The tales of a Canadian Girl living in Southern Virginia…By: Kimberley Cuachon-Haugh

With mid-term elections looming various issues are afloat demanding another go at bringing certain bills to the floor.  With that said, the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy is still up in the air.  It seems that the Senate has decided not to vote on it yet.  If you are not familiar with the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy it is to allow gay, lesbian and bisexual soldiers to serve openly.  Because the Republicans have blocked the vote what’s next is a study that the military has to conduct in order to bring forth the affects of this policy shift—therefore disclosing the number of homophobes in the military.

So this is making headline news here.  I buy into that because we are in a military area with three major bases one of which is the largest naval base in the world—and our troops need to know if they should pivot while standing at the urinal next time.  What is the issue here though?  Let’s discuss it a little bit while the war against terrorism is going on and while the bodies of NATO troops are being hauled off the floor thanks to our Taliban insurgents who are still trying to figure out whether or not they shot down the helicopter.  The gays want to be able to say that they’re gay—they’ve fought a long and hard battle, I understand that.  The straights may accept the gays, they may not—some argue that they don’t carry the label ‘straight’ wherever they go—I hear that.  But on the battlefield, does it really matter how you like to give it and receive it?  If straight men and women can openly banter about sex with the opposite sex why must gays, lesbians or bisexuals remain closed-lipped about their particular sexual appetite?

I say, let the gays go about in their ways.  It’s hypocritical for us, non-gays to accept them, take their decorating advices, fashion oui-oui’s and expect them to be hush.  There are greater problems at hand in the United States.  While we are at the point of recuperating billions of military dollars spent on Freedom Iraq, it is illogical to provide the financial attention on a study to determine what the effects of letting homosexuals out of the closet in the military will do.  Hello, they were already there, people have know all along, so what?  Does the United States military believe that recruitment will dip or that the army barracks décor will have a little pizzazz or that we won’t be as tough or that the Talibans will come after us harder because we are welcoming homosexuals?  Come on.

The tales of a Canadian Girl living in Southern Virginia…

With today being September  11^th  I have been looking forward to  the American versus Muslim type  stories to rear.  And they have been—especially with the Mosque sorry, Muslim community center , in the midst at Ground Zero.  One article in particular that caught my eye was a story that broke from the Associated Press about the staging of “International Burn a Quaran Day”.  Rev. Terry Jones who spearheads an evangelical Christian church out of Gainesville, Florida plans to torch copies of the Islamic holy text today.  OK, I get it, he’s a little P.O.’d about what went down in New York and the shit that hit the fan afterwards.  The article stated that the government has “turned up the pressure” warning the anti-Muslim reverend that his bonfire “could endanger U.S. troops and Americans everywhere”. 

Let me blow my match out now.  If we’re a quaran blaze away from invasion, shouldn’t we be a little bit concerned?  Does the White House and the State Department really believe than whether or not we set these holy books on fire that it will diminish the Muslim terrorist desire to blow us off the face of the planet?  I think not—and this is coming from a peaceful Canadian.

I recently watched a documentary called Obsession which references the quaran throughout and all I have to say is: if the word-for-word bullshit in there is being followed through, our civilization as we know it—American or not—is fucked.

Let me pose this question?  What about the countless American flags that are being set on fire and then paraded through the streets, filmed, and then posted on the internet?  Hey, if I had testicles large enough I would open up an American flag store in Iraq—I’d probably turn a pretty good profit, and then have my head cut-off, but you can’t win them all.

I understand that we have left close to 50,000 American troops behind, and now Obama is looking to tread much lighter post “Operation Iraq Freedom” but already on Tuesday the first servicemen were killed.  I say, if the reverend wants to burn his quarans let him, it’s his prerogative.  Whether or not the government steps in, he’s going to do it anyway, it’s his right, and it’s his freedom.  The future of Americans and Muslims does not rest on a bonfire that some hick is going to light up.  It comes down to stopping the radical infiltration in the Western world.  If burning quarans grabs the attention of the government I say throw in an extra copy for me, because I sure as hell will not bow down to covering up for Allah.

