The Toronto Inside Out LGBT film Festival officially starts May 17th and goes to May 27th. Everything from screenings, artist talks, panel discussions, installations and parties. So many events for everyone to check out. This LINK gives you a tease to movie trailers for the films this year. You can follow them on Twitter @InsideOutTO

The Festival started in 1991 out from “a small community of people who yearned to see film and video created by and about lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans (LGBT) people.” It is now Canada’s largest festival of it’s kind and in the top five world wide. Over 200 films and videos from Canada and around the world will be welcome to the over 35,000 who attend. In short, The Toronto Inside Out LGBT Film Festival has a reputation “as an international leader in the presentation of queer film.” This year, the Festival celebrates their theme of “Fearless, Shameless, Timeless” with films that have come from international film makers. There is so much to see, and do this year. My blog is merely the surface of what is available this year at the Festival.

Happy 4.20 to all you beautiful degenerates

To celebrate this illustrious day, highly esteemed by Canadian’s everywhere, Snoop Dogg is sending everyone a very special message brought to you by Vice and Noisey.

#Snoop420 Baby!

Well peeps, it’s getting down the wire with CBC’s Cover Me Canada If you didn’t get a chance to catch the show last Sunday night on CBC at nine, then sit back and let me fill you in on some of the juicier bits. I promise, not to spoil TOO much if you aren’t quite up to speed on where the contest is at this exact moment in time.

The show has kept the competitors going with challenges to cover great Canadian music. Sunday, Oct 23, Episode 6 of the show, came with a twist. Paul Anka a Canadian music legend in the music industry, was a guest judge on the show. He got to decide the fate of the competitors. He gave ALL bands immunity to continue to Episode 7.

Paul Anka’s career expands as far back to the 1960s. Performing his own music is just the start of what he has done. He has written iconic songs for highly regarded artists in the music industry. Frank Sinatra would have not had his signature song, “My Way” if Paul Anka had not translated the song from French to English. Tom Jones sung “She’s a Lady”, so well, he had women throwing their underwear on the stage when he was performing.

This new Immunity Twist was only for Episode 6. The bands STILL have to create their own hype to gain immunity, and ultimately, become the winners of the contest. Up for grabs? “A $100,000 cash prize, a recording contract for their first original single to be released by Universal Music Canada, as well as featured airplay of their single on CBC Radio.”

Each of the bands was to cover one of Paul Anka’s songs. Remember folks, these song are chosen by the show. The contestants have to work with whatever they are given as the challenge. The competitors do NOT have it easy. This contest is pushing these bands to new creative limits.

Melanie Morgan Band

O my Melanie Morgan did Puppy Love with wild abandon. I loved her firey red dress and sexy look when she approached the mic. Her performance was so hot, it could have melted cinnamon heart candies.

Whos Army

Ron Fair and and Paul Anka raved about the musical arrangement of Lonely Boy The lead singer added his guitar stylings with the band. They rocked out hard and LOUD on the tune. The crowd, as always, went crazy for their home grown Toronto band.

Ali Milner

Ali Milner, gave a “ska” shake down to the song Put your head on My Shoulder She incorporated her unique jazz style approach to her performance. She is a lot of fun to watch, and you can tell she’s really having fun at what she’s doing.

Warren Dean Flandez

Diana became “dirty” Diana, according to judges Deborah Cox and Jordan Knight. I agree. He delivered a perfect gothic love song. His strong, soul sound echoed in his voice even though the arrangement was quite dark.

The eVe of Halloween

The benefit for all of Episode’s 6′s efforts are showcased with 4 bands,instead of just 3, performing and collaborating. Episode 7, “Celebrity Mentors Behind the Scenes” on Oct 30, 2011, Cover Me Canada posted proudly on their website.

“Tonight’s episode of Cover Me Canada will feature appearances from Alannah Myles, David Clayton-Thomas (Blood, Sweat and Tears), Alan Frew (Glass Tiger), Brian Vollmer (Helix) and Bill Henderson (Chilliwack).” Basically, the twist this week was totally brutal. The bands had to sing WITH the Originial Artist. But they had a “BONUS: George Stroumboulopoulos will add some real-talk smoothness tonight as a guest judge. If you aren’t looking forward to that, then we fear you have a heart of glass.”

Ron Fair said it at the beginning of the show “Do the math. Four bands, three weeks, only one will win.” Rumour has it that the bands who have been sent home, will be coming back. Who won immunity? Who was sent home at the end of Episode 7?

