Hernandez on Yates (5 amazing tacos for 5 bucks=win!!)
734 Yates St. 250-382-5145

To Shop:
Decade
1407 Government Street 250-380-0774
or Value Village

For a date:
Lotus Pond (Vegan/Vegetarian take on many favorite
Asian dishes, menu based on Buddhist principles)
617 Johnson Street 250- 380-9293

Others…

Best spot for a hangover breakfast:
Floyd’s
866 Yates Street 250- 381-5114
or The Blue Fox
101-919 Fort Street 250-380-1683

Best live venue:
Lucky Bar
517 Yates Street 250-382-5825

Best late night joint:
Hmmm…clubs here close at 2am, so I
guess The Joint (an amazing pizza place) would be the best late
night….joint.
1219 Wharf Street (250) 389-2226

Best kept secret:
There are some private chefs in the
Chinatown area of Victoria that open up the lower half of their
homes and serve amazing gourmet meals to you…you bring your own
wine or bevvies and plan to spend quite a while socializing and
enjoying the freshest in local produce and game.

Best spot to dance your ass off?
Lucky Bar for some
dance/indie/live bands,
517 Yates Street 250-382-5825
or Hush for huge international talent
1325 Government Street 250-385-0566

Tourist Trap to avoid?
Wax Museum….ugh….
You’d have to live here to know? How to deal with incessant
panhandling and how to delicately shoo a crack head out of your
garden.

What NOT to miss?
Summer patio styles (an art-form passed on from generation to generation), and Soundwave, a local retreat for young and old…complete with private wilderness campground, 5 stages of local and international dj’s and live musicians, and a perfect view of a west coast sunset that you can witness with 2000 of your closest friends.

It started off pretty innocent. We grabbed Wax Romeo/Mandeep and Kenzie and headed off to Edmonton.

After we made a quick stop to cruise the Dub before hitting the road, the shit started to go south. First Mandeep started doing impressions of brown people for us until we nearly peed our pants.

Once we arrive in Edmonton, we’re told it’s the Rodeo so all the hotels are booked and our Hotel, The Holiday Inn Express has lost our reservation (turns out we got bumped to the West Edmonton Mall location a half hour drive away–Edmonton is laid out all fucked because no one ever thought anyone would survive out here when they first built it).

Luckily, the nice people at the hotel sorted us out and booked us at a rival hotel, the Days Inn. You don’t see that kind of comradery back East for sure, but then again, you don’t see sexy hats either.

So turns out that the only room left was some king of honeymoon suite, which means king-size bed, pull out couch and ta da! Jacuzzi in the living room. Cue porno music.

There was some great stuff on the way to the club too. It was like one old time Western-style rape alley after the next, desolate streets, Saloons and this giant cup. On a side note, I lived in Edmonton the year the Oilers one, and Gretzky was the home town hero. I was also here when he cried like a bitch after getting traded.

My little sister came out to the show. She’s from Edmonton, and going to beauty school. I don’t know if you ever met someone in beauty school, but they’re always trying shit on themselves to practice, so she’s like bikini waxed from chin to toe an got her eyebrows and skin mad tight.

We got to reunite with one of the best DJs in Deadmonton, Shortee. You might remember her from the last blog, she plays vinyl, she’s 4’11″ and she’s dopetastic. I don’t know why they were passing out all the plastic Halloween bling, but Jason (the booker dude) was makin’ us all wear it.

What was good?

They FINALLY got my drink order right. Leave it to Edmonchuck to tighten that one right up.

Kenzie came along for the ride and weaseled her way into 90% of the pictures and 90% of the rider.

Ryan from the Pawn Shop (that’s a bar in Edmonton), came out to represent. He kept going on about taking Mandeep somewhere to do something. We didn’t understand because we don’t speak gay.

Mandeep threw down every single solitary rock and disco club track for the past three decades in an hour and a half. It was so impressive, we almost didn’t think he was human at one point. How can you have that much Abba, Journey, Dee-Light and SWV remixes? How is that volume actually possible in one man, on one dance floor, in one set?

Honourable Mentions: Both Mama Miche and Violca brought the serious DJ pain to a rammed dance floor that just wouldn’t quit.

Jason’s (the promoter) wild hockey announcer enthusiasm on the mic.

Shortee’s Obama shirt. Rockstar energy, strangely just as garbage as Redbull. And a little thing we like to call BLACK POWER!!! George W. Bush was SOOOOOO bad, the most racist country in the world would rather have a black man in charge. Bravo! Bravo.

As I write this blog entry, we’re flying through Red Deer en route to Edmonton listening to Huey Lewis and the News, “Heart And Soul” which is somehow fitting for the prairies. “Hot lovin’ every night” is right Huey.

Where do I start? Getting out of K-Town was rough to say the least. After tearing that joint a new one, we had little to spare for MTL. We stayed with Angelo, our resident hotel and best bud.