Tales of a Canuck in Southern Virginia…

Words by Kim Cuachon-Haugh

Page 29 of my program book

A recent minor league baseball game in Norfolk, led me to page 29 of the $5 dollar program book that I found on the floor.  This time I actually read through the collection of ads primarily to learn a smidge more about this wonderful city that I live in.  Back to page 29, which contained a half-page ad for an exclusively male salon called Knockouts.  How cleaver!  It indicated, a list of services to include: “haircuts, massage, coloring, manicure, pedicure, waxing, shoe shine, free frosty beverage, sports on TV.”  At the very top of the list was this: “attractive & professional stylists” and of course there was a case and point example of some blond-haired bimbo in the ad.  Okay, she may not be a bimbo, after all, she’s a Knockout girl; she cuts hair, right?

I can totally picture it now, Knockouts is the ultimate male escape.  It is testosterone driven where the penis and the brain are no longer required to work together.  The brain is being hit left, right, and center with ESPN, not to mention a pretty gnarly brain freeze from the “free frosty beverage” and the penis—well it’s probably saluting the navy veteran that conceptualized and owns the business (yes, which was indicated in the ad too).

Now, I’m not reaming these people out because I’m some hippy woman who refuses to wear a bra and wear make-up.  I love how my bustier makes my breast look and I think a little rouge never hurt anyone.  But is it really necessary to use “attractive stylists” as a selling point?  The concept is great on its own without having to feed into one’s pervy teenage fantasy of getting off on a pretty girl running her fingers through your hair.  It really is like soft porn on a Sunday.

While I’m sure the place doesn’t resemble anything near the Playboy mansion (this area just isn’t that classy) where the stylists have their sheers hanging from their g-string the picture that this ad paints in its 7 ½” by 5” space is pure Tigerism (complements of Tiger Woods).  How comfortable would you be if your man went into a place like this?  A place that grunts, “Look at the ass on her”?  Or “Look at them titties”?  Really, that is the right that men reserve coming into such an establishment.  The sad thing is, around these parts, we’re okay with it!  The ad is in a baseball program that is distributed to thousands—men, women, and kids (future dirty ol’ men and Knockout girls).  All I can say is if a man is desperate enough to buy into this crap because he hasn’t been more than a foot close to a real vagina, be sure to wipe the seatie sweetie for any potential bodily fluids.

Steve Porter has had a busy year, in addition to expanding his repertoire from DJ to producer with the creation of PH Records he was also voted America’s #2 DJ of 2009 by DJ Magazine. Since the relese of his first album Homegrown in 2005 he was created a name for himself by combing eclectic sounds into thumping house beats. Porter’s video “Rap Chop” (below) has grnered over 10 million views on youtube, Talking girls, music and his mom and dad Porter sat down to take the 20Q.

1. What is your dream of happiness?
Helping others achieve their goals while making the most of my talent.
2. Blonde or Brunette?
Brunette
3. What is the quality you like most in a Woman?
Confident humility.
4. What do you fear most?
Failure
5. 808s or 909s?
808′s now, 909′s next
6. What’s your biggest regret?
Regrets don’t exist because mistakes drive you to do better things.
7. What’s your fav bar or club in the world?
Rise Afterhours in Boston
8. What’s the one thing you can’t live without?
Being able to fidget and do funny things with my fingers when I get excited.
9. What are the 3 musicians dead or alive you’d like to see perform?
Pink Floyd, Def Leppard, Beastie Boys
10. What is your favorite decade in music?
80s
11. If you had to choose, would you rather go blind or deaf and why?
I would rather go deaf because I would rather learn sheet music and have the ability to visually know what street I am walking down.
12. How old is too old?
Too old is when you realize you aren’t going to fit into those jeans.
13. Where do you see yourself in 15 years?
I’d like to be programming video games, or scoring movies.
14. Who’s your hero?
My Mom & Dad
15. What’s your favourite colour?
Purple
16. What song could you live without ever hearing again?
Barbie Girl
17. Metallica or Madonna?
Madonna
18. What’s your most hated vice?
Drifting off and procrastinating on Wikipedia
19. Who is the most tragic figure in history?
I’d probably say Jesus
20. What are the top three live shows you’ve seen in your life? –
Phish, Van Halen, Jay-Z

The last time I checked, I was a woman in 2010 considered as an equal to my phallic counterpart.  At least that’s what I thought until I was a subjected to a chauvinistic display that the people of Norfolk called a “great job mceeing”.