To answer that question click here By the time of this blog’s publish date all would have been revealed. The four bands were collaborating, and performing duets with Canadian Music Alumni from the retro era’s of the 60′s to the 80′s. I wasn’t sitting in the audience this time, but I kept track watching it at home.

Who’s Army harmonic interpretation of Someday joined forces with Alan Frew from Glass Tiger Lead singer Travis Wood’s focused performance blended so well with the genuine meaning behind the tune.

Melaine Morgain delivered Heavy Metal Love with Brian Vollmer of Helix so well, she made you forget that she was a country singer. 180 degree difference in her performance from week six. It was fun to watch the entire band get into the song and really perform.

Alannah Myles and Ali Milner, performed Black Velvet with Ali behind the piano. Ali had big shoes to fill, sitting beside the rock godess of 80′s Canadian music. I loved hearing these two women perform together.

Warren Dean Flandez sang Youve Made Me So Very Happy with David Clayton-Thomas . It had that same feeling as the original, with a 2011 punch. WDF, as known by his followers, really looked like he was having a blast on stage.

GO VOTE!

This is a GREAT opportunity to start following, tweeting, liking and sharing. If you are already a fan then you already know what to do. Get your favourite bands “social media score” the highest for them to win immunity. Just click HERE to vote!

words by shona
photo credit Emile Faga

I like to pretend I’m a pretty cool girl. I feel like I can remain calm, cool and collected when faced with any type of situation. And then TYGA came to Winnipeg. Lets just say I lost my cool.

Since we’ve come this far we all know that Jay-Z is number one in my heart. But as of last summer I haven’t been able to get enough of Young Money/Cash Money in my ear. I first became addicted to Birdman (creator, father and all that is holy to Young Money Entertainment) when I moved to Toronto in 2007 and my living quarters supplied BET on the TV. I watched 106 & Park like it was a requirement for every class I was attending at U of T. And throughout this year Birdman was dominating the countdown. POPPIN CHAMPAGNE. Anyways, I began to follow Young Money Entertainment and really got into it last year when Drake, Nicki Minaj and TYGA began reppin’ Young Money.  Obviously Drake’s great, our little Canadian child-star but the man with the tiger stripped pants kept catching my eye. That man was none other than TYGA. Tyga is 21 years old, born in Compton and is Chris Brown’s best friend. Need I say more? YES? Ok then, he’s cute as pie, reps his Cali love daily, has a mash up with Adele and is fully covered in tattoos. Oh! and in some of his earlier videos he had white girls in them.. there’s still hope for me.

Tyga came to Winnipeg on May 29th, only a week after my 22nd birthday. I clearly treated myself to a 40$ ticket and lined up outside of the bar dreaming about our future together. Now HERE is where I loose my cool. I sip on some beer, while the opening act performs. I’m totally aware that I don’t want to be too drunk for the show because I want to  saver every minute of it. I creep to the front of the stage and prepare for Tyga’s arrival. He erupts onto the stage, and I look like a Michael Jackson fan on the day of his funeral. COMPLETE HYSTERICS. Ok it wasn’t that bad, but I definitely wasn’t acting cool. I was rapping along, throwing  my hands in the air and even trying to make DIRECT EYE CONTACT with the TYGA. And yes, I painfully admit I was one of those girl trying to reach out and touch him. NOT COOL. I never really understood why people did this. Like cut through all the bull and I am really into Tyga’s music and am excited to see him perform my favourite songs. I don’t need to touch him.. yet there I was acting a fool hand reaching out towards him. Then he comes to my side of the stage and returns my direct eye contact and interlocks his fingers in mine. Let’s just say I’ve lived a full life now. And then this hand holding happens again. I think in the rap community this means Tyga and I are officially dating? I don’t know I’m still waiting for a text back.
But, sincere apologies to all those who witnessed my hysterics, who stood beside me and listened to me rap, who stood behind me and watched me jump up and down and to my friends who will never hear the end of this. Oh and of course I apologize in advance to anyone who ever shakes my left hand because CLEARLY i’ve decided to never wash it again.
*I need to work on being cooler.

I have an obsession with Karl Lagerfeld. To me he’s the epitome of greatness and he’s gangster as f**k.

I treat his book,  The Karl Lagerfeld Diet, as my bible and I try to follow his anecdotes religiously. If you’ve heard anything about him beyond his fashion god status, it was probably whispers about his diet. The only thing Karl allows his precious body to consume is Diet Coca-Cola and crackers. Like the man says,

“I drink diet coke and nothing else, night and day.”