Bitchin’ stayed with Matt Rose, who has some sweet crosswords in his bathroom if you ever need to make an emergency stop.

Off to Blue Dog. If you’re not familiar, Blue Dog used to be the drum and bass bar in MTL, but ever since the Team Canada bought the sucker, it’s been all about the up and coming beats on Sundays.

Doug and some other Kingstonians came out to the Montreal date too.

We played with Jordan Dare, one of the most underrated DJs in the country and pretty much the best DJ in Montreal. Thank God he’s also our resident dude.

This might be a good time to mention that stupid hot clothing line, Hellz Bellz is sponsoring our fine asses on the old Get Er Done. They be hooking us up with the freshest gear a lady can get her ass into.

The finger is a common way to say hello in Montreal in case you didn’t know. Both our buddy Andrew MacDonald

and J.Dare greeted us in this manner, which we found jarring at first, but were flattered by once we found out it’s a Quebec term of endearment.

Honourable mentions: Partying till 6am before piling into a car enroute to Tornto’s Pearson airport for the flights out west. Seeing Rita McNeil in the airport but failing to get her to sign the poo log.

Grandtheft throwing down a DJ set for fun.

And of course, Montreal sushi takeout taking 2 hours because Montreal is on Mexican time!

Next up, Edmonton. You better work!

I would write a review, but I wouldn’t hold a candle to our resident amazing photog, Krist Papas. He made all the shit club district people at CiRCA look hot, and the hot people look edible. This guy could turn Paris Hilton into something worth bedding in a snap of hist shudder. How do you like these apples?

Photos: Krist Papas

Oh Toronto, we started off with the best of intentions. Promises were made, then quickly broken and then forgotten like McDonalds refuse thrown from a car window on the highway.

I’ll just cut to the chase here and give you the rundown of the kickoff party at CiRCA. First off, Pink Mafia threw in an iPod battle to sweeten the deal. Teams Cease & Desist, Oligarchy, 3D Specs and Famous Players battled it out while Bitchin’ kept on the ones and twos.

Oligarchy, those Ghost Bustin’ playing bastards won again! Thank you to Universal music, Gelaskins, and CiRCA for providing prizes. Bitchin’ played for five hours or so while MANSION held it down in the main room alongside Thunderheist and Autoertique (the artists formerly known as VNDLSM).

What was good? Keith Lite’s Dick Chaney mask looking a lot more like a dirty old pedder in the corner than a political figure, but somehow that fits perfect.

Marc Smith getting all kinds of lady play once his sumo costume deflated.

Starving Yet Full showing up like ten times the woman I’ll ever be.

Dirty fucking whores by the hundreds dressed as whore-cops, whore-nurses, whore-devils and here we have whore-pirate. There was also just plain whores mixed in too but that’s boring.

Al D dressed in an authentic Toronto Police Officer outfit, complete with bullet proof vest. Which, if you’re keeping score here is two laws broken: impersonating a police officer AND wearing a vest in public. That’s how they got DMX man, it’s no joke.

What was shit? Fat Elvis hitting on me even though I was clearly a skidful dude. No one knowing that me and V were Bill and Ted because everyone is young and clueless.

MANSION being robbed of a dope light show but Autoerotique getting a fantastic one strangely enough, Bitchin’ being asked to play Womanizer by Britney so many times that they caved twice and the request kept coming. Oh and that lineup, for christ’s sake CiRCA, it’s not your first bbq. Sort that mother out would ya.

On a final note, our friend Doug (pictured here) took some of these photos and is also handy on the road. He is helping on the east coast leg, so you might see him around this blog again.

All the Halloween photos were provided by Al D

For More Pics On Clubzone.com click right here.

Everyone who has ever lived in Montreal will tell you the women are gorgeous, the weather is brutal and everyone sleeps around like the world is about to end. It’s a town filled with student/artist-living, perpetually in it’s early twenties at any age. Montreal, much like Mexico, is a beautiful place to visit.

I would be lying through my teeth if I said we took it easy on the French. We weren’t gentle with the the Calgary-cowboys or the Van-mandals or the Bore-ontonians, I can’t see why we’d take it any easier on a bunch of womanizing alcoholics. Truthfully, it was nice to be amongst other like minded individuals.

After 7 shows and ten days on the road, I’d say we’d tightened it up alright.
Brendan opened it up at Blue Dog

and The Royal Society took it from there.

Betti, Bitchin’, Barbi and Fierce still managed to fit in hour-long sets each and even though it was a Sunday, the dancefloor was going off right up to lights on at 3:15am.

Apparently it’s been a long time since they’ve seen that much that late around those parts!

Mad shout out to The Team Canada Guys , DL of Peer Pressure and Angelo (who nursed me back to health on a much needed day off in Montreal), and the lovely Ashlinn for keeping us hydrated.