The event was to honor the over-achievers in the city’s hospitality industry at the Champions of Hospitality Rally.  The man, or should I say DOM an acronym for “dirty old man”, Pete Decker Jr., of the popular Decker Law Firm here in Norfolk, mceed the appreciation celebration while simultaneously setting women back 20 years.  He is a personality in this area—high-profile, rich, and recently graced the cover of Veer Magazine celebrating 50 years in law.  Decker, or Uncle Pete as he is known around these parts—the fact that people pride themselves with blood relation is beyond me—because of his reputation of being, blatantly said, a creepoid.  Decker, while presenting an award, posed the question to a woman, while undressing her with his eyes, asked, “Do you like rich old men, honey?”  And with a look of utter disgust she forced a smile and snatched her award.  I couldn’t help but swing my head from left to right to see whether or not I was the only one in disbelief!  It was a “I see it, but my ears don’t believe it” moment.  There was another woman who went up on stage—of course Decker was in groping position—and she shouted, “Don’t you dare touch me!”  This provided a wave of laughter, but I was still in utter shock.  Who is this guy?  With a few whispers to the women next to me they simply shrugged it off and said, “Oh, he’s just like that.”  What?  I thought to myself, this guy just isn’t drunk right now?  Pete Decker Jr. aka Uncle Pete aka DOM.

The next day my husband was caught in between some cock driven banter about the previous day’s festivities starring this Uncle Pete fellow.  His co-workers, one of whom has a teenage daughter, were falling over their over-grown bellies laughing about how funny Decker was and how hot the cheerleaders were.  In appropriate conversation for the work place wouldn’t you say?  And just plain wrong if you have a daughter.  I have to quote my husband here, “Honey, I was just embarrassed…no wonder there are women who just want to cut our balls off.”  Where am I?  I thought to myself.  All women should just walk around in thongs here because nobody seems to care about how hard women have worked to be treated equally, women included.  A female reporter at the local television station posted on her blog that, “Uncle Pete had us in stitches.”  Can you believe it?  A public figure here, who is supposedly the public’s arm to provide information and represent the questions that we cannot ask has condoned this disgusting behavior.

Mary Goodnight with James Bond, "Man with the Golden Gun"

At this point I am reminded of the most horrible Bond actor to date, Roger Moore.  Double O, in The Man with the Golden Gun, is lip-locked with Mary Goodnight—a female agent who follows James like a love-sick puppy—and then shoves her into a closet.  In the very same room he proceeds to comfort Andrea Anders, a woman seeking Bond’s help to kill her assassin boyfriend Scaramanga.  The next morning we see Goodnight, still in the closet, Bond opens it up.  She is all huffed up about her spending the night in the closet and he responds, “Oh, Goodnight, you’ll have your turn soon.”  This movie was released in 1974, now I am not defending the preposterous script writing but presenting this ridiculous dialogue that has not been edited or deleted because the movie is a classic.  Now I bet many men, like Pete Decker wish that times have not changed, but they have.  I’m not sure though if they have here, case in point the exalted Pete Decker Jr.  Why the city of Norfolk glorifies this gentlemen’s club on legs…where am I?

Hailing from The Beaches right here in Toronto (call it the Beach and it’s all over) the seven guys of Down With Webster have hit it big in the last couple years. If you’re like us, then you were a fan before radio and MTV got a hold of them and you know that these guys have more variety and skill then 95% of artists on TV these days. DWW has been described as a modern-day Sly & The Family Stone meets the Beastie Boys. You can catch them performing at the MMVA’s on June 20th where they’ve been nominated for Best Pop Video and Best New Artist of the Year. Or, you can see them in the flesh June 25 at Sound Academy before they take off to Ottawa for Bluesfest and Cow Town for Stampede. In between prepping for the MMVA’s and recording Time to Win vol. II Cam Hunter and Tyler Armes took a minute to answer the 20Qs.