How inspirational is he? He makes me want to hook up a Diet Coke IV so I can be skinny, rich and fashionable. It’s only fitting with that kind of product plug that Lagerfeld is taking his relationship with Diet Coke to the next level. They’re officially going steady.

Lagerfeld is launching a campaign for the diet soda. His analogy is that no girl is the same, so the Diet Coke bottle should cater to that. He focuses on three different girls with three specific bottles for their personalities. So precious. I wish he were running for Prime Minister of my world.

Not to mention one of the ladies is Coco Rocha. Hello Canada.

Happy JUNO week ya’ll! For those who appreciate the stellar music our many talented artists have put forth this past year, the time for their recognition is upon us! The 2011 JUNO Awards will air this Sunday, March 27 at 8pm on CTV.

To be perfectly honest, I use to watch award shows only for the performances, and even that was painful. In recent years I’ve pathetically committed to watching the full broadcasts and while most of them give you bedsores, the Junos will run only two-and-a-half hours including the “special extended broadcast”. It actually looks like it could be entertaining, not to mention easy on the eyes! Drake, our dapper host for the evening, will be joined by presenters Royal Wood, Buck 65, Metric, Classified, Feist and Shad to name a few.

The entertainment highlights for the evening include the heavily favoured Arcade Fire, Broken Social Scene (and if you consider who is also presenting, should be big), Chromeo and Down With Webster with Tokyo Police Club added to close out the night. I heard something about Chilly Gonzales and a special appearance with Drake, but who knows what that means! Also, in true Rita and Friends form, Blue Rodeo’s Jim Cuddy, City and Colour, Derek Miller, Greg Keelor, Justin Rutledge, Sarah Harmer, Sarah Slean and The Sadies will all team up in a tribute to some of Canada’s most talented artists.

For shits, I’ve guesstimated the winners for some of the night’s top awards below. (Full list of nominees here.)

ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Put your money on: Arcade Fire
‘The Suburbs’ just took home the Grammy for the same category, but it wouldn’t shock me one bit if the judges come down with a case of Bieber fever. The next serious contender would be Drake, but overall ‘Thank Me Later’ ranked lower with critics and in sales.

ARTIST OF THE YEAR
Put your money on: Arcade Fire
In my opinion Neil Young takes this award, but how hilarious would it be if Justin Bieber swooped in and won? Neil closed the Olympic winter games and performed on the final episode of The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien last year but will that be enough to relieve the industry’s mega boner for Arcade Fire? Probably not.

GROUP OF THE YEAR
Put your money on: Arcade Fire
I find it amazing that Down With Webster was even nominated and sit in this category, but good on them! Really it is just a toss up between Broken Social Scene and Arcade Fire. Given the world-wide acclaim Arcade Fire has received over Broken Social Scene in the last year though it is sort of a no-brainer.

NEW GROUP OF THE YEAR
Put your money on: Hollerado
Seriously, who doesn’t love this band? 2010 was most definitely the year of the nacho. They’ve been featured on the Bravo! series Playlist Uncut, had their songs in various Rogers commercials and had that amazing “human 8-bit” video for ‘Americanarama’ – no, not the Dave Foley one, even though that one is hilarious.

ALTERNATIVE ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Put your money on: Broken Social Scene
I’d personally love to see Tokyo Police Club take home the prize for ‘Champ’ however they’re up against Polaris Prize winners Karkwa and Broken Social Scene and oh yeah, Arcade Fire. ‘Forgiveness Rock Record’ was more than just a solid addition to their discography and in the past years Broken Social Scene have proven they are far more than just a band inspiring film, literature and art.

ROCK ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Put your money on: Cancer Bats
How great will it be when Cancer Bats win this award? ‘Bears, Mayors, Scraps & Bones’ was a violently heavy listening alternative to the waves of indie/surf/stoner rock we were flooded with last year, plus their ‘Sabotage’ cover is guaranteed to make you smirk. I’ll be damned if Finger Eleven walks away the winner.

RAP RECORDING OF THE YEAR
As much as this pains me to write, put your money on: Drake
Strictly in terms of sales and critical acclaim (and causing a near riot upon the release of ‘Thank Me Later’), Drake definitely dominates over D-Sisive and Ghettosocks. If Santa Claus was real and there was an Easter Bunny this award would go to Shad.

