Everyone who has ever lived in Montreal will tell you the women are gorgeous, the weather is brutal and everyone sleeps around like the world is about to end. It's a town filled with student/artist-living, perpetually in it's early twenties at any age. Montreal, much like Mexico, is a beautiful place to visit. I would be lying through my teeth if I said we took it easy on the French. We weren't gentle with the the Calgary-cowboys or the Van-mandals or the Bore-ontonians, I can't see why we'd take it any easier on a bunch of womanizing alcoholics. Truthfully,...

We rolled into Toronto like syphilis making a comeback. Having only slept two hours before leaving Deadmonton, and getting seated in kiddie playland on the four hour plane ride, we separated right quick to find dark corners to die in. After a solid 14 hour catch up nap and a few half-assed remorsefully alcoholic promises never to wrestle that rider again, we were back in the saddle, this time joined by DJ Barbi and rap-pop group, The Royal Society. Oh Wrongbar, there ain't nothing wrong about you. You're like sex on wheels...

Holy Edmonton was cold! Shit bitch, get some summer up in there quick. We asked some locals what people do in Edmonton and they responded, "try not to get beat up and huff gas". Rough is an understatement. The Pawn Shop is the spot there and Ryan hooked us up proper DJs Short N' Sweet opened for us. They are both of those things. Mad  shout out to Lydia who is the dopest jam in Deadmonton by far. On a side note, Fierce Helder is a big hit with the everyone on this tour. First she picked up sandals man at the liquor store in...

Oh Calgary, you were so much hotter when we were still just courting. The first couple of dates were great, and now that your all comfortable in this relationship, suddenly you're showing up to watch movies in jogging pants and sandals. It's just to soon to show us your back zits and all. Calgary was a bit of a roller coaster ride. Let me start with the drive. It was all peaches and blue sky's on the drive from Kelowna to Calgary. We were Cruising the Dub on the reg, making friends with gophers and enjoying the Rockies. Here's a couple of gems from...

It started out kinda tame. We stayed with a couple of creeps named Rosa and Berger who are so level eleven out of ten that Fierce and I wrote down some emergency numbers and gave them to the Bitchin' girls in case we didn't make it out alive. One of the biggest differences about touring with girls over boys have been the level of care and thought put into even the most banal things. Here's an example: girls get dressed up and sorted out before they leave the house to DJ and they always manage to find some way to incorporate unicorns...

We all met up in Van City for the drive to Whistler. Miche drove in from Calgary (I know, hardcore right?), Kenzie took the ferry from Victoria, Fierce and I fly from Toronto, and Betti actually lives here. From the second we piled in that car, it was clear that Whistler was about to get it. Two and a half hours of heavy chic conversation. Legal talk. Tech talk. The Chronic on repeat and so many jokes, I almost pissed myself a dozen times. We get to Whistler and of course it's gorgeous. And filled with 20-25 year old kids unwilling...

Vancouver. Day 1. We've been in Van for a day. Off to Whistler to start this bitch up tonight and Fierce and I couldn't be more excited. This has been the longest day off ever. First we got drunk before we got on the plane, which is always a really good idea when you're closing down a bar but not so hot when you're sobering up in a bright airport, trying and struggling with the belt to get through security. Fierce woke up this morning after having some weird nightmare about how she grew a thick mustache. She's really broken up about it, apparently it...