1. What is your dream of happiness?

Tyler: Traveling the world and making people happy through music. I have a little Bono in me (maybe to a lesser extent), but I definitely want to use music as a vehicle for positive change.
Cam: Good music, good weather, good people, good health.

2. Blonde or Brunette?

Tyler: I don’t discriminate (blonde).
Cam: Blonde

3. What is the quality you like most in a man?

Tyler: Honesty. Lying gets you nowhere.

4. What do you fear most?

Tyler: Getting sick…health is wealth.
Cam: Failure and centipedes

5. 808s or 909s?

Tyler: They both serve a purpose.
Cam: 808′s. Unfuckwithable!

6. What’s your biggest regret?

Tyler: Not sticking with martial arts. I’d be a fucking 9th degree black belt “fuck you matrix” warrior by now.

7. What’s your fav bar or club in the world?
Tyer: Circa…nawwwwwt! I like the Tropicana Bar at the Roosevelt in L.A. It’s awesomely obnoxious.
Cam: My house.

8. What’s the one thing you can’t live without?

Tyler: A Blackberry.
Cam: Music and the Internet.

9. What are the 3 musicians dead or alive you’d like to see perform?

Tyler: Jaco Pastorius, Michael Jackson, J.S. Bach.
Cam: James Brown, Old Dirty Bastard, and Ace of Bass.

10. What is your favorite decade in music?

Tyler: The 60′s. Wait…hopefully the 2010′s (is that how you say it)?
Cam: 90′s. That’s what I grew up on and it brings back some really good memories, especially 90′s hip-hop.

11. If you had to choose, would you rather go blind or deaf and why?

Tyler: I’d go blind. Seeing seems more selfish…music is what I do best in this world and it makes a lot of people happy so I may as well do that. Great tits feel as good as they look anyways.
Cam: I’d rather go deaf. Nowadays with technology you can do everything without your ears (even program music if you really know your shit). If your blind you can’t read or write which would cripple me. The only perk is that you get a cool dog but the cons outweigh the pros in my mind.

12. How old is too old?

Tyler: Dead.
Cam: Too old for what? There’s always something you can do even if it’s only eating mashed potatoes.

13. Where do you see yourself in 15 years?
Tyler: Acting in a Star Wars play on Broadway.
Cam: Happy. Doing fun shit. Singing the songs I like to sing.

14. Who’s your hero?

Tyler: Batman.
Cam: Jay Z for being at the top of his game at 40. Inspirational. Also the whole toy machine 90′s skate team, back when skating was badass!

15. What’s your favourite colour?

Tyler: Batman Black.
Cam: Black or sometimes white.

16. What song could you live without ever hearing again?

Tyler: There’s a time and place for almost everything.
Cam: Shit I don’t know.

17. Metallica or Madonna?

Tyler: “Master of puppets is pulling my strings!”
Cam: Madonna. She’s way hotter!

18. What’s your most hated vice?

Tyler: Smoking cigs. I’m quitting in 3 days. No bullshit.
Cam: Cigarettes.

19. Who is the most tragic figure in history?

Tyler: Mel Gibson in Braveheart. Death by horses? Come on!

Cam: To many to name, anyone with wasted talent.

20. What are the top three live shows you’ve seen in your life?

Tyler: The Roots @ Kolas. Rage Against The Machine @ Rock The Bells. Robert Randolph @ Lee’s Palace.
Cam: Rage Against The Machine. Wu Tang Clan. NOFX (it was my first one ever).

NXNE is in town and not only does the festival promise hotshot bands from all over the world but it also mans extended serving hours! In honor of keeping the party going we’ve compiled the PinkMafia Best of 4am Guide for NXNE.

Wednesday June 16

If your weekend warrior status starts on a Wednesday, the Bovine Sex Cub is starting off the after hour splendor at 2AM on Wednesday with performances by Victim Party, The Decay, The Cavaliers and DIY it up. We can’t make any promises but there’s a good chance that Eagles of Death Metal are going to make an appearance after they hit Cherry Cola’s of course.