DANCE RECORDING OF THE YEAR
Put your money on: Deadmau5
How did Keshia Chante even wiggle her way into this category? No matter, as one of the top-ranked DJs in the world, Deadmau5 has this category beat over performers Chromeo. The reaction I still get when I tell non-Canadians he’s from Toronto kills me.

VIDEO OF THE YEAR
Put your money on: Michael Maxxis
Michael Maxxis mixes rag-doll puppets with a Texas Chainsaw Massacre vibe in the nightmarish video for Billy Talent’s ‘Saint Veronika’. The lighting and the colour scheme is creepily brilliant! Shout out to my neighbour Chris Mills though.

MUSIC DVD OF THE YEAR
Put your money on: Scot McFadyen, Sam Dunn, Pegi Cecconi, Noah Segal, Shelley Nott, John Virant for Rush: Beyond The Lighted Stage
If you’ve been to my house in the past year and I’ve tried to send you home with Rush: Beyond the Lighted Stage, I’m so not sorry because it is absolutely amazing. In fact, I’m going to watch it again. Right now!

ELECTRONIC ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Put your money on: Caribou
I have a soft spot for Holy Fuck’s kitten video for ‘Red Lights’, but Caribou was in my top 10 for best albums of 2010 and I’m almost usually never wrong.

So, there you have it folks. Be sure the catch the awards on Sunday night and check back in with Pink Mafia for our coverage. Follow Kay Laser (@KayLaser) and Courtney Yip (@courtneyleeyip) and @pinkmafia4life for their live tweets from the red carpet and inside the awards where they’ll be rubbing elbows with the crème de la crème of Canadian music.

Words by Kate Masewich

Is there honestly anything I like more than Jay-Z and models? FOR-SURE A RHETORICAL QUESTION. If you open up The Blonde Poncho’s bible you’ll find blonde hair clippings and pictures of Jigga. My love for Jay-Z is so unconditional that he can do no wrong. He marries Beyonce, even though I want to be his wife. That’s fine. He becomes best friends with token white guy, Chris Martin, even though I’m dying to be his friend. I let it slide. (PS WORLD THERE ARE SO MANY COOLER WHITE PEOPLE THAN CHRIS MARTIN) He’s in the works of opening up a chicken wing restaurant, even though I’m a vegetarian. It doesn’t matter. He is my Biggie. He is my Tupac.

HE IS JAY-Z.

Anyways, now that you know how I really feel.. I’ll tell you I also love models. I don’t even know if I need to explain this one? What fashion obsessed blonde girl doesn’t love Jessica Stam?

So when I heard the news that Jay-Z was about to employ model Harley Viera-Newton I was intrigued. Two worlds colliding. I didn’t care what the position was for a secretary/water cooler supplier/sneaker cleaner..it didn’t matter. Knowing Jay, this would be an interesting collabo no matter what. And then I found out that he signed her on to Roc Nation as an artist. WOAH. SO STOKED.

WHAT WHAT WHAT?

Currently Harley is a part-time model and part-time in house DJ for Dior Beauty. And it doesn’t hurt that she’s also the Beauty Ambassador for them. Her life sounds full time fantastic. And now she’s about to join the Roc Nation famillia. This girl has got it MADE.

What. the. hell. was. that.

Now that we all begin to thaw and our lips stop chattering at the very thought of going outside, let’s stop for a moment and reflect on the myriad ways we tried to not freeze so far this winter.

Womp womp.

It’s interesting, actually. After theorizing Canadian Girl Syndrome for years I happened across an important discovery: it works in reverse, too. (Canadian Girl Syndrome, if you’re wondering, is the premature reappropriation of summer attire. You know, the girls wearing sweat skirts (barf), bare legs and Uggs the first time it stops being freezing in, like, March.)

I musn’t've been the only person to notice the early proliferation of Canada Goose parkas (unzipped, mind you) that started cropping up around, oh, I don’t know, November first. Admittedly, whatever temperature it was then, it must have felt positively balmy in comparison to -50. Gee, thanks Mother Nature!

But still, how do we feel about these? I completely understand utility. I know people who have lived in their parkas throughout our multiple freak blizzards and harrowingly low temperatures. But I remain rooted in my conviction that we look like a city of Michelin (Wo)men walking around. No matter how many others may contend differently. Not only are they the new ‘hip,’ uniquely Canadiana-branded garb, they’re popular all over the interwebz and the southern half of the continent. Whether you’re wearing a sleeping bag or something with faux fur, it’s true:  the right coat will even bring out the beauty in every woman.