I’ll leave you with a picture of me in the Blue Dog Peeled Banana Suit that I donned to cheer up an underslept and overworked group of broads on the ones and twos.

Honourable Mentions: Men with shoes but no socks, garbage diving, playing the who-would-you-rather-sleep-with game with the low-aids factor strategy (Prince being the only exception to this rule), gorgeous
lofts reduced to squat housing, laissez-faire attitudes and Will Arnett’s sex tape on repeat.

For more, click here for ClubDose pics or read about us on the RVCA blog

Until next time,
Stay Fit and Have Fun!

Anna Von

We rolled into Toronto like syphilis making a comeback. Having only slept two hours before leaving Deadmonton, and getting seated in kiddie playland on the four hour plane ride, we separated right quick to find dark corners to die in.

After a solid 14 hour catch up nap and a few half-assed remorsefully alcoholic promises never to wrestle that rider again, we were back in the saddle, this time joined by DJ Barbi and rap-pop group, The Royal
Society.

Oh Wrongbar, there ain’t nothing wrong about you. You’re like sex on wheels after a six month stint in the Don. Here’s a pic of the Pink Mafia Street Team, keeping it on lock.

L-R: Mica, Melania, Some Dude, Maddy

Lineup by midnight, hot barmaids busting spontaneous dance moves, and the door girl tossing hangover cookies between taking covers; it was definitely a Get Er Done date.

The ladies of Bitchin’ finally got their time to shine

Dancefloor was poppin ‘ basically all night.

Here’s a pretty picture of Charlie showing off the “Slut” stamp.

To the asshole who stole the slut-stamp: you better fucking save it as a souvenir. If we ever see it used anywhere, we’ll probably feed you your own ass Pink Mafia style. Interested in knowing more on this subject?
Ask around. I’m sure there are plenty of peeps who’d love to tell you exactly what that means.

Maren had a really nice friend named Heather who seemed pretty innocuous at first, then she showed up all skid-night prom queen and we knew we were sorrily mistaken. Here’s a nice one of her and Gay Rob deep throating a Redbull.

The Royal Society were seriously late for their time slot, so they had to go on at the end of the night instead. But it worked out cause the club was bumpin’. First show and they struck gold.

Barbi closed it down like a champ. But Barbi can do anything cause she’s like the best DJ in Toronto, and all you bitches know it.

A little drunk, ok a lot drunk, we stormed off to Fierce’s place for the after party. Which, friends is really just me doing a bit of tour math and the other girls blowing up an air mattress, but we try to sound like party monsters. Here’s a perfect example. This photo is totally innocent. Just reaching for a purse by the couch. But somehow, we manage to make it look grimy, slutty and slightly uncomfortable like an ass car crash you can’t stop staring at.

Worst sleep of my life later, and we’re off to Montreal, Royal Society and Barbi in tow. I rented a mini-van from Thrifty’s, but when we got to the counter, Abdul was already getting torn a new one by some guy who’s car they lost. They didn’t have ours either. After a woman-to-woman chat with the nice lady at the Hertz (no name tag or I’d give a shout out) next door, we got hooked up with a better deal on an Escalade instead.

And THAT is why a) I am the tour manager and b) women be running everyting!

I’ll leave you with this lovely pic of the whole crew (all but me of
course) pulled over at a McDonalds en route to La Belle Province.

For more photos check out party pics on our site, sharkvsbear, and Dose

Holy Edmonton was cold!
Shit bitch, get some summer up in there quick.

We asked some locals what people do in Edmonton and they responded, “try not to get beat up and huff gas”. Rough is an understatement.

The Pawn Shop is the spot there and Ryan hooked us up proper

DJs Short N’ Sweet opened for us. They are both of those things. Mad  shout out to Lydia who is the dopest jam in Deadmonton by far.

On a side note, Fierce Helder is a big hit with the everyone on this tour. First she picked up sandals man at the liquor store in Kelowna, then all the Mexican cowboys in Calgary were trying to get her digits,
we get to Edmonton, and ladies are wearing her name on their tat tats. As her manager, I’ve taken to carrying a big stick with me everywhere I go just in case I have to pimp smack someone.

Everything was dolby, or rather, all okay. The sets were great, the crowd was poppin’. The after party at the hotel was reasonably manageable, Edmonton really pulled through.

Here’s a pic of Betti with her two pals Lexi and I forget,but he was
awesome.

And here’s one of an Edmonton scenester. They are everywhere. See.

Honourable mentions: Finally finding a Starbucks so i didn’t die of bitchdom. the first real meal in two days. The Arrow bus service being surprisingly pleasant with WiFi AND they played a movie called, “In The Land Of Women” which is basically about Meg Ryan’s crazy duck lips from what i can gather. Oh, and Foosh. The best store in Edmonton. They hooked us up with dope-ass tees and the staff were bangin’!

Also check out Dose for more party pics