Thursday June 17

For a big night of electro-disco fun check out Junior Boys at The Social, “In the Morning” was the blitzed to the point of swaying  summer song for ’09 so be ready to hear even more body bashing beats (FYI, they are supposed to go on at 12:30AM, so this is technically NOT a 2-4 but still pretty dope). Toronto’s own TAPEDECKBROS will bet at El Mocambo. Let the ass shaking commence.

Friday June 18

Friday night is big jam night so should plan on hitting as many spots as you can. Duo Torro Torro are hitting up Gladstone Hotel Ballroom (3AM).

Dakota Tavern is featuring a “special guest” which in my books usually means something rad and too big too announce because it’ll screw up their much bigger show wink wink.  HUORATRON  will be at Wrongbar late night for the Last Gang showcase. Choosing your venue is just a matter of personal taste.

If there’s one piece of news that has blown my mind it’s ED effing LOVER at The Drake along with DJ Fase and 84.85. If you’re unfamiliar with Ed Lover, he is the king of 90′s hip hop (he hosted Yo! MTV Raps) and scroll down for his recent Youtube fame.

Wherever you end up going throughout the night, a good bet is to do last call at the Bovine, the guest hasn’t been listed as of yet but every year they have the best mix of well-mannered city (read: not morons from out of town or the dreaded suburbs) and local as well as bigger out of town artists co-existing/mingling in boozy bliss.

Saturday June 19

For final wrap up we’re giving you two pieces of advice: One: Don’t start too early, this is an endurance sport not a relay. Two: check out one of these two for guaranteed satisfaction.  Classixx (LA) + Hatchmatik at the Drake.

Bassilicious PARTY LIKE US RECORDS are throwing AC Slater, B. Rich, and Udachi all under one roof at The Social. It’s sure to be one of the biggest events of NXNE

If you make it til Tuesday without a 3 day hangover. Gold star.

Click on the image below for the downloadable version:

Same old story. You do all the work and prep and Mr. Macho man gets to be caveman for a day and stand around with his stupid little tongs and his still warm PBR and take care of the serious business of grilling. Eff. That. Noise. Grab your spatula’s ladies. Barbecue season doesn’t have to be all beards, burgers, and beer. you can totally have a healthy girls night around the barbecue without the gristle. We made grilled tomato bruschetta, glazed salmon, and grilled peaches with sweet coconut cream.

Grilling the tomatoes releases lycopene, a strong antioxidant.  Salmon is chockfull of every health benefit available and is one of the easiest fish to find wild as opposed to farm raised, the mercury levels in salmon are a lot lower too. Grilli9ng the peaches caramelizes their natural sugars, coconut is a wonder food in that it can actually briefly elevate your metabolism (cha-ching), and agave nectar has a much lower effect on blood sugar levels than traditional sweeteners.

Grilled Tomato Bruschetta

4 tomatoes quartered

1 package grape or cherry tomatoes

1 package small mixed heirloom tomatoes, halved if large

Extra-virgin olive oil

1 clove garlic

1 whole- wheat baguette cut into slices

Basil

Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper

1. Light a grill. Arrange four 12-by-24-inch sheets of heavy-duty foil on a work surface. Mound the tomatoes in the center of each sheet, drizzle with the olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Fold up the foil to create tight packets.

2. Set the packets on the grill and cover. Grill over moderately high heat for about 18 minutes, until the tomatoes begin to soften and burst.

3. While the tomatoes cook rub each slice of bread with the clove of garlic brush lightly with olive oil and grill each side until light grill marks appear. Set aside

4. Using scissors, carefully cut open the foil packet  avoiding steam. Spread baguette slices with tomatoes and top with basil if desired

Glazed Salmon

1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons Dijon mustard

1/4 cup prepared horseradish, drained

2 tablespoons honey

Four 6-ounce skinless salmon fillets

Vegetable oil, for rubbing

Salt and freshly ground black pepper

1.Light a grill. In a small bowl, mix the mustard, horseradish and honey. Rub the salmon with oil and season with salt and pepper.