Ok, hyperbole aside. Pros: I feel as though I’m constantly scolding people for dressing appropriately, and frankly, there are loads of times when the only (weather) appropriate thing to wear are your staple Sorrel’s and an anorak. But there’s a huge difference between retaining warm-weather satorial dignity and, well… not.

Cute. And cool. I mean not cool. I mean warm. And then, not cool.

SJP, come on girl. Even Regina couldn’t really get away with it, yet you’ve compounded the awful.

Yet, what are our other options? Our staple TNA had a paucity of down-filled warm coats to choose from, which was a bummer. True story, too, that what they did have looked better (and warmer) in Canada Goose. (Mind you, they did stock this coat—legit cashmere? yes please!—and if my closet weren’t overflowing with coats I would have loved to give it a good home.)

Not a smart look, girls.

While I personally prefer the bag-lady, wear-every-warm-layer-you-own look, I recognize that this can be a bit cumbersome for a lot of people. It’s not really practical unless you don’t do much more outdoor activity besides standing to wait for the bus, and then walking to class, and then standing and waiting for the bus, and then standing and waiting for the bus, or even standing and waiting for the streetcar.

But, seriously here, there are lots of creative ways to style being frozen. Military coats allow you to bulk up with sweaters and things underneath—good for staying warm when you’re out, good for de-layering when you move inside. Despite anything disparaging I may have said about wool coats, they’re still practical and warm (and only a little boring, sometimes). And if you dare to brave the sidewalks in fur, at least I don’t think an activist will spray you with red paint anymore. One would hope.

As usual, however, too much of a decent thing has this weird way of turning into a “thing.” A brief ‘this is why we can’t have nice (warm) things’ nod before I admit to myself that the flurry of down-filled puffer coats has inevitably lead to such fashion traumas as (natch) doggie-puffers (whyyyy…) and the mental resurrection of that sorriest of down-filled disasters, the puffy vest.

Oh dear goodness why.

So let this be due warning, ladies. While we all go relish this comparative heat-wave and frolic in the sun, the next burst of Arctic-ity is just around the corner. I know it sucks, but I’m confident that we can get through these next few months but the winter only seems endless. Plus, it’s not like we didn’t know it was coming. Which leaves you with no excuse to bemoan poor winter-wear. Sometimes you need function over fashion. But there’s no need to walk around looking like Keanu.

After weeks of unlimited indulgence, my own turkey neck is wobbling a bit more than I’d like to admit. Numerous times we hear someone sharing that they can have whiskey in their morning coffee or 4 pieces of pie followed by the explanation “it’s the holidays” – which really isn’t much of an excuse. Whether your doing it because you actually make New Year’s Resolutions or because the muffin top on your jeans belongs in Texas, lightening up your diet come January is usually a good decision. As any form of strict regimen gives me flashbacks of teen angst and rebellion here’s the top 5 foods to include in your diet in 2011.

1. Avocado- This is the salmon of vegetables (well fruits really). Rich in polyunsaturated omega fatty acids, as well as a slew of vitamins. A serving for a woman is 1/4, men 1/2. I can eat a whole one jazzed up with lemon and salt. Use restraint.

2.Kale- One of the best vegetables because you can gorge yourself on it and it will do nothing but good. Rich in fibre, calcium, iron, folic acid, and vitamins A and C. Saute with olive oil, and shallot for 5 minutes and top with toasted pine nuts.

3. Salmon- Do I even have to go here? It’s the best. Eat it twice a week. But PLEASE go for wild or at least organic. Farm fed fish have up to 75% less nutrients.

4. Quinoa- Miracle grain. Quinoa is the Justin Bieber of food, everyone’s obsessed. A complete source of protein as well as a boatload of fibre. Read package directions and squeeze lemon over it. Or use it in place of rice in risotto.

5. Watermelon- Watermelon can have a high glycemic index so watch how much. BUUT it has one-third of a day’s vitamins A and C and a nice shot of potassium for only 85 fat-free, salt-free calories. Eat away. Orr if you’re feeling frisky make a salad with cubed watermelon, red onion, and feta cheese.

This is one of the freshest most delicious dinners ever. Use leftovers for a really good salad with a little arugala or romaine and and a squeeze of lime

Fish Tacos

For Fish:

2 Tilapia filets (or another firm white fish)

1/2 cup orange juice

Juice of half lime

1 jalapeno

2 cloves garlic

Corn or flour tortillas

1. Clean any membranes off the fish and season each side with salt and pepper. Set in a bowl or deep platter.

2. Whiz the rest of the ingredients in a food processor (or blender, or magic bullet), poor over the fish. Cover with plastic wrap and let marinate in the fridge for 30 min- 2 hours. Remove from marinade and discard

3. Sear in a a pan with 2 tsp vegetable oil or grill, 2-3 minutes on each side.

4. Warm tortillas between 2 paper towels in the microwave for 30 seconds. Break apart the fish. Serve fish with toppings.

Toppings:

Sliced Red Cabbage (seriously so good)

Salsa (2 tomatoes chopped + 1/2 small red onion chopped+ 1/4 cup cilantro chopped+ squeeze of lime mix it all together)

Avocado Cilantro Guacamole (1- 2 avocados + 2 tbsp chopped red onion+ lemon juice to taste+ 1/4 cup cilantro chopped. Mash either lightly til chunky

The Tales of a Canadian Girl Living in Southern Virginia

By: Kimberley Cuachon-Haugh

I love this column for the reason that I am able to share with all of you the ridiculous bullshit that I encounter on a daily basis here in Hampton Roads, Virginia.  As disconnected as the region is where all the cities strive for nothing more than being individual from the other, it clearly mirrors the majority of the people in the area that lack the synapse to prevent them from acting like such dumb asses.

Lend your ear if you will to this crap.  My husband and I headed to Virginia Beach Town Center, about 20 minutes away from home.  Running late for the 8 p.m. comedy show that we were invited to by Quincy Carr himself, we were turned away at the door at 8:10 p.m. due to “lack of attendance”.  Yes, let me paraphrase, we were not let into the comedy club because the turnout was weak.  After my husband said, “But we’re here to spend money on food and drinks” they still refused to let us in.  While trying to make sense of all that was going on—I still can’t fucking understand it—I managed to divulge that I was writing about the evening’s show.  Due to the manager’s lack of education and perhaps reading ability, he wouldn’t let us walk through the door.

Allow me to paint the picture for you.  The bar was completely empty, heck, the servers were drinking and hanging out.  It was d-e-a-d and they still refused our business.  The obese manager would rather continue trying to get his underage waitress drunk in order to bone her (hopefully) by the end of the night.  In order to defend himself, the manager stated that they have been seating for the past hour and a half.  My question to that: Who the hell were they seating?  Did I mention that The Funny Bone has a policy that all attendees must call to make reservations ahead of time (for which we did)?

The more I thought about it, the more ridiculous the manager’s reasoning sounded.  We were not allowed in because the computers were closed down and we had to be issued a ticket, but yet we had complimentary tickets from the comedian himself and that would not be accepted because the theater is not full because hardly anyone came out for the show.  Are you with me?  Does this sound ridiculous?

What floors me is that people are still being left in awe as they continue to ask the questions such as:  Why does no one know anything about Hampton Roads?  Why is this area not striving?  Why are we not evolving into the competitive market that we should be?  Let me answer those questions in three words: Country bumpkin mentality.  There’s no sense of urgency, there’s no sense of surpassing expectations, there’s no sense of sense.  As a girl living in the US for the first time ever, I pray to God, Buddha, and anyone else who may be up there that Americans cannot be this fuckin’ stupid?  Right?  What’s scary is that the largest naval base in the world is located here.  Great, dumb fucks with guns, “America the great”?

Tales of a Canadian Girl Living in Southern Virginia….

By: Kim Cuachon-Haugh

Last week I went in for my six-month dental cleaning.  Now, I have been to this dentist before but yet again they had me fill out the new patient forms just as I did six months ago.  And so I succumbed to the tedious forms, “No I have not been diagnosed with HIV; No I do not suffer from any respiratory difficulties….”

After all that nonsense I was sat in the dental chair, enter the dentist and he said, “Oh, I remember you, you’re that Canadian.”  That Canadian?  Really?  I quickly ran through the latest Canadian news I caught upon and I don’t remember my name or face being associated with anything illegal or humiliating.  And then I realized that maybe I was his only Canadian patient.  I felt kind of special right then and there even when he went on and on about the CFL which I could care less about, just like most Canadians—unless you live in the Prairies.

With the spit sucker in my left cheek he jumped right into the Raptors and how this NBA team is nowhere near the other teams in the league because of its rookie players.  I really wanted to bow this shit out of the water and totally debunk this, I love Chris Bosh!  But I had heavy suction happening.