2.Grill the salmon over moderate heat, skinned side down, until lightly browned, about 3 minutes. Turn and grill for 3 minutes longer, until the salmon is almost cooked through. Turn the salmon again and spread each fillet with 1 tablespoon of the horseradish glaze. Turn and grill until glazed, about 30 seconds. Serve the remaining glaze on the side.

Grilled Peaches with Sweetened Coconut Cream

3 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted

6 peaches, halved and pitted

Honey/ Agave Nectar

1 can light coconut milk

1. In a bowl whisk together coconut milk and honey to desired sweetness

2. In another small bowl, stir the melted butter with the remaining honey. Grill peaches over moderate heat, turning once, until the fruit is tender, about 6 minutes. Baste the peaches with the butter and continue to grill, turning once and basting again, until caramelized and slightly charred, about 2 minutes longer.

3. Transfer the grilled fruit to plates. Pour the coconut mixture alongside the fruit and serve.

I effing hate Rachel Ray, like throw her into a venomous pit of snakes and laugh while I shake my fist hate. However; if we excuse her for her general person and overuse of her repulsive acronym E.V.O.O. sister makes a point. Extra virgin olive oil is the shit no matter how you say it. Extra virgin (if only) has a less acidic quality than regular old olive oil and its loaded with antioxidants as well as omega 3-6-9 fatty acids, monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats . Olive oil can prevent a whole string of diseases and ailments, when you’re shopping for olive oil it usually goes the better the quality the better the benefits.

When cooking with olive oil watch the temperature, olive oil has a relatively high smoking point of 410 ºF or 210ºF, but if it goes above this the molecular structure breaks down and it all goes to hell and everything gets all carcinogenic and bitter. Not cute. If you’re looking for a snack try steaming vegetables like broccoli, bok choy, asparagus, the green stuff and lightly coating them with olive oil and sesame seeds. Totally healthy,and relatively low in fat/calories. In most savoury recipes olive oil can even be a substitute for butter. Or try doing half and half, the oil will also stop the butter from burning.

If you’re still in knots over that fancy olive oil, remember its not just for eats. Skin, hair, nails, olive oil helps them all and by using an organic extra virgin you also have the advantage of all those antioxidants.

So when it comes to the good oil drizzle, put it in salad dressing, saute, rub, marinate, roast, moisturize, poach, whatever, jus use it!.

Check out Princess Margaret Hospital’s”Increase Your Odds” video, and go to their site for more info.

and for more info on Vlatos olive oil go to their website.

Understanding Olive Oil

In our quest for the ultimate trip in healthy living, we caught up with super-hippy and off the charts health nut, Nicola to find out what the benefits of Juice Fasting are, and how one eases into such a crazy trip.

There’s no quick fix for health,  sad but true and we all know it. But short bursts can often have as much effect on your health as long tumultuous processes. Want to wean yourself from unhealthy habits like smoking, drinking, and caffeine addiction? Want to shed stubborn body fat, clear up your skin, sleep better and increase your overall disposition towards life, then you should definitely consider a  juice fast!

A juice fast isn’t a cure-all, but over time and with regular sessions it can drastically improve your health and motivate you towards healthier habits. Juice fasting is a form of detox diet where only fresh fruit and vegetable juices are consumed for a certain extended period of time this gives the body a chance to take a break and do a little spring cleaning, and what better time than right before bikini season? Juice is the most concentrated form of a fruit or vegetables vitamins, minerals and natural enzymes, made with the right ingredients the right juice can be a miracle elixir.

Choosing the length of your first juice fast can be crazy difficult.  If you’re a heavy meat eater or are caning it at the clubs six nights a week and want to mix it up by throwing something healthy down the hatch, try starting with one day (possibly one day a month). If you’re a vegan, I-ride-my-bike-everywhere, yoga type, try up to five. Most importantly though, listen to your body. But don’t give up when the going gets tough either, juice fasting is totally worth it and has a powerful detoxifying effect! The more you continue with a regular a fasting regimen the more doors will open. And please remember a juice fast does not mean buy out the frozen concentrated minute maid juice, you want fresh as possible.