A few days ago I was the floor manager for a pilot being shot in Arlington and as is customary working on set with new people you intro yourself and that brief relationship grows with every re-take.  And so I went on with my I am a Canadian spiel.  I instantaneously became a point of interest to everyone on set.  One of the camera guys came up to me in between a take to ask me where in Canada I was from and tried to regurgitate as much info about Canada as he could.  While he thought Toronto was on the west coast, he certainly receives an A for effort.

Living in Canada I repeatedly heard about how ignorant Americans can be, but I guess over the last week or so I experienced it firsthand.  A dentist, a man in media, these people are not your average country bumpkins, how do they not know about us?  It’s a shame that a couple of people can ruin it for many but quite frankly one of the only reasons why Canada has any resonance here in America is because of the Olympics and that the Winter Games were held in Vancouver.  I can’t tell you how many people tell me how much they want to visit British Columbia, many of which cannot even remember the name Vancouver or British Columbia, they just call it “The place where the last Olympics were held.”

Geez, okay.  This is what I have to deal with.  While I certainly enjoy the attention of being “that Canadian” or time and again “the Canadian” it’s quite pathetic that we Canadians lack a presence here.  The only real existence that has any ounce of meaning is the fact that you can pick up a case of Molson Canadian at any 7 Eleven, something I admit is kind of cool.

Tales of a Canadian living in Southern Virginia…

By Kimberley Cuachon-Haugh

Excessive wait times in ERs made front page news last weekend in The Virginian-Pilot outlining a new SOP Medicare is rolling out.  Living in the US now for a year, I am still baffled as to how healthcare works in this country—insurance (or lack thereof), co-pays, claims, reimbursements etc.  In fact, after my first physical that I had here I walked right out the door and the receptionist came running after me for my credit card.

With every American that I have dove into a conversation with thus far, the two topics of discussion that go hand-in-hand are: high taxes and “free” healthcare in Canada.  Whenever my husband jumps into the conversation, after I brag about how nice it is to not have to worry about whether or not your personal budget permits you to go to the walk-in, he emphasizes that healthcare, without question, is something that Canadians truly do pay for.  The average American is deducted 26–30% on their taxes, whereas Torontonians max out at 29% Federal tax and 11.6% on Provincial Tax, not to mention the 13% HST that everyone has to deal with.  When I use these stats I always get the “oh my God, how do people live?” question.  And to mess with whomever I’m speaking with even more, I throw in that we have a one-year maternity and paternity leave.

But getting back to the topic, when Obama passed the new healthcare policy a man-on-the-street type interview was done gathering comments from anyone who heard about the new bill.   A gentleman was inflamed and said that if he doesn’t care about taking care of himself, why should other people be forced to take care of him?  Laughingly I realized that he had a point.  I remember when the no-smoking ban was being passed Torontonians were cursing smokers who were voluntarily putting their lives at risk and were selfishly not only clogging their lungs, but hospitals, and in turn healthcare funds.  Americans want choice—they always do—and Canadians have it all but are growing more and more frustrated about the blanket mentality where everyone is being kept warm by the government, even though there are those who shouldn’t be.

Sad to say, health is just another business here in the United States, and because of that clinics are doing everything they can to keep you as their customer.  Flipping through local and regional newspapers and magazines here, I am astounded at the number of health related advertisements: OB/GYNs, general practices, and so on.  I do very much enjoy the over-the-top customer service that I receive each time: on-time appointments (that has never happened to me in Toronto), friendly-reminder calls to confirm appointments, after-hours answering services, heck, I even got invited to my gynecologist’s family gathering.

Looking at it now the philosophy is still the same whether or not you live in the US or Canada that in the long run, we’ll fuck you.  America: “We have great service, we’ll make your appointments as convenient as possible, we’ll even call you to see how it’s going, but if you don’t have the cash here’s all the paperwork to fill out, good luck to ya and move the hell on, brother.”  Canada: “Everything is free, however, if you want anything more than the basic you will have to pay out of your own pocket, we’re sorry about the 9-hour wait times in the ER, and are totally unbiased opinion on who should or shouldn’t get healthcare, so in the end if you don’t end up getting all that we have taxed you for social healthcare, you’re at a loss.”  And that’s how it rolls.  If I may leave you with something, there is a hospital here that allows you to look up wait times on the internet and pay $24.99 to hold a place in line at the ER.  Talk about the American dream.

It’s been weeks of waiting, and  finally, we have a winner.

Since June, the Polaris Prize has once again been baiting Canadian music lovers with the ever-present question of–who will it be? And more importantly, why will they win?

The prize consists of a $20,000 cash prize, as well as the fame and recognition that comes with being crowned as Canada’s creator of that year’s album with the most artistic merit. This is something that seems to be lost on a lot of people. There’s always a rift when the long, then short lists are announced.

Why the hell are there “mainstream” acts? Isn’t it supposed to be about “emerging” artists? Why are people nominated more than once? How could you even possibly let someone win more than once? The list of questions goes on.

Let’s be clear: the award is not about being an emerging artist. It’s not about being super Canadian, or fitting into a group that the jury wants to throw it’s support behind because of gender, race or language. Polaris is entirely about artistic merit of the album. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been nominated/won multiple times (as was seen in this year’s short list)–no, the jury is entirely focused on the art of your record, and ultimately its value to the Canadian music-consuming audience.

This could not have been better displayed than with the 2010 winner–Karkwa, for their album Les Chemins de Verre. Fresh and barely speaking English out of Montreal, this Francophone group won over the hearts of the Polaris Jury; much to everyone’s surprise.

In an upset that may rival when Chad Van Gaalen didn’t win the Prize for the second time (we can, much to my dismay, now add Shad to this list)–this year’s announcement has once again proven that you cannot predict this prize. In fact, it seems everyone but my good friend Rob Duffy from Eye Weekly thought it would be someone else taking home the prize.

There is no one thing that guarantees you’re going to win. There’s no formula, no niche you can fill that will necessarily win over the jury to crown you King or Queen of Canadian music.

This is what I love about the Polaris Prize.

There is something so distinctly Canadian of the “Where’s Waldo?” of Canadian music and media that was played in the Masonic Temple during the gala that you absolutely can feel the love and admiration that our entertainment industry has for not only the prize, but for those we nominate.

The performances were absolutely amazing. Owen Pallett still proved that he could have easily won the prize a second time for his album Heartland just as much as Shad deserved to win for TSOL. Leaving the gala, I was truly blown away by the depth and breadth of the Canadian music industry. Having all ten nominees play showcased the array of talents that we are able to produce as a country. Whether we’re listening to The Besnard Lakes prog-rock, or Caribou’s psychedelic beats, there is no way to deny that every single person who got on stage at the gala deserved to win a prize. (Including, it would seem Grant Lawrence, who I called out for having a rad jheri curl, and Dan Mangan, who I nominated for cutest nominee).

Hell, even Broken Social Scene and Tegan and Sara (who both seemed to be contensious nominees) absolutely blew the roof off with their performances. Especially when T&S had Owen Pallett on stage for the ultimate threesome of Canadian music.

Despite what people argue–Canadians love their music, and love to support it. The $20,000 is not meant to get a band off the ground–it’s meant to help them continue to make music and contribute to our cultural economy in the same way they did with the record that won them the prize.

In sitting through tonight’s gala, through the throngs of press and media trying to gage who was going to win before the show, or grilling Karkwa after the fact about if they knew they’d win, I took a step back to really admire the decision for their record to win this year.

In a prize that has been largely dominated by English-speaking/recording bands, this year has really shown that the Polaris Prize is truly about the music. I know, I know. Everyone says it’s “about the music” but I truly believe that after tonight.

In their press conference following the gala, the band actively acknowledged the fact that nearly everyone in the room had no idea what they were saying in their lyrics, but were so grateful that the jury saw the album for its universal contribution to music, and not for its Francophone language barrier. Indeed, though many will be surprised that Karkwa were awarded the prize (as they were truly the underdogs) it cannot be argued that their music transcends language and is actually just incredible to listen to.

If you haven’t already, you should check them out. Turns out they’re kind of a big deal.

All photos by Courtney Lee Yip, more from the 2010 Polaris Gala below!

Creeping on Kevin Drew enjoying some munchies from Shanghai Cowgirl

Free for all interview time in the Masonic Temple’s Red Room (where the jury would eventually be locked to make their decision on the winner)

Caribou’s Daniel Snaith and some witty banter from CBC Radio 3′s Grant Lawrence

Owen Pallett and one of many string sections that made appearances this year

Gentleman Reg enjoying an incredible set by the Sadies

The Besnard Lakes, this photographer’s personal favourite

Caribou’s electric set

Radio Radio’s stylish dance moves

Stealing a moment with Daniel Snaith (Caribou)

Fucked Up (Last year’s winners) present the new recipients

Polaris founder Steve Jordan and the Media eagerly await Karkwa at the Winner’s Press Conference

Photos: Courtney Lee Yip, Words: Siobhan Ozege