Personally, I’ve done a LOT of cleansing, from strict vegan diet with weekly juice cleanses to 10 day water only fasts. and so searching for a new way, I’m taking it to the next level. A deep calling has led me to embark on a 28 day juice cleanse, but not for physical rejuvenation, for spiritual ecstasy. If you’re think “Ecstasy- that was back in my rave days…” We mean a different form of  ecstasy, it’s deep inside you and waiting to be discovered. Essentially, intense purification allows you to raise your body’s vibration so that you can experience heightened levels of consciousness. Quite literally, out of this 3rd dimensional world experiences.

Right now I’m purifying in preparation for my journey to Peru next month, where I will be venturing deep into the Amazon to meet with Shamans in order to drink a cosmic brew called Ayuhuasca.  Ayahuasca, or the vine of the soul, is the product of boiling the leaves of a shrub called Chacruna with Ayahuasca to make a brew by the same name. Giving this sacred drink a psychoactive character that is consumed in a ritual ceremony leading to reflection, cleansing and amplified states of consciousness. This heightened state allows you to see that what you see in this world is not all you get; there’s a lot more than meets the eye, but you’ve got to have a clear body, mind and spirit to play there.

Who ever thought that drinking your greens could be such a trip!

(Note that certain people should NOT attempt fasting and that checking with a holistic health practitioner before commencing any type of cleanse is recommended.)

Above is my favorite concoction – spinach, celery, cucumber, broccoli, carrot and lime juice (Waaaaaaay better than it sounds)

Nicola is a Wellness Consultant and Spiritual Teacher specializing in nutrition, yoga, and meditation. She currently resides in Puerto Escondido, Mexico.

The Sadies have been one of the few modern bands able to create an ache of nostalgia for music past. If we were to include all their collaborations since 1998 Darker Circles would be their thirteenth studio album, Darker Circles is far more pensive than its predecessor Country Club (feat. John Doe), it pains me to use such a cliché but it really does sound like the soundtrack to an unwritten movie. Guitarist brothers Dallas and Travis Good, drummer Mike Belitsky and bassist Sean Dean have paired with Jayhawk and  producer Gary Louris to make an album that MUST be listened to from start to finish, that means no searching for singles.

Just the right combination of surf, grunge, rock, country, and psychedelic with a big hit of blues, Darker Circles opens with ‘Another Year Again’ which has a wicked body shaken fuzz drenched guitar solo near the end that totally turns the song around somehow reminds me of 13^th Floor Elevators (If you’ve seen High Fidelity you’ll know it, thank you Dallas Wheeler for introducing me). While ‘Cut Corners’  slowly comes to a boil with blues so effing heavy it hurts.

The Sadies have long been the most recognized rock-country band from Toronto in the pat ten years, if not Canada. They seem to have a knack for sounding like the blues influenced boys of the 60’s and 70’s, Zeppelin, The Eagles and the like while still holding their own.  My only complaint, not a fan of the banjo on track 9 ‘ Choosing To Fly’, it reminds of square-dancing in grade 3, which says a lot about my emotional development at age 8, the song is totally somber and bitter, as was I towards square-dancing. None the less a bomb album that my Dad stole from me within days.

The Sadies are playing at Lee’s Palace on May 22

The tales of Canadian girl from Toronto now living in Southern Virginia…

When you examine a person’s car, you cannot help but imagine what the driver is like—everything from their physical appearance to their personality.  Here in Virginia, not much is left to the imagination.  Believe it or not this is the number one state for vanity plates, according to the Department of Motor Vehicle’s June 2009 report.  The data collected was based on 6,025,517 vehicles, and 1,668,137 of them being registered for personalized license plates.

A regional publication, the Virginia Pilot did a brief story about a couple whose license plates read “MR VAIN” and “MRS VAIN”.  The couple stated that they have a love of fashion and their appearance—I would not have guessed.  While the term vanity plates has been coined, is it really vanity?  Or are these people just wanting to say something?  Call Aristotle, there is something philosophical going on here.

Harbor background, $10, wonder what's "4 2MORW"?

Well, in all honest, the high number of let-me-say-what-I-want-to-say plates are more than likely attributed to its $10 annual fee.  That’s right for 10 more bucks you can let the world know your thoughts—bringing your registration fee to a mere $58 dollars.  Quite a comparison to Ontario where freedom of speech is not so free, costing $235.25—that’s without the HST of course.  With that said, if you are looking to get a vanity plate you’d better have something worth saying.

Upon further research I came across a website that published a story about an individual with the license plate 14CV88.  The article’s headline read “Virginia Revokes Hitler Saluting License Plate“.  Apparently the DMV deemed the license plate to salute Hitler.  Now, maybe the license plate uncoded this individual as a racist, but his elaborate paint job across his Ford pick-up may have given it away.  14CV88 was explained as such: the “14” refers to the 14-word motto “We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children.” The “CV” stands for “Confederate Veteran” and the “88″ signifies the eighth letter in the alphabet (H) with the double-H meaning “Heil Hitler.”  In other words, the DMV will get you!

This guy is really mad

I must say though, my rides through the ridiculous traffic here—when there should be no traffic at all—have been quite entertaining.  The speed limit here is 55 mph and people actually drive that.  Not to mention the mentality that everyone seems to have: no where to go and time is this magical thing like Santa Claus—people believe it, but can’t see it.  The vanity plates at least promote reading within the community in a state where the literacy average falls below par.

Yes, DJ blow my mind

Despite the fact that it gets its name from the wrong side of Mexico, Malibu Rum hails from Barbados and stinks of straight-up leisure (plus 21% alcohol). Like so many morning-after Facebook photos, each bottle is a testament to all of your best and most rampantly drunken Caribbean memories, such as:

• Barfing into a steel drum;
• Barfing through a ghost pirate;
• Barfing a mélange of rum and jerk chicken onto a voodoo priest named Shango-Shango Motumbe at a Bob Marley festival.

Fortunately, Malibu has come up with a way for you to crudely document all of these precious moments through its newest venture, Malibu By U. Like a Dunny filled with booze, each limited edition, customizable bottle comes with four markers for you to scrawl dudes’ phone numbers with and/or draw funny pictures of cocks – right onto the container!

Above: Drawing inspiration through marginally tropical-themed items: miscellaneous brand coconut chocolate bars, pineapple soda, banana-flavoured milk, Barack Obama-flavoured cola – plus a tiki mug in which to mix all of them to your stomach’s discontent.

As both an illustrator and a drunk, I decided to take my bottle out for a spin on the streets of T.O. to see what kind of reaction I could get. First, the decoration: as a Pink Mafia blogger, the most obvious motifs had to be the elegant double-whammy of boobs and guns.

Above: My masterful artwork has elevated this mere bottle into an object worthy of being buried with my corpse. Happy grave digging, alcoholics of the future!

Above: It’s easy to enjoy phallic objects on their own, but the added benefit of drunk-making contents and a bunch of markers pretty much nullifies any need I might have ever had for men.

After such a perfect (and apparently personally erotic) execution, it’s time to suit up and take Malibu by Diana outdoors.

Above: Posing for various photos with my new best friend Senor Malibu, looking handsome in his G.I. Joe finery.

Unexpectedly, my waving around a gigantic bottle of alcohol early on a Saturday morning seemed to garner attention. Observe:

Above: Because it’s neither yoga, Sex and the City or Joe Fresh, these suburban moms seemed initially unimpressed, albeit mildly curious.

Above: Luckily, these generically handsome young men were far more receptive. Malibu: a hot tip for picking up inoffensive dudes (and their ‘hot tips’)!

Above: Although his body language might say ‘wary’,  even our furry friends in the animal kingdom are inevitably drawn to the liquid sunshine liquor that is Malibu. Later we got trashed on the stuff and spent the next three days eating Purina nachos in the basement of his mom’s dog house.

Wow, what a ride! Like me, you too can have zany adventures with alcohol by heading down to your local LCBO and customizing your own Malibu By U. Of course, whatever you do will never be as incomparably zany as this appearance by Leonard Nimoy on the 1967 variety show Malibu U.